Illness: When the Hard Thing Sets You Free

Matt Gilhooly (00:00)
What does it feel like when the thing that's driven you your entire life just goes quiet? For Carly, that feeling in her gut, the one that had been whispering keep going since she was a kid, disappeared right around 30. And then came a second cancer diagnosis, and then came clarity that she never expected. Carly's an actor, a teacher, a storyteller, and someone who has learned, maybe the hard way, that making it means whatever you decide it means. This is her life shift.

Carly Otte (00:27)
but I was diagnosed with second cancer in 2023, which was is the life moment shift that I I, you know, first wrote to you about.

It kind of sent me further into the hole that I was already And it was also the thing that sprung me out of it and really kind of helped me find the clarity that I had been looking for.

Matt Gilhooly (01:22)
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift Podcast. I'm here with Carly. Hello, Carly. Well, thank you for wanting to be a part of this really beautiful journey that I've been lucky enough to be on with the Life Shift Podcast. I mean, I guess I created it, but at the same time, it just feels like it's taken on its own life, which is really beautiful for me, someone who grew up not

Carly Otte (01:27)
Hi Matt, thanks for having me.

Matt Gilhooly (01:47)
Talking all the deep conversations, kind of understanding that there were certain things that we just don't talk about and we can't be curious about because they're not our business. When I've really found through all these conversations that listening to people's stories in the way that they want them to be told is really valuable for me as a listener because I understand the human condition. We might have wildly different stories, but the way that we feel about certain moments in our lives, they're

very similar to each other. So thank you for before you even share your story for just wanting to be a part of it.

Carly Otte (02:22)
Yeah, I I love listening and I think what you're doing is incredibly important to feel community, to feel less alone on this winding road. Yeah. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (02:29)
Yeah, you understand that. Yeah.

It's it's, you know, when I was eight, my mom was killed in an accident accident. And I was told, or not directly, but kind of told that I wasn't supposed to talk about it. I wasn't supposed to be sad for a certain amount of time. I was supposed to push it around. I mean, push it down. And now I think if I had access to hearing stories like I hear on the Life Shift podcast when I was younger.

thinking, wow, I'm not the only one with a dead mom. I knew logically I wasn't, but it felt very like isolating. And so so to hear that I think of all those people out there that you probably know of as well that feel really alone in something that other people unfortunately or fortunately share similar experiences about.

Carly Otte (03:16)
Yeah, absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly (03:18)
Well, before we get into your story, can you tell us who Carly is in 2026? Like how do you show up in the world? How do you identify these days?

Carly Otte (03:27)
Love this question. It's such a great place to start. Cause I think I'm I've been very reflective, I'll say, in the year of 2026. And I think I'm kind of reached a point in my life where I can really appreciate how the answer to this question changes so much truly every year. so I'm a lot of things, right? I'm I'm a partner and a daughter and a dog mom. I'm a performer, I I'm a teacher, I love, I love being creative, I love challenging myself.

Matt Gilhooly (03:33)
Mm.

Carly Otte (03:56)
but I feel like this period of my life has been sort of reevaluating myself or just evaluating myself outside of certain identities or accomplishments or milestones that I think I used to cling more tightly to. I don't know, maybe part of this is sort of the after effect of the life shifts that we're gonna talk about. Maybe also it's just sort of a natural part of aging, kind of the difference between your 20s and your 30s.

But yeah. Yeah. I think it's just like I'm I'm yeah, clinging less to the identity and more just sort of trying. I don't know if I fully have accepted it, but trying to accept that I am an ever-evolving person. yeah. yeah. And kind of like trying to not fear uncertainty, but accept it as just it's it is life, right? Is that you don't know what you're gonna be next year. Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (04:20)
Wait till you hit forty.

Yeah. I I don't think we're taught that growing up.

Mm-hmm.

Especially in your field. Yeah,

yeah, that uncertainty. No, I think i it's it's really interesting because a lot of people I talk to, I'm in my mid forties and so a lot of people in my generation, it was very much like, What do you want to be when you grow up? And it was very definitive of like you should know when you're eighteen 'cause you're gonna go to college and that that's just what you're gonna do for the rest of your life. And I think now when I talk to people that are in like that I graduated with, we're all

re-evaluating like you are now and like choosing different directions and and going against all the things that we kind of assumed we were supposed to do. No one really t told us that we needed to, but we just kind of assume that. So it sounds like you're on a similar journey of like really shedding some of the things of maybe the way you identified in the past.

Carly Otte (05:34)
Yeah. One, I think, you know, we're probably generationally close enough that we did experience that similar mentality, you know, of you grow up and you go to college and and I feel like millennials we were very much taught this very specific path and you'll have hit certain marks or you'll do certain things. And I think all the time, like I I if I had a kid that was going to college or that age, I don't I don't know what I would advise them, but I

I would not advise them the way I was advised, certainly. I don't know if college was necessarily the best thing for me. But at the time there was just no other. That was it. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (06:10)
That was your option. That was the only thing. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I I call it the checklist life that I used to live. It was very much graduate high school, go to college, you know, get a good job, buy a nice car, buy a house, get you know, like it was just all the things and you check off and you're like, this one's gonna bring me happiness. And then you get to the next one and you're like, Mm, maybe the next one. So

Carly Otte (06:31)
Yeah. I

feel like ev even it's even subconsciously, I feel like I believed that eventually I would sort of figure adulthood out. Right? Like I just need to do a few more things and in a few years I'll really have this life thing all figured out. Yeah. And then now I'm like, that's I don't think that's coming actually. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (06:39)
Mm-hmm.

Just settle right in. Yeah.

Also, and do we want that? Like I think we did

want that. And now I'm sure you're seeing this now as you're more reflective here in 2026. It's kind of exciting to kind of find new versions of ourselves and and kind of move through the world maybe a little differently than we did before and experience it in different ways. So kudos to you for finding this space and and creating this version of you. And may it continue to evolve into all the things that you want.

I'm sure there'll be ups and downs, but that's kinda fun too, in a way.

Carly Otte (07:20)
Right. Yeah.

Cheers, like sort of cheers into all the past versions of myself and all the future versions. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Matt Gilhooly (07:26)
They got you here, those past versions. So, you know,

they've given you what you have right now. And I wouldn't trade them as bad as some of the the moments were. I wouldn't trade them because it wouldn't be in this moment and being able to experience things in this way. So speaking of story, let's maybe maybe I'll have you paint the picture of your life leading up to this main pivotal moment that we're going to talk about today, this life shift moment. I fully understand that you've probably had many life shift moments in your life.

