Surrender: The Wave That Changed Everything

Matt Gilhooly (00:00)
Pat spent years outrunning himself, surfing, traveling to over fifty countries, running resort programs in Nicaragua, playing rugby in New Zealand, always moving, always doing, because the moment he sat still, the thoughts he didn't want to face would catch up to him. Then on a foggy July morning in San Francisco, a wave threw him face first into a sandbar. He broke his neck, he was paralyzed, alone in the water, and certain he was about to die, so he started saying goodbye to everyone he loved.

Then his friend found him, pulled him out, and brought him back on the beach. Pat survived, and somewhere in a hospital bed, relearning how to move his own foot, he decided that the life he'd been outrunning was exactly the one he wanted to live in fully, starting now.

Matt Gilhooly (01:39)
Hello everyone. Welcome to the Life Shift Podcast. I'm here with Pat. Hello, Pat.

pat (01:43)
Hello, Matt, how you doing?

Matt Gilhooly (01:45)
Thank you for wanting to be a part of the Life Shift podcast and sharing your story in this way. It's I've learned so much about myself through other people's stories with this podcast. It has been this journey of I've talked to over 270 people now about life-changing moments, all of them wildly different, some of them feeling the same on the surface, but so different.

And what I found is that little pieces of everyone's stories resonate with me and like help me heal in ways that I didn't actually know that I needed. So thank you for coming on this journey with me in however this conversation unfolds today.

pat (02:23)
Absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly (02:24)
So before we get started and we f before we jump into your story, I'd love for you to answer who is Pat in 2026? Like how do you show up in the world? How do you identify these days? Like what who is Pat?

pat (02:38)
Yeah, so for myself, I mean, a human being first and foremost, and just doing my best to live in this planet and live my purpose, help others along the way, help others in their journey, and just showing up as the best individual that I can every day, leading with gratitude every single day, every single night, just grateful for every day that I have.

Matt Gilhooly (02:39)
Big question.

pat (03:05)
not taking that for granted. And yeah, I think that just kind of resonates with me and it kind of correlates into my everyday living, just leading with gratitude and purpose for sure.

Matt Gilhooly (03:21)
That is a a lofty challenge that you've given yourself and I I love that you're up for the challenge. I would imagine that not every day is a a beautiful, perfect day for you. Is that true? Still still humaning along the lines?

pat (03:35)
For sure, but I have a phrase with myself that I like to say is even when it's bad, it's good. When you've been... Means even in my difficult days, I'm still here and going through these bad moments, it's better than the alternative of where I was at and not being here at all. So I try to remember that and put that in perspective is just even when I'm going through something, I'm just...

Matt Gilhooly (03:40)
What does that mean for you?

pat (04:02)
I say that to myself, even when it's bad, it's good, because I'm still here and I still get to experience these things.

Matt Gilhooly (04:08)
It's a good mantra. I th I I wish we all could live in that because some it's really easy to get wrapped up in things that seemingly are going wrong or are really hard in that moment. And it's a lot harder to take the journey or take the approach that you do to fill with gratitude. So I would imagine that your life kind of shaped that and the and the reason that you do that now. But we all could take a little bit from your book and and try to approach each day with gratitude b

pat (04:35)
Right.

Matt Gilhooly (04:38)
Although it's challenging, I would say, for some of us that haven't done it too often in our lives. Well, let's let's hear how you got to this version of Pat. So why don't you paint the picture of who Pat was leading up to this life shift moment that we're gonna talk about today and and go back as far as you need to to kind of give us that before version of you.

pat (04:39)
Yeah, definitely.

Sure. So I think before my accident, I was an individual that was struggling a bit, struggling silently. On the outside, I just seemed like a very strong person that could show up for anyone. think my job kind of demanded it and my life demanded it. I demanded it of myself is, you know, even when

I was going through things instead of processing them, I chose to keep myself busy and just constantly moving, constantly doing things, consistently having regrets about the past or thinking about having anxiety about things in the future that may or may not happen. So it was difficult for me to live in the present moment often.

I think, you know, my accident taught me that, that the present moment is really all that we have. So coming from a person that was really having a lot of issues, going through a lot of things, not really knowing who I was and, you know, going through a bad breakup beforehand, just kind of, I was really, you know, in a downward spiral, but

wouldn't really talk to anyone about it. Just kept showing up every day. And just in my mind thinking if I just stayed busy, I don't have to think about that or it's gonna get better if I keep moving forward and not really having an outlet to speak about it. But yeah, just going through difficult times alone.