So maybe give us the before version of Carly leading up as far back as you need to go to kind of paint that version of you.

Carly Otte (08:02)
Yeah, I I'm an actor. I grew up, you know, very much a theater kid. very bullied for being a theater kid. Yeah. and yeah, well, even the bullying, right? Similar. It's like that is, you know, I've spent many years in therapy kind of unpacking the person that that shaped me into. But yeah, who knows who I would have been as a kid, who I would be now.

Matt Gilhooly (08:09)
Same.

Same.

But you wouldn't have it any other way, I mean, at this point, right?

Carly Otte (08:30)
If it weren't for all of those things. and I went to school for musical theater. I was like very tunnel-visioned, like feed, I'm gonna be on Broadway. You know, like no one could. yeah. I I think I was a little I had that sort of like, I'm a very self-aware person, but I think I had that healthy dose of delusion that you need in order to like be an artist of any kind. And, you know, and I had I was very fortunate to have parents that didn't really.

Matt Gilhooly (08:35)
Mm-hmm. Like as a from young age too? Okay.

Carly Otte (08:57)
at least to me, you know, maybe to themselves, they were had question marks and concerns. But like to me, they didn't they didn't show that. They just said, like, we're, you know, we'll help you figure this out. Right. Yeah. Like we don't know what this path looks like for you, but we will support you and help you figure it out. behind the scenes I certainly had teachers who said, like, don't, don't do that. but yeah, but I I moved to New York.

And I think, yeah, I just very much I I felt like I knew who I was. I was a very like strong willed kid, you know.

Matt Gilhooly (09:27)
Mm-hmm. You did the typical

move like after college or for college? Okay.

Carly Otte (09:31)
After college, yeah,

at twenty-two. And I think that's, you know, we'll maybe get into this more, but that was one of those identities I really clung to of like I moved to New York at twenty-two and supported myself in this really hard place. And that was like a point of pride where I felt like, you know, this is part of my identity that I had to eventually let go of. but yeah, I think I I just you know, I mean, I I think it's typical of any twenty-two year old, right? Like you just you think you know who you are, you think you have so much figured out, you think you know what your life is gonna be like.

yeah, yeah. I mean a really fun time in my life, right? When I think back to my mid-20s and living in New York City, like what a blast. But

Matt Gilhooly (10:00)
You're making it happen, yeah.

What were you doing were

you were you booking jobs? Were you what was what was that experience for you?

Carly Otte (10:13)
So I moved there to do theater, but pretty actually within my first year discovered and decided that I actually mostly wanted to do film and television rather than theater, which has mostly been my journey since then. and I felt like I really want to figure it out. You know, I was very I'm I'm the kind of person that if I don't not knowing something doesn't intimidate me. I just feel the pressure to figure it out. and so I really just kind of threw myself into that scene in New York.

writing and producing my own things so that I could learn what that looked like. you know, working, you know, I started like a lot of actors users, just working background on big sets so that I could figure out what it's like to be on a big set, just doing anything I could get my hands on.

Matt Gilhooly (10:54)
That's

smart though. I think you you mentioned the word delusion, but that is not to me, you were working for it. Like I think there are I I mean, you probably were in classes with some theater kids that had quote unquote delus like they thought everything was gonna pour into their laps and everything was gonna work out that way. But you it sounds like you were putting in the grunt work whether you know.

Carly Otte (11:18)
Yeah,

thank you. No, I d I was a really hardworking kid for sure. I I mean I worked really hard to, you know, achieve the things that I wanted to achieve. I think when I say delusion, it's that

I think, I think to to convince yourself that it that's the right thing to pursue, you just have to kind of there I don't know I don't know what to call it, but I think I I always had I had a lot of self-doubt, probably coming from being bullied, right? I always like I think like most people, right? I had a lot of insecurities. I never felt like I was the most talented person in the room or the prettiest person in the room or the funniest person, right? Whatever it was, like right, I had all these insecurities.

But even despite that, I had this kind of pit in my gut, like this feeling in my gut that just always always there that said, but if you just keep going, you'll make it.

Matt Gilhooly (12:11)
Yeah. Was part of that

like this is the only thing I want to do? Did or did you have other backup things that you thought maybe you wanted to do? 'Cause I think with one big dream and no backup, it's it could be the direction people go.

Carly Otte (12:25)
Yeah.

Yeah. I I'm good at a lot of things. I think also maybe that's part of the that curse of as you get older too of like just because I'm good at something doesn't mean I should do it necessarily. So like figuring out like, okay, well what are the things that actually bring me joy and I that was also part of that sort of early mid twenties journey in New York to my

Matt Gilhooly (12:38)
Okay.

Carly Otte (12:51)
I kind of discovered early on that I didn't really enjoy the the sort of like starving artist cliche that I feel like was very fed to us of like you just move to New York and you hustle and you grind and you work all these shitty jobs that you hate so that sometimes you can be an actor. You know, like that's that's like the vision that was very I feel like instilled in us. and then I got there and I thought, this that's a not a very nice way to live and like not a very nice way to treat myself. And, you know, being an artist

I I think I identified pretty early on that like being an artist is a long game, right? And if you want to stay in it for the long game, you have to, at least for me, I felt like I have to fill my life with other pockets of joy. Until Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think, you know, I I really caught on to that, yeah, at a young age. and so I went after kind of like other careers and other things that I enjoyed that I liked.

Matt Gilhooly (13:33)
That's very mature.

Okay. Yeah.

Carly Otte (13:45)
Cause I thought I can be good at other things, you know,

like maybe it's not my ultimate passion and dream to be an actor. But while I'm on the pursuit of that, I wanna also fill my days with things I love. so I feel like I've lived many lives in my career, I've done many different things. but a lot of that stems back to those kind of early adulthood years of just trying a lot of things, figuring out what's not for you, like, okay, just because I'm good at this, but I don't like it, or actually I'm not good at this thing, I'm not gonna do that anymore. You know, whatever it is, right? Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (14:10)
That's a huge lesson.

A huge lesson. Mm-hmm. And you had you were in a place in which there were a lot of options, I'm guessing, because it's such a populated city or area, if you will, to be able to try those things. So you were you were hustling to kind of make a happy life, would you say, a joy filled life?

Carly Otte (14:12)
It's a lot of trial and error in life.

Yeah, I think

I think so. I just was really in the pursuit of like I wanna enjoy, you know, I wanna enjoy all of it. Not just the moments where I get to do acting or get to do performing. You know, I wanna enjoy everything that I'm doing. and what does that look like? I think also, you know, I lost this isn't the life shift moment we're here to discuss, but I I lost my dad in my mid twenties as well. And I think that, you know,

those first big experiences of loss are also a really shifting moment too where you think, okay, I want like what is the meaning of life? You know, I think that was like a a first one for me. also, I mean, I feel like I'm telling my story a little out of order, but I, yeah, the the that sort of like pit in my stomach feeling that I was talking about earlier, I had it, it just and it was always this sort of constant thing that

Matt Gilhooly (15:11)
That's fine. This is your story.

Carly Otte (15:22)
grounded me. and it went away when I turned 30. I started it it all of a sudden it disappeared or it started to feel shaky. which I think was sort of the first turning point in this life shift of and it really scared me. I I think just turning 30, not the 30's old by any means. I didn't feel old, but I think it is a milestone, right? Kind of turning the page of a new decade and thinking,

Matt Gilhooly (15:44)
Mm-hmm.

Carly Otte (15:48)
Okay, do I wanna do I like where my life is? Do I like where my life is heading? maybe I'm not meant to be an actor, right? That those those fears and self-doubt really crept in hard in that sort of that moment. And it scared me because I just felt like, okay, it's not like I've always been this overly confident person, but I always had that pit in my stomach that told me to keep going.

And now that's not there. So like what what is life without that? Yeah. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (16:14)
Yeah. Yeah. What does life start to do to you? What

like how do you push through that? Do you push through that? What happened?

Carly Otte (16:23)
Yeah, well, part of it was the pandemic. You know, that that would have been twenty twenty two. So we were sort of really, I feel like at that point life was starting to come back to the new normal. And then we were really grappling with all the things that the pandemic had changed. It was kind of like I came up for air and I looked around the room and I saw all the things that were different than they were two years earlier. And I thought, I don't like a lot of this.

And some of it was of my own making, some of it was because of the pandemic, things out of our control. yeah, I feel like twenty twenty-two was just this really weird, fuzzy year where I was like, What is life? My life, the world's life, like what are we all doing?

Matt Gilhooly (17:04)
Would you classify

that as like a I think a lot of people went through evolution during the pandemic? A lot of people fell into a little bit of a depressive state as well. Did with with those two things coinciding for you, did that bring were you less happy about thing? Like j was there less joy because of those things? Did you feel like

I don't know, forlorn more than you normally did. And okay.

Carly Otte (17:35)
Yeah, definitely.

Yeah. I think it was it was a time of depression for a lot of people. and just questioning and you know, I mean, even, you know, I I mentioned earlier about like certain identities that I used to cling to. I I left New York in those two years, you know, which I don't know if I would have done if it hadn't been for the pandemic, but I that sort of

Matt Gilhooly (17:54)
Okay. Mm-hmm.

Carly Otte (18:00)
you know, let off a chain of events that led to me leaving New York. So it was like my li I just looked up one day and my life was so different. And I just thought, this isn't what I planned. I don't think this is what I want. My career isn't yeah, I was just it was I don't know. It it was a weird and and time felt so mushy too, right? Like I think I talk about that still with friends where we can't believe it's been six years now since the pandemic, right? Because that felt it it doesn't feel like

Matt Gilhooly (18:11)
That's a hard pill.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And we're still missing things

from the before times. And yeah, it's it's I th the thing here is that I globally I don't think you're alone in that feeling of looking down and then looking back up and everything is is different. There's so many of us like everybody's life's changed in str drastically, even if they weren't, you know, living this life that was in front of people all the time.

Carly Otte (18:29)
Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (18:54)
So I I

think that's very relatable. But to add to this, it's you're you're losing your identity because no you're no longer a New Yorker, if you will, or you're no longer pursuing that, especially in your career choice. A lot of things shut down, right? Like you weren't able to do as much, maybe.

Carly Otte (19:11)
yeah. Well that and that's part of, you know, why we left. My partner and I were neither of us were back to work, you know, and you know, kind of in late twenty twenty, right? And our and our very expensive Brooklyn lease was due and we just thought, What it doesn't make sense to stay here when neither of us are back to work, our industries are shut down. you know, so it was absolutely the right decision at the time. But then

Matt Gilhooly (19:22)
Yeah.

Carly Otte (19:35)
so much unf it w it was like all so much then unfolded in the next year and a half. It w like I said, it was like the pandemic was just that obviously very large thing that set off a domino of individual things for each of us that looked a little differently. But it was just like all of a sudden I looked up and everything was different and I felt just really, yeah, like the ground was shaky. I didn't I didn't know who I was. I felt like I was really clinging to this 2019 version of Carly that I already felt so far away from.

Matt Gilhooly (19:39)
Yeah.

Carly Otte (20:03)
But then

again, time was mushy, so it felt like yesterday, but also you know, years had gone by. And I really started to think, okay, maybe I'm not an actor. Maybe I'm what am I? Right. And I went through this whole whole journey, but I was diagnosed with my second cancer. Didn't even get to the first one yet, but I was diagnosed with second cancer in 2023, which was is the life moment shift that I I, you know, first wrote to you about. And that is

It kind of sent me further into the hole that I was already in. And it was also the thing that sprung me out of it and really kind of helped me find the clarity that I had been looking for.

Matt Gilhooly (20:46)
Was this I mean I'm I'm glad that you're here and hopefully all the things have progressed in the way that you hope. but curious about that, was it a surprise to you? Was it something that was building up? Was it something you were noticing? I mean, you don't have to give me all the details, but curious if it was like a confirmation of something you were feeling, or if it was just a blindsiding moment for.

Carly Otte (20:52)
Yes, I'm healthy.

It was pretty blindsiding. I mean, I I started to have some symptoms a couple months before being diagnosed, so which is what prompted, you know, testing and things. So in that sense, you know, like things are happening, you're going through the diagnosis process. I had been there before. but up until that moment, yeah, it was a total blindside. my first cancer diagnosis was when I was nineteen and I really didn't

properly address it, which I realized the second time around. So I think also being diagnosed the second time, I was processing that. And in a lot of ways, I was processing my first diagnosis

Matt Gilhooly (21:46)
And life that was happening

to you, the loss of the the gut feeling that you had driving you for so long. So you you have all of this compounding at the same time.

Carly Otte (21:57)
It was a very yeah, it was a very strange time.