Matt Gilhooly (06:42)
Yeah,

was was I mean, I I think a lot of people can unfortunately connect with that feeling of kind of outrunning or trying to outrun things that we don't want to deal with and whether subconsciously or consciously, was this some like did did any of this stem from like your childhood? Did you like for me, my mom was killed in an accident when I was eight, my parents were separated, so

Like my whole life changed and what I unfortunately absorbed from the people around me is that they needed to see that I was perfect. So like I had to put on this mask, which is kind of similar to the way you're describing the way you were living. Like I couldn't deal with the grief because I knew people didn't want to see me deal with the grief.

pat (07:27)
Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (07:28)
So I just

had to pretend that everything was cool, I was perfect, nobody else was gonna leave because I was perfect, I was never gonna screw anything up, I was there for other people. Was did any of your did w were you pushing down stuff from your upbringing or things like that were you bringing along with you?

pat (07:44)
think I've always been a person that's very hard on myself. I think a lot of people realize that and they could see it in me. I consistently, even when I was a kid, you know, just nothing was ever good enough for me, no matter what I did. And always just like being hard on myself saying, you know, you're going to screw this up. Or if something didn't go my way, it's like, of course it didn't because, you know, you're not built for that.

You know, I had wonderful parents, but it was kind of hard to speak with them about what I was really going through. And then, you know, when I got into high school and stuff, really became, know, I've always played sports, a lot of stuff. And it's like where I grew up and in that environment, it wasn't like there wasn't really space for you to talk about your feelings. It was like, you just keep moving on. And if you cry or

you go down, that's showing weakness, you know, and if you're not tough, you show that stuff doesn't bother you, then, you know, a lot of people look down on you as a weaker person. And that was not conducive to being successful in sports in my life. So yeah, it was a lot from my childhood, just being difficult on myself and not allowing myself to have space to really heal and

talk about what I was thinking or what I was going through. It's just, you just keep moving and you don't have time to process these things.

Matt Gilhooly (09:17)
Yeah. Do you have any idea where you picked up that self I don't know, flagellation, if you will?

pat (09:22)
Yeah. I mean,

I've thought about this a lot and it's like, don't know. I think my dad was always a tougher individual who would just go through things and not really talk about it. He had a ton of spinal surgeries and was always in constant pain, but he just showed up and went to work every day and just dealt with it. And I think I picked that up. I was like, you know, that's what a man does. He just shows up.

doesn't talk about things. You just keep moving. You do it. You know, you do what you can do just to move through your life, just to get to places. And wasn't until I went through all this that I realized I'm like, man, if you're in constant pain, it's really tough to deal with things. So I think I picked that up. And then, you know, group of friends that I was with in high school and what we did moving forward after that, none of us really talked about our feelings or anything like that. It's just

You know, you keep doing stuff or you just drink not to think about that and just keep moving forward.

Matt Gilhooly (10:29)
Yeah, and I I I think it's probably safe to say that society puts a lot of that on on boys growing up. Like there's certain things that maybe not as much now, thankfully, but you know, like me growing up in the eighties and nineties, I just knew that there were only a few emotions I was allowed to have. I was allowed to be mad and I was allowed to be happy. And like I couldn't be the other things, even though I desperately wanted to be. Did you, like me, did you have

pat (10:36)
Yeah, absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly (10:57)
Moments where when you were feeling a certain type of way and when you were feeling down or whatever was happening inside that you weren't able to share with others, did any shame come with that? Cause like I felt like ashamed that I was feeling ways that I wasn't supposed to feel. Okay.

pat (11:14)
for sure. Because it

was like, you know, I grew up in a good family and, you know, they sent me to Catholic school. And every time I thought about these things, it was like, you're not allowed to feel like this. was, you know, there's people that are way worse off than you are. Like, what are you so depressed about? Why are you getting so down on yourself? Like, you're not allowed to do that. You have to just show up and you can't show that.

You can't show that weakness because what do you have to complain about? know, consistently thinking about that. Yeah, as far back as I can.

Matt Gilhooly (11:47)
Right.

And then you start that and then it snowballs and then it just becomes like your life, right? If you don't deal with it, it just becomes n quote unquote normal, would you say? Like for you, you just kind of, this is my life, this is how I have to live it, and this is how I do it. Not necessarily intentionally pushing things down, but rather like this is just how I do it.

pat (11:57)
for sure.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

For sure. mean, if you're a kid and you don't deal with your emotions, your trauma, you just push it down and you just keep moving. You're going to become an adult that hasn't dealt with that. And it just goes in your adult life and it's going to come up and it's going to keep coming up. And if you don't deal with that, it's just going to get worse and worse going forward.

Matt Gilhooly (12:36)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. So before your life shift moment, your accident that you had that kind of started you on this newer path, would you say that you were enjoying your life? You were I mean, it sounds like maybe you thought you weren't living your life to the fullest, but maybe did you have a good life? Would you qualify that as a good life at the time for you?

pat (13:01)
yes and no. Yes and no. mean, I did a lot of cool stuff in my life. I traveled a ton.