Matt Gilhooly (22:02)
We often talk about or I like to talk about this line in the sand type moment. Would you classify and this is if it's too personal, then tell me to shut up. But curious if you look back at that moment and and why you chose that particular moment as your line in the sand, was it like when you got like when the doctor said the words? Was it ten minutes later? Was it was it a small moment? Was it you know, like do you do you th do you know

If this is a silly question, but is there a moment where you feel like, that was a line because everything after was different?

Carly Otte (22:40)
Yeah, I don't think I classified it as the line in the sand moment until later. Yeah, but I you know it

Matt Gilhooly (22:44)
Okay.

That's fair. In reflection,

you mean? Like reflecting on it?

Carly Otte (22:50)
Yeah, well I think, you know, it's like you're diagnosed and then a lot of things happen very quickly, right? So you almost don't even have the luxury to fully process the thing that's happening in the moment because it's just okay, I Yeah, I need to schedule appointments and I need to fight with insurance to get them to approve my life saving surgery and radiation, you know, treatments and all these things. And you're very your body just goes into like fight.

Matt Gilhooly (23:02)
Yeah. Your project managing. Mm-hmm.

Carly Otte (23:16)
Mode, right? Where you're just like, I need to just get through this thing. And then you come out the other side and you process it. I definitely went through a really kind of depressive period then as well, where I just felt like, why me? Like, why me again, right? Like a second at the time I was 31 when I was diagnosed, I was just like, like two cancers by 31, like that's.

Crazy, right? Like my brain just couldn't comprehend it. And I really went through this like why me kind of depression moment. And my mom and my partner both I remember we were sitting on my couch one day. And they were just like, This isn't you, like this isn't like you to be so, you know, so down. Like you have to find, you have to be positive to get through it, you know? And

Matt Gilhooly (24:00)
How do you feel when they

said that?

Carly Otte (24:02)
Well, I kind of put them in their place. I was I said respectfully, like I hear you. I and I don't it's not that like logically I I understand, right? Like yes, you have to be positive to get through things. Like I know. yes, of course. Yeah, they're like the greatest support system I could have ever imagined, right? They were there for me. In every way. But I just was like respectfully, like, I need you to let me go really dark for a bit because this is awful.

Matt Gilhooly (24:04)
Good.

Correct.

And they met well.

Carly Otte (24:28)
And I think I just knew myself too that like if I didn't let myself fully go dark, I wouldn't, I wouldn't fully find my way through. And I think that's later I connected that when I was diagnosed at 19, I didn't do that. I just plowed through with positivity. And I didn't want to be defined, you know, I was in college. I was like, I don't want to be cancer girl. You know, like I'm I'm I'm 19, right? Like I'm trying to figure out my life. I'm trying to like make connections in college and and

I just didn't want, I just kind of ignored it in a lot of ways. Yeah, and then in my thirties I said, no, I actually I think I need to sit with all of this.

Matt Gilhooly (24:58)
Yeah. Brush it under the rug, push it down. I mean it's it's a story we all get.

Good for you. I think that's really important

for people to hear though, because the people around us obviously what they want to see us better. They want to see us happy. They want to see us in our quote unquote normal state. But it's really hard when we're in that moment. And I think a lot of us can understand your feelings, but I think there's a lot of people that wouldn't stand up for themselves in that way. And I think it's really good to hear that you did that. And

Carly Otte (25:21)
Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (25:36)
Unapologetically because you needed it. That was the you knit like you needed to I mean, you knew they were supporting you. So you knew if it got really dark you were supported and but you knew that you had to to face those demons, if you will, in that moment.

Carly Otte (25:51)
Yeah. And I th

and I think they I trusted myself and they trusted me in that moment enough too to say, Okay, like we trust you to go do what you need to do.

Matt Gilhooly (26:00)
Also, you said it, right? Like I feel like

if it was really bad, you wouldn't have said it. You know, you would have said, okay, you know, and then done your own thing and like get really dark and pretend that everything is fine, which is worse, right? Like we can get ourselves into a lot of trouble when we when people aren't aware of how we're really feeling. So I I I applaud that. I don't mean to derail, but I think it's it's it's really important. I I do it now, I

Carly Otte (26:05)
Sure, sure.

Matt Gilhooly (26:27)
If I relate to my grief journey after my mom died, it took me twenty years to fully process. So like kind of like your first cancer diagnosis. It wasn't until when my grandmother got sick with cancer that I learned like basically I reflected on that whole grief journey in this way, kind of like your second diagnosis. So I get it. I get it. It's you have to you have to just go through

Carly Otte (26:53)
Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (26:54)
So you think that

you're you're you you get this dark point. Would you say maybe is there a moment that you remember where things weren't as dark for you? Like was there a switch? Was what did that look like for you?

Carly Otte (27:06)
I think it was an evolving process through that year through my treatment. you know, but I think once you turn the corner of for yourself and you feel like, okay, I'm not dying. I'm I'm okay. I'm gonna feel better soon. I'm you know, like when you really start to see kind of that light at the end of the tunnel when you're going through something like that. I think I was able to like get out of the fight mode and say, okay, now I just get to heal.

Matt Gilhooly (27:10)
Mm-hmm.

Carly Otte (27:33)
Not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally. And that was when I really started to embrace what that moment had done for me. and all of that uncertainty, like I said, like I feel like it dropped me further into the hole that I was already in that had nothing to do with cancer, right? It dropped me further into that. But then it also, on the other end, once I knew I was gonna be okay, it kind of helped spring me out to say, you know what? Like,

I don't know why this was my life path. I'll never know why. But it is. And I life is just too short. You know, even if you live a long life, right? Life is short. and it's too short to spend so many years second guessing myself, not pursuing the things that I love, not doing the things that I love. Not, you know, I think I just freed not that I I'm

The most confident person in the world now, and I have no insecurities, but I think it freed me of a lot of the insecurities that I did have, you know, in my younger adulthood. And the things that were maybe holding me back from being an actor, the feet those fears and things. And I just thought, and even kind of where I started the conversation too of like success. What is success? What is, you know, I think I really started to think like, okay, I feel like I failed as an actor because I'm not at this certain milestone.

By this certain age, but that's a self-made thing, right? Like failure, success is is a is a is a self-made thing. So, you know, if I just free myself of the that and I just do the thing I love because I love it, what does my life look like? And it just like totally changed my whole perspective on myself and what I wanted.

Matt Gilhooly (29:25)
It sounds really

easy, but th that's hard to do, to shed. But did it make it easier because you were already fighting for your life, if you will, in this in this cancer battle and I don't know if you call it a battle, but what you went through?