Matt Gilhooly (13:01)
It's a loaded question, but

What were you doing?

pat (13:11)
man, I think I've been to about 54 countries, right? I've always loved to explore. I was fortunate enough to be able to play rugby in New Zealand, in Australia, to go to school in Australia. In Nicaragua, I would live there off and on for about eight years for like, you know, two to three months throughout the year was helping run some.

resort businesses out there that started with some partners. And, you know, I did like, but I was doing all that stuff where I was constantly moving, constantly doing things to not deal with what was going on in my own minds. Because when I was alone with my own thoughts, that's where everything came up, you know, and I just kept pushing it down. like, so I'm like,

Okay, like I'm having these thoughts, what am I doing? I'm gonna go surf, so I don't have to think about this. I'm gonna go for a long run, so I don't have to think about this. I'm gonna go hang out with somebody else, so I don't have to be alone and deal with this stuff. And then, you know, when people that are close to me, people or relationships, I had a hard time still opening up about what was going on with me, because it's like going back to what you were saying earlier about the shame. It was like...

I felt shameful talking about it all the time that I was going through these things that I was having these negative thoughts, these depressive thoughts. it was just, to me, it felt like I never had a safe outlet that I felt I could tell anyone because I always felt like I would be judged, that I would be looked down on if I ever did.

Matt Gilhooly (14:47)
Right. Did you in that what you just said made me think of this, did you ever like have a moment where you tried to be vulnerable and it was shut down and that maybe included a fear? Or was this just a fear that was never realized because maybe you could have done it all along?

pat (15:04)
think looking back on it, were probably times where I did where I tried to talk to someone about it and it just kind of shot down, especially like, you my friends growing up, I think a lot of them are going through the same things and we're just like, just shut up, you know, like don't deal with that, you know, and I think the more that that happens, the more you feel unsafe and actually talking about this stuff and it just gets repressed further and further. And then it's just going to manifest in other ways in your life and

Matt Gilhooly (15:07)
Okay.

pat (15:33)
Yeah, show up and show up at bad times and just continue to hold you back for sure.

Matt Gilhooly (15:40)
Yeah. So so you're in this time period in which you're just doing. You're just like the word is doing. You're just keeping busy so that you can push stuff away. So like what what happened to kind of bring you to this this life shift moment?

pat (15:44)
Yeah, right.

So July 10th of 2024. Yes, it'll be about two years coming up. But yeah, still recent in the context of what happened to me and what I'm dealing with still. Came home from work. friend John was outside of his house on my block, started talking. He's like, I'm thinking about going surfing. And I was just like, yeah, let's go. And we went and looked at it.

Matt Gilhooly (15:59)
That was recent.

pat (16:20)
You know, it was a windy, gray swept, foggy San Francisco summer day. And the waves didn't look appealing, but we were just going to go out for what we call is like a maintenance session when you haven't been out in a little while. It's just going out to paddle around to catch some waves, like keep your skillset sharp and just a way to be out there and just surf. surfing has always been a big outlet for me and I loved it. So anytime I had the opportunity, I would go, I live right down by ocean beach here in San Francisco, walk down there.

And as I recall going out, like it was a super low tide. The waves weren't that big, maybe three to four feet. But I remember seeing all the sandbars that were exposed with this really low tide and just thinking to myself like, wow, haven't seen like that many sandbars exposed in a long time. I was like, this looks a little sketch, but I was like, you you just put it out of mind. You're like, no, everything will be fine.

Remember being out there with John, we're kind of joking around. And at some point, not sure how long I was out there for, maybe half an hour or something, I remember paddling into a wave, standing up and going right. And my board just came to an abrupt stop. I think my board, one of the fins hit a sandbar and it just projected me forward. And my head went directly into a sandbar.

So when I came to, everything was black. And I realized that I was face down in the water and told myself, I'm like, whoa, what just happened? I was like, I think he just crashed out after the wave. So I was like, okay, swim, get up. And at that point, I just realized that my entire body was paralyzed and I couldn't move. So.

My brain is telling my body to swim and my body's not responding. And at that moment, I was just terrified. And I was like, you're completely paralyzed. What are you going to do here? And starting to realize that, you know, if you can't move and you're face down in the water, you're going to die. You're going to drown. So I remember all the thoughts kind of going through my mind, just being, you know,

telling myself, I was like, this is unfair. You know, there was so much more in my life that I wanted to do that I wanted to accomplish. And realizing how foolish it was, like, at moments in my life beforehand, when I'd be so depressed and thinking about not even wanting to live in that moment, just realizing how much I wanted to live. then trying to tell myself, you know, swim.

one more time, just move your neck, get a breath, and then nothing, my body's still completely paralyzed. So realizing that I was gonna die, beginning to say goodbye in my mind to loved ones, to my mom, my dad, my sister, my family. And...

being terrified about what was coming next, where I was going.

realizing that my life was about to end and trying to process it. And I recall just being overwhelmed by a really bright white light. And I don't know how to describe it, but everything felt a little more peaceful. It felt like love. And I was just kind of like, well, here we go. And I got...

kind of zapped up out of my body at an incredible rate of speed and just shot up into the sky, saw myself lying down for a minute and just kept going. that was the last thing that I remember with that. And when I came to, I was on the beach, kind of opened my eyes and I was surrounded by a bunch of people, you know, and people started asking you questions.