Carly Otte (29:40)
Mm maybe.

Yeah, I think and I think a lot of people who've gone through, you know, these life shift moments, these line and the sand moments, know it in different different ways, but it's a similar feeling of

Matt Gilhooly (29:46)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Carly Otte (29:53)
Life is fragile and and we ha all we have really is this like present moment that we're in. yeah, I just didn't I just didn't want to burden myself with stress. And I think it was like, okay, I've just went through a really hard thing. I think this is what it is, right? It's like I just went through this really hard thing that most people wouldn't even be able to imagine. So I know I can do hard things.

Matt Gilhooly (30:17)
Mm-hmm.

Carly Otte (30:18)
So if I can do that, you know, like I can go I can do anything else, right? It's sort of like it it just makes you feel like, I know hard and this isn't hard. You know, I can I can go do these other things that I wanna do. perspective, yeah, right, yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (30:20)
Yeah.

So perspective essentially. It yeah. Changes.

Did you feel like it was a a this is these are all cliches, so ex forgive me, but like a new lease on life? Did it feel like a blank slate? Did or did it feel like a continuation of a younger Carly's life journey? Like what it what did it feel like as you started to recreate this life that you actually wanted to lean into?

Carly Otte (30:55)
That's a question. I don't know if I've thought about it in those terms, but I wouldn't say it was a clean slate. I do think it was it was a continuation after maybe a pause, right? Like after I had been in this sort of paused, fuzzy place for a few years, I felt like it it was continuing, but as a new person then I was.

Matt Gilhooly (31:05)
Okay.

Different drive, different motivation, or and there's no right answer, by the way. I'm just curious.

Carly Otte (31:21)
Yeah, I think

yeah, no, it's a great question. I don't know. I y you know how they say that like getting older is just kind of falling back in love with the things you loved as a kid, or like falling back you know, falling back into the person you were as a kid. I feel like that's it was sort of that, right? mixed with the natural progression of I think that a version of that happens to everybody, right? Where it's just like, no, this is I I know who I am. I know the things I've always loved. And I just don't wanna

Matt Gilhooly (31:31)
Mm-hmm. Right.

Carly Otte (31:49)
second guess myself so much. I just want to keep moving forward and and accept that it is ever changing, right? Like I said at the beginning, like I you could let's catch up in a year and I'll probably say something different, right? Like I think it's just, and that's okay too, right? That I know who I am kind of at the core and I'm gonna try my best to embrace that there will be things in life I can't control, like a pandemic. Like

Losing my dad, like cancer diagnosis, you know. those things are gonna keep happening, 'cause that's life. But I just need to accept as best I can. I don't know. I d I I I'd I hate to say like I I hate to sound like I have it all figured out 'cause I most certainly do not, but

Matt Gilhooly (32:23)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well I think that's self awareness.

No, none

of us do. And I don't I don't think anyone's gonna take that that that you've figured out li the meaning of life and you know how to move forward. But I think the perspective shift happens and I I think what's kind of unique or where my brain is going, having grown up well, at least middle school and high school, I didn't go any further, but with theater kids and theater people, some of them

were doing this and I don't know which side you associate with. Some of them were doing it for this internal feeling, this joy. And some people were doing it for the approval, being seen, the applause, if you will. Was any of your journey one or the other, or was it you know, like where where did you lie within your creative outlets and why you chose that direction?

Carly Otte (33:25)
Yeah, I love that. I love that perspective. I think I mean I did it as a kid for the in internal. and I think because I've talked about this with a lot of performer friends where, you know, pre theater kids get a bad rep because they think of the cliche, like, you must love to be the center of attention, you're a drama queen, or you're whatever, right? They think of those things. But actually most

Theater kids, at least the ones I was friends with, we were all like painfully introverted and bullied. And theater was our safe space. It was like a a place where you could be someone else for a little bit, you know, you could step into another life. And and it was a it was a form of therapy, you know. is, yeah, yeah, a little bit. It's it's like a protection where you're like, okay.

Matt Gilhooly (34:08)
Right. Or hiding.

Carly Otte (34:14)
Maybe I don't know how to move through the world as Carly yet, but I know how to step onto a stage and be whatever character I was playing, right? You know? and it was very much, it was just because it was my therapy. It was my form of joy. It was it was for me. not that I disliked getting applause, but that's not why I did it, you know.

Actually, I think for me, I always when I think back to it, I loved making an audience laugh more than even the applause. Like when you when someone would laugh, I feel like that that was what really like fueled me. But I and I think now I'm reflecting on it from your question. I think over the years, maybe it slowly shifted away from this thing I love to I need to reach certain milestones to impress people, to

add things to my resume to post on social media to write. Like I need to show people that I'm doing the thing. Or I'm not really Yeah. Like I'm not really an actor unless I can prove to people in some way, right?

Matt Gilhooly (35:07)
Right. And I didn't fail at it.

Yep.

Yeah. Or get away from those I told you so. Told you you shouldn't have moved to New York. I you know the when you gotta make a living with some something, I think that's natural as well though, 'cause you do have to prove yourself in a way because you do need to pay the bills in you know, in that in that function that you've chosen to do be because you love it, but also there's this element of I think we get

Carly Otte (35:21)
Yeah. You should have done something else with your life.

Matt Gilhooly (35:39)
wrapped up in as adults is that we have to prove whether for me it was like I have to I have to prove I'm worth this by getting the next promotion so that I can tell people that I got a promotion. Right. And it's like why? Right.

Carly Otte (35:50)
I think no matter what your career career path is, right?

We all experience that in some way. And I think it's it subtly shifts over time. So it's not a conscious thing, at least for me. It wasn't conscious as it was happening, but I think that's part of, you know, turning 30 and kind of looking up and thinking, like what like what am I doing? I think that was all part of it. And in my line in the sand moment, it was about saying, No, I do this because I love it. For me, it's internal, right?

And I will keep doing it forever because I love it, not because I need to hit a milestone or I need to prove to anyone else why I do it. And I think that w is actually what really shifted. Ba and back to, you know, just finding what I loved about it in the first place.

Matt Gilhooly (36:34)
Do you think that it makes you better that way? Like better at what you do and and because you're doing it because you now you have this different it's a different motivation. It really is. It's going back to that old one, but it's still you're leaning into it because you love it. Does it make you better because you love it and not because you're trying to do it for other people? Not you weren't doing that a fully, but

Carly Otte (36:57)
Yeah, yeah, it probably does, right? I think and that's part of what I was feeling in you know, in those years where I was feeling a lot of uncertainty. I was also looking at my audition tapes and going, This is bad. Like I Yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah. They're not all gems, but it was like consistently I was just look I was like, I don't enjoy the audit I don't enjoy auditioning. I look at the tape, I don't feel proud.

Matt Gilhooly (37:11)
You gotta have bad ones though. Like you really have to.

Carly Otte (37:23)
What am I doing? You know, and I think it was. It was

just like it was all of these things slowly over time really bogged me down and I lost a lot of the joy in it. not because I didn't want to do it anymore, didn't love it, but it was it just got all mixed up, you know, got all jumbled up.

Matt Gilhooly (37:36)
Yeah.

What do you feel is the biggest difference between pandemic Carly and twenty twenty six Carly?

Carly Otte (37:45)
Gosh, I mean it's funny to think about that too, because even just globally, so much has happened in in those years, right? Like I feel like my whole my personal perspective has shifted, my global perspective has shifted. I feel very different. and I think a lot of people do, right? We all just feel this massive change from who we were. pre- yeah, and pre-cancer. Yeah, I think.

Matt Gilhooly (38:06)
Right, but pre cancer too, or pre second

Carly Otte (38:12)
I mean in this moment I feel much lighter than I did. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (38:16)
I gonna say that.

It seems like from the way that you tell your pre-story and the way that you show up now, there is something about you that's a lighter when you talk about life now.

Carly Otte (38:29)
Yeah, I I think

I realize how much pressure I put on myself.

Matt Gilhooly (38:34)
Yeah. I think we all I mean we all do until we don't. Like I feel like there has to be this this break moment in which we are forgive me for saying this, but lucky enough to hit this moment in which now we can shed some of the things that were just too heavy for us to carry. We didn't need to carry them. They weren't ours to carry, but we did anyway because that's what we were trained to do in whatever way that was, you know, and

It's it's nicer to be lighter. And to your point, it doesn't mean that we're not we don't have bad days. It doesn't mean that, you know, we have it all figured out. Like we're still human. We're still messing it up on a regular and that's okay.

Carly Otte (39:18)
Yeah. And I think that's what it is. That's exactly what

it is, right? There's still days or hours where I'm very hard on myself, where I put a lot of pressure on myself for things. But then I remember. more. I love most of them now. Yeah. I there's still a bad one every once in a while. pro that's part of the artistic process. Yeah. But I think, you know, even in moments where I'm being really hard on myself, the next morning I wake up and I think.

Matt Gilhooly (39:28)
Do you love all your tapes now?

More of them. Okay, good. Gotta have yeah.

Carly Otte (39:44)
That was silly. You know, like I it's it's like I'm I'm I I'm I remind myself of what I've gone through and I don't let that heaviness I try not to let that heaviness weigh me down for too long.

Matt Gilhooly (39:56)
I think the world is different now too, to your point. We're going through a lot in the last couple years. and so sometimes that makes me reflect on like, why are you worrying about this little thing, Matt, when all of this is happening? Like you're doing the best you can and that's good enough right now. You know, and that that I think for me the key was finding

the true self-awareness and acknowledgement that however I'm feeling at any moment is valid. And growing up it wasn't in my mind. It wasn't okay if I was sad, if I was depressed. It wasn't okay because that's just how I, you know, like I figured the world around me needed to see that I was fine and I was perfect. And so now it's just like, hey guys, it's a bad day today and that's okay.

I have the tools and I know that I'm gonna make it through, so bear with me.

Carly Otte (40:56)
My my patience for small talk has gone down a lot. I'm just like, let's just get into it. Like, how are you really feeling today? What's your biggest fear right now? Like, like let's just talk. Because I Yeah, yeah, exactly. yeah, I just think I think I'm I I'm trying to show up in the world more authentically too, to your point of not just saying, like, yep, everything's fine. I'm good. Like

Matt Gilhooly (41:02)
Yeah.

I th Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about religion. no

Carly Otte (41:21)
Which is hard to do and sometimes and not everyone is is on that same path with us, but and that's okay. but it helps you find your people. you talked about too with you know, when you go through these moments and like you did with your mom, feeling even though your logic brain knows other people have experienced this. It's very easy to feel isolated and alone. Like no one can understand me. I think that's also something that really shifted for me in

Matt Gilhooly (41:29)
Yeah, they don't have to be. Yeah, exactly.

Carly Otte (41:48)
The second diagnosis. I you know, I was going to the hospital every day for treatment. They kept trying to suggest cancer support groups to me. but everyone there was much older than me. and even for my, you know, I had I had salivary gland cancer the second time. And that was like most common in, you know, males.

Who were in their like 60s to 80s. And I just felt like that's I I mean, not that I wouldn't have a great conversation with them, but that's not necessarily where I'm gonna. Yeah, yeah. And I so I turned to TikTok and I started a TikTok account, and my first video was literally just, I'm going through this thing and I'm looking for other people who are going through it too. And it was kind of just a call into the void to see if anyone responded.

Matt Gilhooly (42:20)
different stage of life and

Carly Otte (42:40)
And people did. And I still have this TikTok page three years later. I still get comments. I I don't make videos as much anymore, but I've I've I really documented my process, made a lot of videos answering people's questions, and I still get comments on the videos. I still get DMs probably once a week at least, from people who say, I was recently diagnosed or my kid was recently diagnosed. Can I ask you questions?

And I I know how much it means to people to see my videos, right? Like I get I get those comments that are like, I was so scared and then I saw you and made me feel like things are gonna be okay. And I just think it matters so much. and I think I mean that's part of what this podcast is. So I just I I and that also helped me heal in a big way. Being able to yeah, like back to the sort of like why me th you know.

Matt Gilhooly (43:18)
Yeah, they feel less alone.

Right. Sharing your story.

Carly Otte (43:35)
mm mentality that I was in at the time, talking to others helped me shift that narrative for myself too, of like maybe it's me because I'm here to help someone else. Like e you know, even if I just help one person, if I point one person in the right direction or give one person advice that changes their treatment plan or changes their outlook or whatever it is, then maybe that's the why, right? At least that's what I'm gonna tell myself because it feels it it it help it helps it helps to create some meaning in the chaos.

Matt Gilhooly (44:03)
I also just think there like I say selfishly for me, like this podcast has been so healing because being able to share my story openly, hearing other people's stories, like I can imagine how maybe without even noticing how helpful it was for you to just create those videos, get the words out of your head. Because I don't know about you, but for me, the words in my head are much scarier than when I put them out or write them down on paper. So

Was that a was that a healing experience for you? Not the connection part, but just sharing it in that way.