Do know where you are? Do you know what's going on? you know what happened? And I was just like, I had no idea what happened at first. I thought I was in a car accident or something. I didn't know. And then just lying there, my friend John was there. staring at me. What he told me later on was that, you know, we don't know how long I was under the water.

get separated when you're surfing out there. And it was foggy. so he didn't know where I was and we don't know the timeframe with everything. I mean, it could have been as little as five minutes or as much as 10 to 15. just don't know. And at some point he was just kind of like, where is he? And he started looking around and he saw my surfboard just kind of tombstone in the air and.

paddled over, it was still attached to my ankle. And he saw me face down in the water and he flipped me over and he said my face was just completely blue and purple and I was just gone. And in that moment, you know, he just grabbed me and started pulling and swimming with me back to the beach. He started screaming for help.

There was a fisherman that was around that sprinted in and helped him drag me in. Some people that were walking by called 911. They started trying to give me CPR and then they didn't know what they were doing. So John was just exhausted on the ground. He got up and he started doing CPR. And he said about on the fourth go around, just some water just started trickling out of my mouth. And then he looked up and the paramedics were sprinting there and they took over.

I don't know how many rounds it took, but eventually I came back and then, you know, was thrown on a gurney and they ran with me up to an ambulance, got me to the hospital, cut off my wetsuit. was plopped naked on the gurney table there and just about 10 people just started going to work. I just remember tubes going in and out. remember my legs weren't moving, but

My upper body was just in an immense amount of pain, like burning and stuff from the nerve pain. And I just remember thinking, well, if at least I can feel that, that's a good sign. So I'm not completely paralyzed. I could move my chest around my left arm, but my right arm wasn't really working and my right hand was just wrapped into a claw that I couldn't get it out of. I got thrown into the ICU because my

heart rate was in a fib just jacking up to like 200 something beats a minute and then dropping down to like 20. And they didn't know if I was going to have a heart attack, if I was going to go into convulsions. So they had to stabilize me once my heart got stabilized, got, you know, started another day or two of MRIs, X-rays, people checking on me. And then, you know, at some point surgeon came in

basically gave me the rundown was like, you you've broken your neck. you've compressed your spine and we want you to have this surgery. And, you know, if you do this surgery, I believe that you'll have a good chance of walking again and, know, rehabbing your body. You're young. You are in good shape. I think you have a good chance. And if you don't do the surgery, we don't know what's going to happen. If it'll ever,

be able to heal from this. So I opted to have the surgery. was like nine and a half hours. They went in through my trachea and they went in through the back of my spine. and they gave me a spinal fusion, my C3 to C5. And I think I was very fortunate if it had been a bit lower. I'm not sure if I ever would have recovered if I would have been, you know, a paraplegic full-tone paralysis, but

They had the surgery. I was in the hospital a few more days before they transferred me to a live in rehab facility for people TBIs and traumatic brain injuries and spinal injuries. And it was just a rehabilitation place for that. So that was about the next three weeks of my life was just being in the hospital and just trying to get better every single day while I'm trying to process the trauma that I went through, process dying.

processing that I might not ever walk again, then I might not have full mobility of my body and just wondering where it was going. But, you know, I made a conscious decision at some point that I was going to give this to my all that I didn't want this to define the rest of my life and that I was going to do everything possible to get better. so it was just working every single day and doing rehab.

yeah. And so, yeah, it was, it was a lot.

Matt Gilhooly (25:21)
It's intense. It's a intense experience.

And I think so much of that before version of you colors this whole experience and that the kind of resigning to the fact that you're going to die, that you're going to be there and and realizing how much actually you wanted to live and and the things that we just take for granted. We're like, today's a bad day. Maybe I don't want to do this forever. But then

when it comes down to it, we realize, just kidding. Like I I wanna stay. There's so much more that I want to do. And then having the people around you, you know, kind of taking care of you. And would you say that when you had all these, I guess, facing the trauma that the physical trauma, the emotional trauma, the mental trauma, the injury and the recovery part of it, were you allowing yourself

to face all that? Because the before version of you would probably have outrun some of that, right? Like, how did you or did this experience allow you to just be like, screw it, this all of this is hard and I need help here? Or were you still kind of somewhere in between?

pat (26:40)
Well, it's humbling, right? When you're

in a bed and you're used to being the strong person. You're used to being the athletic person that can do anything. And now you're in a bed and you need people to sponge bath you so you don't get, you know, bed sores and you need people to assist you to go to the bathroom to do anything. And you have nothing but time when you're in your bed is to think about what happens and to try and process things. It's not

Obviously it's not something that's easy to process. something that I still think about every single day, right? And the question of why I'm still here and why I was spared when there's so many innocent people every single day that don't have a second opportunity like I did. So that's something that's an ongoing process with that. But I do feel.

immense amount of gratitude and so fortunate to

just still be here and to experience life on a day-to-day basis. And from where I was before, when I didn't really allow myself to be in the present moment much because I wanted to outrun my thoughts, I wanted to be strong, it's allowing myself to be in the moment every single day that I have. Because like right now, this moment with you is really, truly all that we have in this world.

because nothing else exists. This exists right now. So it's just allowing myself to be in the moment, be with my thoughts, be with my feelings, and to really just give my all to what I'm doing.