Carly Otte (44:38)
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. It was it was it was wanting it was just wanting to put it somewhere. Yeah, out of my head. Cause I think I also as wonderful as my support system was is you know, I d I don't I didn't have any friends who could really relate to any of it, you know, in a real like tangible way. And

And I just felt like I wanna there's a lot I wanna say and I don't know where to say it. And I'm just gonna put it into these videos and hope may I think I did know, like I hope it finds the right people that need to hear it. But even if it's just for me, I think it helps still.

Matt Gilhooly (45:17)
Yeah.

You know, and if it was twenty years ago, you would have put it in your journal, right? And it would have helped you. But now we have, you know, this is the good side of technology and social media is this opportunity to help others while also helping yourself without being self-serving or anything like that. It just really putting it out there and creating community with people you might never even meet. Like I'm sure you get these couple DMs even now every week.

But like back when you were getting a lot, but there were like how many of the people were w watching your videos and just not reaching out, but still affected by them. So I'm sure that you've impacted way more than you could have ever imagined just by being you and being honest and and sharing your experience so that people don't have to go through it alone. Cause who knows what their support system looked like.

Carly Otte (46:10)
Yeah, I hope so. Sometimes I'll

look at like some of the more the more viral videos and how many saves they have on them. And that's what I think about, right? Like all the people that didn't reach out but they saved this video obviously for a reason. I I I can't imagine who would just randomly save a video about talking about cancer treatment, but maybe there's weirdos on the internet who would do that, but

Matt Gilhooly (46:29)
I'm I'm sure there are a few, but I'm

I'm guessing that most of the saves were probably people that needed that video and not so much weirdos, hopefully. And w whatever. There's a lot of weirdos everywhere. And you know, they make they make dinner parties interesting, you know? Right? If if I'm curious if if this lighter version of Carly, if you could go back

Carly Otte (46:36)
Yeah. Yeah, hopefully.

That's o you know, that's okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (46:56)
to the Carly that we didn't really talk about, but that nineteen year old that got the diagnosis that first time. Is there anything that you would want to tell her?

Carly Otte (47:06)
I do wish I had processed what was happening a little bit more at the time. You know, I mean, I try to not live with regrets and, you know, we have talked about like who knows, right? Like one thing changes and then everything changes. You know, you just never know where you'd be or who you'd be. But I I do I do wish I think I'd go back and just say, like, it's okay to be it's okay that

That that this is happening to you. It's okay to talk about it. It's okay to think about it. It's okay to be sad. Yeah. It's okay. to do some research on it. You know, like don't let it scare you, right? Don't let it scare you, but just like like fully embrace what is happening a little more. Like it it's all gonna be okay. And this is this is part of your story that you will eventually embrace.

Matt Gilhooly (47:39)
Okay to be sad if you need to.

Yeah.

Carly Otte (48:00)
I do wish a little bit that I had done that sooner. But

Matt Gilhooly (48:02)
Yeah. No regrets. I mean we can't we

can't change it, but it's always interesting to see when we think about that younger versions of ourselves and what we think we would have needed at that moment. Probably needed a giant hug from someone that understood.

Carly Otte (48:17)
Yeah, I think yeah, I think so too. If if I mean, because even then, I mean, social media was not what it is now. You know, I mean, I I had a Facebook, but it wasn't you know, like wasn't like, you know, it's it's n it it's not like how I used my TikTok the second time around, right? Like that wasn't a thing. so you know, I wasn't I I didn't even have Instagram, right? Like it was just not so I think I did need community then and I didn't know how to really find it.

and so I just kind of ignored it. And yeah, I wish yeah, if I could talk to that person and just say, like, go find some community. Like go, it's gonna you don't have to fear it. It's okay to like embrace this a little bit.

Matt Gilhooly (48:54)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

It's hard age though, nineteen, you don't want to listen. You know, even through the hard things.

Carly Otte (49:02)
No. Yeah. No, I w

I was just like, I'm fine, I'm good.

Matt Gilhooly (49:08)
Yeah.

And lots of people do it and they do it at older ages. And so I think another takeaway is really just, you know, we have to acknowledge the things that we're going through. because the more we push them down, whether it's grief, whether it's grieving a diagnosis or whatever I mean, this still is grief, whatever. it's gonna come back. At least I've found that it's gonna come back in some way. It's gonna bubble up. It's gonna get messier than if you had dealt with it at the beginning. So

Carly Otte (49:27)
Yeah.

Yeah, well and we both kind of experienced that version, right? Where you feel like you fully processed your mom's grief when you were going through a second grief. And that's I feel like that's what happened to me. It just all bubbled back up and I felt like, Okay, well now I need to deal with it. It's now or never.

Matt Gilhooly (49:38)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah. For me

for me, it was like when I knew that one because I had more time with my grandmother, she became like a mom figure to me. And so like I knew how terrible my experience was after my mom died and all the things I didn't do. So it was like this was a gift in a weird way because I knew all the things that I needed to do before, right? Like leading up and saying goodbye and saying all the thing. And so I felt like

It was a gift that I effed up for 20 years. You know, like so, even in your case, you probably processed and probably spoke out to your system and said, Look, I need to go dark. Like it I have to, because you didn't do it the first time. I bet there's a some subconscious elements that come in with that because it's gonna come back, you know. And

Carly Otte (50:41)
Yeah. A hundred a hundred percent. Yeah, it'll it'll

always come back.

Matt Gilhooly (50:45)
And who knows,

I mean, you maybe haven't even processed it all now, and maybe I haven't either, and that's okay too.

Carly Otte (50:51)
Yeah, sh certainly. I'm sure some some day there'll be some other thing that happens that kicks it back up again. Yeah, of course yeah, absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly (50:56)
Some trigger, right? Exactly. And that but then

again, you know, you'll go through that moment and you'll learn from that moment and you'll evolve from that moment. And and I think we're luckier because we are evolving in that way to your very early point of finding this new version of Carly in twenty twenty six.