Matt Gilhooly (28:29)
Yeah, it's like it's like in a terrible way your accident forced you to sit with your thoughts and your present moment and you couldn't you couldn't outrun it anymore. You couldn't do it. But I will s I will I mean, major kudos to you. I'm sure you had terrible days and I'm sure you had good days and all the things that come in between. But I think there's a lot of people that the easy way is to just be mad.

And and woe is me. I'm and all those things. And it sounds like you took the harder road, which is more beneficial for everyone, but it's definitely the harder road to be positive and to move through that. So kudos to you for

pat (29:07)
Yeah. Yeah.

for sure. And I mean, yeah,

that's everyday living. But, you know, in my situation, there was two routes that you could go. I could feel sorry for myself and I could just kind of give up and just be like, this is going to be my life now. Or, you know, I could say, no. And I don't blame anyone else that's going through that because I know what it entails and I know what you're going through.

Matt Gilhooly (29:31)
And honestly, nobody could blame you for that if you did.

No, of course.

pat (29:41)
So for me, you know, I took the other route where, know, obviously I have my days that were bad and days where I had setbacks. but I chose to just show up every day and just tell myself, you're like, what did you do today? You moved your foot, your foot moved. That's positive. And if you can move your foot, then you can get out of this bed. And if you can stand, then you can take some steps.

Matt Gilhooly (29:46)
Mm-hmm.

pat (30:09)
And if you can take them steps, then you can start walking. So it's just day by day, just building on that and just trying to remain as positive as you can. And there were so many people in the hospital there I was at that were really struggling and were really going through it. And some people that are just giving up to be honest with you. And I really just tried to be a beacon of light while I was in there and tried to encourage people.

when I could and when I was emotionally available for it, sometimes, you know, I was focusing on myself and having setbacks for just be like, you know, I can't do this. Am I ever going to be able to do this, trying to process that? And then when I'm in a better moment, seeing other people that are like that and just trying to talk to them and just being like, it's going to get better. We just got to keep working, you know, and we're all in that thing together. So it's just trying to feed off each other. And I was just trying to be.

the best version of who I could show up each day there to be a beacon of light for other people that were in there going through their own thing.

Matt Gilhooly (31:15)
Hmm.

I mean, the that's the way to show up if you can. And it it sounds like that you chose you chose a good path for yourself. I'm curious though, did it feel like with that po I don't want to call it positivity, but with that, you know, gratitude moving forward and hope, did it feel at any point at the beginning that you were like sh faking it to make it?

pat (31:21)
Yeah, if you can.

Matt Gilhooly (31:40)
Or was it true gratitude? And the only reason I ask that is sometimes it like when I am changing how I approach something, it feels very foreign, very confusing at first and I feel like I'm faking it, but then you do it more and then it feels natural. Did you have any of that experience? Or was it just like from the beginning I'm gonna

Be more this way.

pat (32:01)
Yeah.

I mean, yeah, it was like I said, I'd have my days where I would have setbacks and especially in the beginning where

You know, I'm in this situation and trying to comprehend what was going on and what direction my life is going. And then having these moments in the day where, you know, talking to myself and you're like, you're never going to get better. This is what it is, you know, but kind of catching myself sometimes and just being like, you know, you're like, you can't keep doing this. You

you need to allow yourself maybe 15 minutes to feel like this and then that's it. And you're snapping out of it. And, you know, it's also with me is I had an immense, immense amount of support. Like, you know, my family was always there and I just had so many friends that came and saw me, friends that flew out of state to come see me. And it was just, you know, just made me think about.

times in my life where I felt alone and I could not talk to anyone. then I I just had so many people that just showed up for me that it just helped more than I can even express. Just having people in your corner. It really helped

Matt Gilhooly (33:30)
Yeah.

That support is so important. And I think what it what I hear and am curious, did that support of all those people make you think of like I could have been sharing more with these people because they would have showed up anyway? And on the same note, did it did it allow you to be that way with them, to be more open and start being vulnerable with the people around you?

pat (33:58)
Yeah, I mean both. It was reflection on a lot of moments where I could have been better or I could have reached out to people or when other people were going through things and I could have reached out to them for to support them. But I also think in a weird way that my accident, know, in a weird way, I think my accident did save my own life where it just made me wake up a lot.

I wouldn't recommend to anyone to go through what I went through, but, you know, it, it's given me such a better perspective. and I also think that so many people in my life, it really shook them to the core and gave them such a bigger perspective because I think a lot of people looked at me as, know, like a strong person that was so athletic and they're like, if, you know, pack and go down like that.

and where he's at, it's like, what are we all doing? It's just thinking about themselves and then thinking about their own mortality. it really, I think it united a lot of people in my life. And in San Francisco, it's a big city, but it's small. And it's like, I couldn't go anywhere without someone knowing what had happened to me or somebody that wanted to talk to me. So I know that it

affected a lot of people in a positive way just to make them think about their own lives and you know, and then it, you know, strengthened. Yeah. And it strengthened a lot of relationships that I have because when you see someone that, you know, violently just has their life taken away in an instant and then they're back, I think a lot of people reflected on who I am and who I met to them. And then with myself, it's just

Matt Gilhooly (35:30)
Live more in the present.

pat (35:54)
Yeah, thinking about that and just thinking about,

this all could not have been, right? Like I could just be gone right now and thinking about how that affected other people. And it's constantly just something that I think about.

Matt Gilhooly (36:09)
Do you well

yeah, and I totally understand that. And it you know, it was almost two years ago, right? From this this thing. And so there's still probably a lot more you're gonna uncover about stuff. But would you find do you find that your relationships with people, friends, romantic relationships, all the things, do you feel like they're richer? Do you feel like they're different these days? Or do you did you kind of fall back into some of the same habits with some of your friends as well?

pat (36:21)
Yeah, for sure.

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (36:37)
Or did you lose friends because of it?

pat (36:40)
I wouldn't say that I lost friends, but I'm very aware of the time that I have and intentional with who I want to spend it with. But it's strengthened a lot of my relationships. You know, I tell a lot of my friends, my family, people that are close to me all the time, I tell them I love them, you know, and I think before it was more difficult for me to do that and to say it so often. But nowadays, like

you know, when you see somebody, you never know when the last time you're going to see someone is. wasn't like when I went surfing that day, I was like, today is a good day to die. I'm just going to go out and that's going to be it. It was, you know, no, I went to go surfing and then I was probably thinking about what I was going to do afterwards while I was doing it, you know. So you never know what is going to happen in this world. And it's just making the most out of the time that you have with everyone. We're all.

sharing this collective experience, spinning on this rock through the universe. you know, it's just try to show up with more kindness and empathy towards other people. And then, yeah, just really being intentional with how I show up with people and who I spend my time with for sure.

Matt Gilhooly (37:58)
Yeah.

I I mean I think that's like the biggest gift that this accident could give you. If I mean, you have a lot of things that you wish wouldn't have it wouldn't have given you, but I'm sure that outweighs a lot of the other pieces. have you how is your recovery physically? Like are you moving through the world differently these days?

pat (38:03)
Yeah, yeah, your perspective for sure.

I have my good days and my bad days with my body. I live with like a lot of pain consistently. Some days are a lot worse than others, but it's always there. It's like my dad said, he said, you the voice of pain is always there. It's just how loud is it going to show up? How loud is it going to be? And some days I'm just like, this is bad. Like my neck, my spine, my arms. And then if I don't take this

Gabapentin medication that I take like on time, then it can really get bad and go through my whole body. And, you know, it's like, feels like I'm getting electrocuted when something cold touches me sometimes. So the nerve pain takes a long, long time to really recover. so that's something I'm still dealing with, but like, yeah, like we're saying on the flip of that, like I give gratitude to the universe every night and every morning when I wake up. So

When I'm going through my day to day, it's really just trying to be present in the moment and what I'm doing. yeah, just the magnitude of what I've been through and what I've accomplished since my accident sometimes doesn't hit me. And then sometimes I'll be just alone by myself and be thinking about it just be like, yeah, I really, I'm here and I did all these things. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (39:43)
And a and split I mean it's your story is a split second kind of story, you know, in a way that had you I'm sure you've thought of this, which is not a healthy practice, but a lot of us do it. like had I not s gone into that particular wave and waited for the next one, could have happened again. You know, like who knows? Had I, you know, not left the house until thirty minutes later, would conditions have changed?

pat (39:57)
Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (40:09)
But that's a really unhealthy kind of thing to do. But it is I mean, your story is a split second thing. So what we can take from it as as listeners and the people in your life is like what you said before is be present and live the most in this moment instead of regretting the past or worrying about the future as you noted. So, you know.

pat (40:28)
Yeah, absolutely.

And life is full, chock full of those decisions with all of us, right? It's like, maybe if I had left five minutes beforehand, I wouldn't have, you know, gotten in a car accident or, you know, if I hadn't missed this bus, maybe something would have happened. It's just these little things in life that, you know, sometimes define us.