Carly Otte (51:14)
Yeah. I and I think a big gift that this has all given me is to just try more new things, to challenge myself more, to live with even a little bit less. Yeah, that fear that that, you know, fear of being judged or fear of the unknown, the uncertainty, and just you know, I mean I I I'm very much a silver linings person. I try to be. I think I almost can't even help it, but I

You know, I came to I live in Philly, and I came here for my treatment in 2023. This is not where we were living. but they had a special kind of treatment that I wanted to get, and we moved here for the summer to do treatment. And I had to be at the hospital every day, which is kind of a bummer of a summer. And and I I talked to my partner and I said, I don't want to look back at this summer and just picture hospitals. So

As much as I feel like any day I have the energy for it, I want to try and do fun things. And so we would leave the hospital. I was usually there in like kind of the later afternoon. And then we'd leave the hospital and we'd go try a new restaurant, go to a museum, walk around a neighborhood. We tried to like go do things just because I was like, I want to imprint some positivity in this in this time as well. And then as a result, at the end of the summer,

I said, I think we should move here. Like that, I think this is the place we've been looking for. We knew we wanted to move, but we didn't know where. I think this is it. You know, and now I look back at that and I think, I never would have found I would I would not be living in Philly if I had not been diagnosed with cancer. Right. Like there's just certain things in your life where you think that would not have happened if that bad if that bad thing hadn't happened, this good thing wouldn't have happened. and I try to just remind.

There's that what's that like philosophy quote where you know it's like you live life forward, but it can only be understood backwards. And I think I think about that a lot in those moments where it's like at the time you don't know where it's going, but then I try and reflect in my reflective year of twenty twenty six. I try and reflect back and think, yeah, these these very big things would be different. And I have to be grateful for them. I have to find that silver lining.

Matt Gilhooly (53:26)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I think reflection is a gift or the ability to truly reflect. I think some people reflect with rose colored glasses, which I think if we reflect truly and and you know, we're pulling out the good things from it, but also acknowledging if there were things that were not so good. But, you know, we made it through and I think that's a skill that we we all should hone and you know, make a little better.

Carly Otte (53:54)
Yeah, absolutely. yeah. And I'm just I'm very grateful for the life that I'm trying to build now. I'm doing my best, you know, to just live a life with more joy. I love, I teach improv. That brings me so much joy. I I I filmed the year in twenty twenty four at my first acting job back after

Matt Gilhooly (54:17)
Nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. It's on Amazon?

Carly Otte (54:18)
All of all of everything we just talked about was my first lead role in a feature film.

it's got yeah, it's called The Conspiracists, it's on Amazon Prime. and and I remember having all of these moments on set. Because I was just every day, I was just so grateful and so full of joy. I was having just such an amazing time being there and so grateful to be there. And every day, at least once a day, I'd look up and just think, I'm so glad I didn't.

quit. I'm so, I'm so glad I didn't give up acting because I love it so much. And and I think too, right? My cancer diagnosis, as horrible as it was, was the a big thing that really helped spring me back into my love of of performing of acting. And who knows, maybe something else would have done it too. But you know, I just I kept thinking like I'm just so grateful for even that part of my journey because I think it led led me here, led me to Philly, which led me to finding

which led me to this job, which led me to like knowing I wanted to keep pursuing it. Right. Just it's like this chain of events of things and

Matt Gilhooly (55:23)
Do you have that

do you still have that thing in your stomach? Is it back? Yeah.

Carly Otte (55:27)
I think it's back. Yeah.

And I think it's it's back, but it's different. Like I think that it used to be this sense of like, I know I'll make it someday. And now I think it's it's just I know I'm gonna keep doing it always. And make making it is again this like self-made thing. Like it what does that mean? Right. Like, we all whatever we want it to mean. Yeah. So it's it's I think now it's just like I know it's all I know I'm always gonna do this. And I do other I do other things too.

Matt Gilhooly (55:31)
Okay.

Yeah. It's not about making it.

Whatever you want it to me.

I think that's beautiful.

Carly Otte (55:56)
Do other things that I love, but this will always be there too. And I I I yeah, I hold on to that.

Matt Gilhooly (55:59)
It's amazing.

I love it. I mean, you've embraced the hard parts and y it they've kind of sprung you into this newer perspective, if you will, and and back to your younger joys and all the things that you're doing. So I think it's beautiful. I think more people should find you and watch what you're doing and see all those things. So curious if someone's listening to the story, whether they've had a cancer diagnosis or gone through something similar, maybe they're

been in the industry and they have similar feelings and they want to just reach out and tell you their story. Like what's the best way to find you, get in your space, not literally, but like find you and send you a message or connect with you.

Carly Otte (56:43)
Yeah, please do. you can find me on Instagram at Carly Ott. or if you wanna specifically check out my cancer videos, I'm on TikTok, Carly Ott. I check my DMs there, like I said, every week because I still get messages and I don't want to I know how time sensitive sometimes those messages are and so I don't want to miss them. If you want to talk about acting things, maybe follow me on Instagram. Instagram is more acting and TikTok is more cancer.

Matt Gilhooly (56:59)
Yeah.

Carly Otte (57:06)
And if you want to check out the conspiracists, you can follow them on Instagram as well at con movie and it's on Amazon Prime. and yeah, if you watch it, let me know. I just I love I would love I love to talk about art with people. So even my own or if you have a favorite TV show you're watching, you can message me about that too. I think there's just so much joy in talking about about art. So I always love it.

Matt Gilhooly (57:15)
Yeah.

Creative, creatives, creators, all the things that that come along with it. I think I I just encourage people listening that maybe feel seen by something you said. It might not even be a main part of your story, but you said something that resonated with them. I just always encourage people to get the words out of their head, get the thoughts out of their head and share it with someone else who probably understands. And so I hope you don't mind that I encourage them to do that, but I think it's so important.

Carly Otte (57:53)
No, not at all. Cause I

yeah, I I not at all because I agree. And I know the power in I I think feeling seen is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person to just say, maybe I don't fully understand, but I see you and I hear you and you know, I know I I think back to some of the most meaningful times in my life where others have done that for me and I know how much it means. So if I ever get to do that for someone else, I

I try to. I try to I try to.

Matt Gilhooly (58:24)
it. Well, thank you for sharing your story in this way and letting me pry and ask questions that were thanks. That's the goal of a conversation, right? We should we should all aim to do that. So thank you for just showing up in this way and bringing your energy and your your lightness to this. I it's so needed these days. So so thank you for being you and wanting to be a part of this.

Carly Otte (58:29)
You asked great questions. I feel like I was have I was having new realizations as we talked. This is great. Yeah.

Yeah, thanks Matt. Thanks for doing what you do.

Matt Gilhooly (58:51)
I will continue to do it and I still don't know how to end these things after two hundred and sixty something episodes. So I'm just gonna say I'll be back next week with a brand new episode of the Life Shift Podcast. Thanks again, Carly.

Carly Otte (59:02)
Thanks.