Matt Gilhooly (40:51)
Right. And, you know, it's a wasted effort of thinking of the what ifs, but it's it's a curiosity that we as humans often have. But you know, I think it it what this did for you, as tragic as it was and all the pain that you're currently, you know, kind of navigating, it gave you something probably really helpful as a human to kind of move through this world.

pat (40:54)
Yeah, drive yourself crazy. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (41:16)
differently and maybe appreciate the do you appreciate the world more? Or maybe not the world, but your life more than you did before?

pat (41:23)
Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I appreciate everything. Every single little moment. mean.

Matt Gilhooly (41:28)
Everything, even

the jerks.

pat (41:31)
I mean, I think I have. Man, I guess that's a tougher question. just. It's not like I appreciate people being mean, unkindness.

Matt Gilhooly (41:33)
Are you do you have gratitude for them?

I get it.

But you also never

know what they're going through. So there's the gratitude in the sense of that side.

pat (41:48)
I think it's looking

at it like this, like that, you know, trying to put yourself in their perspective and what it is, or just trying to kill them with kindness, come back with them and just be like, see how they respond to that. You know, you never know. And I mean, the job that I do every single day, I deal with a lot of people that are going through or have gone through a lot of trauma and it's just learning ways to deal with them, you know.

Matt Gilhooly (42:11)
Yeah, what do you do?

Yeah, what is that? What is what is your day to day like these days?

pat (42:17)
Yeah, I work as a,

I work as a deputy probation officer in San Francisco. So currently I was, yeah, I worked, as a counselor with kids in juvenile hall for a long time. I taught at a school for kids. First kids with special needs, I've coached high school basketball for a long time. And I'm the president of a nonprofit out here called city youth now where we help kids involved in the juvenile justice and foster care system. So currently for.

Matt Gilhooly (42:21)
Okay. Were you doing that before? Okay.

pat (42:45)
My job as a probation officer, I work with the transitional age youth population. So the 18 to 26 year olds. And I feel like I'm really good at that. And can empathize and help a lot of these guys that, you know, they're just starting their lives and they've already been through an immense amount of trauma. And, you know, I think I've always been good at my job. I've always been empathetic and able to help people, but

I think there's a different level to it now where I can share my story and tell them what I've gone through. And a lot of these guys that I'm dealing with just are just like astounded. And it's just kind of like a bonding thing with them, you know?

Matt Gilhooly (43:28)
Do you see a lot of those individuals like do you see a lot of the before version of Pat in those individuals? Like in the way that they feel about things or push things down? Is that commonplace? Okay.

pat (43:40)
Oh, for sure. For sure.

You know, and just seeing how they process things and, know, how, you know, a lot of these guys come from, come from environments where you can't show weakness. And I mean, that was me. It was like, I couldn't show weakness. Otherwise, you know, it's you show emotion. So something is perceived as weakness and you're a weak individual. And then, you know, you're a mark or, you know, it's

With these guys, I think a lot of these guys come from a lot of traumatic backgrounds, but they weren't allowed to process these things either. thinking about it from that perspective and putting myself in their shoes, it's just what can I do best to relate to them and help them moving forward?

Matt Gilhooly (44:23)
Is it more fulfilling now than before? I'm just putting words in your mouth so you can say no, but

pat (44:27)
Yeah.

know, I'll probably say no to that. I mean, I think it's always been kind of fulfilling to me. It gets really frustrating because a lot of people that you deal with just continue to reoffend, continue to do stuff. So it can get very frustrating. But I always definitely have a passion for helping people and helping my community. So every day that I wake up and go to work, you know, I kind of put on that hat. That's like, all right, you know,

Matt Gilhooly (44:30)
Okay.

pat (44:54)
Even when it's bad, it's good. There's going to be difficult things that happen today and you're going to be in difficult situations, but it's going to be how you're going to show up. And it's just not even for, you know, the people that I'm supervising. It's all for also for my coworkers and who I'm surrounded with because, you know, there's a lot of secondary trauma from what we deal with and it can weigh heavy on a lot of people that I work with. So understanding that and trying to show up as the best version of myself. And I think a lot of people.

Matt Gilhooly (45:14)
Right.

pat (45:24)
have seen what I've gone through and have been inspired by it. And, you know, I've told my story in a lot of public settings, a lot of podcasts now, and a lot of speeches and even in smaller rooms, just talking to people and continuing to preach that message that, you know, live in the present moment, be very grateful for what you have and be intentional with how you spend your time because we never know when this life is going to turn out.

Matt Gilhooly (45:53)
Very true. Is there something on are you allowed to have a bucket list for yourself? Like look towards the future? Like what do you want to accomplish next in this second chance at life?

pat (46:05)
I think I don't want to drive myself crazy with it, but because then it's like putting pressure on myself, but I want to be the best version of myself that I can. I want to be an inspiration to people. I want to be a light in the darkness. I want to have a good perspective and live my life in a way that people can be inspired by me and

change their life to live in a better manner as well. So that's really where I'm at. You know, I've pretty much finished my book that I wrote about everything that I've been through and everything that I've done. And I'm just trying to get that out in the universe. And then I'm hoping that people can read it and feel inspired by it. And I can speak to people and just continue to preach my message and just my way of being how I'm going to show up every day is, you know, I think it's

going to help people. that's, I honestly think that I'm here for a purpose that, you know, my time wasn't finished on this planet that I have a lot more to accomplish. I have a lot more people to help. So that's how I'm going to look at things. That's my perspective is that I'm here for a purpose and that purpose is just to, you know, be who I am and help people in this world.

Matt Gilhooly (47:27)
Yeah, and I see that, you know, as you were saying that, helping others and everything, I think you're also helping yourself. You know, I think there's something that sometimes we as humans forget to do and that is to like honor ourselves and like how we're feeling and how we're moving through the world and enjoying that and not you can still be at service to others, but also to ourselves and I think not in a selfish way, but in in a way that just makes your existence on this planet better.

pat (47:33)
Yeah, for sure.

Matt Gilhooly (47:56)
Right. And so I think there's there's that it seems like you're doing that or you're working your way towards doing that. And you know, yes, putting the pressure on yourself of of being a inspiration to a lot of people, you know, people will resonate with your story even if your their stories are totally different than yours. And you know, and so I think that is a is a lofty but very attainable goal to, you know, your your story's gonna find the right ears. That's how I think of this podcast is like

pat (47:56)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (48:25)
had so many different conversations and I know my true goal is that the person that needed to hear your story or someone else's story feels less alone or feels like they can move through the world differently. And I totally think people hearing your story will feel that way, whether they've had a traumatic accident or not.

pat (48:42)
Yeah, I love that. Thank you for saying that.

Matt Gilhooly (48:44)
Yeah. So you you spoke of a book, you spoke of, you know, kinda getting around and talking. Like what's the best way if someone's wants to connect with you or find you or read your book or like what what are the options to find you in this world? Not in person, but wherever.

pat (49:00)
yeah,

no, you could look me up. Just my name, Patrick Yalon, Y A L O N on Facebook, Facebook or LinkedIn or Instagram. All three of those, one of those channels, you can find me and then. Yeah. And then my book. I'm hoping to have it out in the next month or two. I've been looking for publishers. It's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

Matt Gilhooly (49:10)
Okay. All right. We'll put the links there.

pat (49:26)
You know, I've been looking for somebody to take a chance on me. think that, you know, like we're talking about that my book can really make an impact in people's lives. So one way or another, it's going to get out there and it's going to get out there soon and I'll be putting it out there and I'm hoping that people will read it.

Matt Gilhooly (49:26)
Yes.

Cool. Well, if they if I put the links to your socials, I would assume that when that's available, that'll be there. how are you? I'm gonna tell them to do this anyway, but curious how you feel if someone hears your story on this episode and they something resonates with them or they want to reach out and tell you a part of their story that connected with yours, how do you feel about them randomly messaging you on? Okay.

pat (50:04)
I'm always open to be talking to people and it's like,

you know, like I said, my purpose is to help people in this world. anything that I can do to help people who are struggling or move along their journey, I'm more than willing. I'm all ears. I could help.

Matt Gilhooly (50:10)
Yeah.

Yeah, and and the reason I say that is sometimes p like you, previous version of Pat, you had stories. You but you didn't necessarily share them with others. But I bet the first time you started sharing your story, there was quite a power in that for you of letting it out, getting it out of your head, putting it on paper. And so that's what I think of about people listening. Maybe they haven't told anyone, or maybe something sparked something, a memory of theirs. And

I just encourage them to reach out and get those words out of your head. Get them like out to someone and share. There's so much more connection that we can have by sharing our stories. So so I bet.

pat (50:53)
yeah, absolutely. And writing really helped me along my journey here. You know,

I had to stop a lot of times and cry and give myself some space to compose myself before I go back because it brought up so much and I had so much to talk about. So yeah, I would encourage anybody that's, yeah, I would encourage anybody to write down their thoughts to journal, to get it out there because it really does help.

Matt Gilhooly (51:09)
But then when you let it out.

Yeah, for me everything's very messy in my head and then I get it on paper, I'm like, Okay, I can deal with that. Or like it's not as traumatic as it was spinning around in my brain. Now it it kind of makes a little bit more sense. So well, I appreciate you, Pat, and sharing your story in this way and answering whatever random question came out of my mouth. I think this is the way that we create connections by just being curious and asking the questions.

pat (51:21)
Yeah.

Right. That's right. That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah, no doubt. Yeah. Thank you so much for having me on. I appreciate it.

Matt Gilhooly (51:44)
Well, back at ya. And I appreciate everyone listening. Thank you for coming along this journey for the last four plus years. And with that I will say I will be back in a couple of days with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Pat.