Control: What the NICU Took and What It Gave Back

Matt Gilhooly (00:00)

There's a kind of fear you can manage with the checklist. And then there's the kind that laughs at your checklist and does whatever it wants. Evan lived that when his first daughter was born 11 weeks early, two pounds, six ounces, 70 days in the NICU, the kind of start to parenthood that changes your nervous system. In our conversation, Evan shares how that experience shifted his relationship with control and how a second pregnancy plus a professional gut punch

became the line in the sand that pushed him towards entrepreneurship. We talk about letting go, showing up, and what it looks like to build a life that actually feels like yours.

Evan Boyer (00:38)

they rush her off to the O R. they send me into a room kind of by myself. I'm sitting there waiting for about an hour. just in a room, nothing but me and my phone, no other people. And somebody walks in and hands me a.

Matt Gilhooly (00:48)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (00:52)

has Matt soon says, do you want to meet your daughter? And I'm like, ⁓ is she okay? And she's like, ⁓ yeah, you know, she's, she's here. said, what about my wife? She says, well, we don't know. We're just responsible for the baby.

Matt Gilhooly (01:06)

You're listening to the LifeShift Podcast. I'm your host, Matt Gilhoolie. This show is built around one simple idea, that sometimes a single moment can change how we see everything. Each week, I talk with someone about the moment that shifted their life and how they learned to live differently after it. These are not stories about having it all figured out. They are stories about what it looks like to keep going once the story changes. Thank you for being here. Here's today's story.

Matt Gilhooly (01:37)

Hello everyone, welcome to the LifeShift Podcast. I am here with Evan, hello Evan. Thank you for joining me on this Saturday.

Evan Boyer (01:41)

Hello.

Thank you for having me. It's good to be here.

Matt Gilhooly (01:48)

Well,

in 2026, who is Evan? How do you show up in the world? How do you identify these days?

Evan Boyer (01:55)

I'm the founder and CEO of my own PR firm, Party of One, and that's been consuming a lot of my time lately during the day, and it's certainly going to be a big part of my 2026. I'm also very importantly a father. I've got a four-year-old girl, and we have an eight-month-old now as well, and that's been a

amazing, you know, just amazing period and an amazing part of my story. So, you know, being a father to them is definitely a way that I'm showing up this year and husband to my wife and, you know, and then somebody who I think, as I went out, I actually have it on my desk here, as I went out into the world.

As an entrepreneur, I spent a lot of time thinking about things that will guide me and people call these brand statements or culture statements. We talk a lot about this in PR, right? But a big thing for me is energy. And I want to be somebody who shows up with really strong energy and positive energy and energy that attracts and creates. so that's something that I'm hoping will kind of guide me here in 2026.

Matt Gilhooly (03:08)

Yeah, speaking of that, is that something that comes naturally to you? Or do you have to work on harvesting that energy so that you can project it? Because I think sometimes it's a practice and sometimes it's just like a natural innate.

Evan Boyer (03:10)

Thank

I think it's like any skill, right? You have it to a point and some people have it more than others. I'd like to say that I feel, you know, it was one of the things that I grew up learning is energy and, you know, and how to create that. But you only have it to a point for yourself and then you've got to learn it and train it and nurture it. And so that's.

think what I've been spending a lot of time again, since I've out in the world as a business owner, trying to develop that a little bit more than what I had previously.

Matt Gilhooly (03:54)

Yeah, for me, I think it is, is something that I've also had to work on in a hard way, because I think growing up, that perfectionist trait that came with the fear of losing someone else. And like, I felt like I had to be perfect, or my dad was gonna leave, which he wasn't. But with that came so much performative energy, performative ways of being in the workplace. And, you know, just like feeling like I had to be

this so I could get the next promotion, could get whatever, say the next coolest, smartest thing that someone's ever said. And so now I'm trying to really, what is my actual energy and how can I put that into the world in a way that doesn't feel like I'm performing for a bunch of people. So that's where that question came from.

Evan Boyer (04:43)

Yeah, yeah, that's great.

Matt Gilhooly (04:44)

It's a scary world sometimes, but we gotta, like you said, just try it, right? We just gotta jump in and do it. So I'd love to get into your story and how you got here and got to be this version of you. So why don't you paint the picture of your life leading up to this main pivotal moment that we're gonna talk about today, fully understanding that you've probably had a lot of pivots in your life, as most humans do.

Evan Boyer (04:49)

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Sure. Well, I think, you know, starting out for me, I was an only child growing up and I was always very, self oriented and self focused. And, even, you know, I was, I was an athlete when I was younger and even kind of my trajectory and direction and athletics, ⁓ turned into golf. you see, I've got a scoreboard above me. This is, actually a score that I shot a couple of years ago at a,

Matt Gilhooly (05:17)

Hmm.

Evan Boyer (05:34)

at a local golf course and I have the course record, is super cool. it's that part of myself was really focused on me and improving me. And it's helped me in a lot of ways, especially in corporate America, where that's a big priority. But it also, I think, held me back from

giving to others in the way that I needed to. you know, so one of the first things I think that started to change that for me was certainly meeting my wife. When I was, we met in college, we were, you know, early twenties and stayed together now in our mid thirties and we'll be married for, for 10 years year. So she's changed me in a lot of ways. And so have our kids who I've already mentioned. My eldest daughter was born.

she just turned four. So she's born at the end of 2021 on Christmas actually. And, my wife was 29 weeks pregnant and, we're, sitting on the couch opening stockings, on Christmas and she hands me her drink and runs off to the restroom. And, an hour later we're sitting in the hospital room and she's strapped up to a heart rate monitor and we're, you know,

praying that our, our baby girl is okay. they in the, maybe like, I don't know, couple hours after we were sitting on the couch, they rush her off to, they, they put her under and they rush her off to the O R. they send me into a room kind of by myself. I'm sitting there waiting for about an hour. just in a room, nothing but me and my phone, no other people. And somebody walks in and hands me a.

Matt Gilhooly (07:10)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (07:15)

has Matt soon says, do you want to meet your daughter? And I'm like, ⁓ is she okay? And she's like, ⁓ yeah, you know, she's, she's here. said, what about my wife? She says, well, we don't know. We're just responsible for the baby.

Matt Gilhooly (07:27)

Mm, that's a great response. Yeah, because you had, for an hour, you had already probably been stressing about both your wife and your daughter. Mm hmm. Because that's what we do.

Evan Boyer (07:29)

Yeah, yeah, great, great response. I'm in the hazmat.

Sure. All the worst case scenarios. Yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely. ⁓ is this, you know, am I going to remember this this way on every Christmas from here on out?

Matt Gilhooly (07:47)

Yeah.

Curious before you jump further in the story, as an only child, someone that was kind of living life for yourself, if you will, or doing the things that served you, was there any part of you that felt really like, sorry if this is putting feelings in that you didn't have, but like felt helpless that you couldn't solve, that you couldn't fix, because maybe you were able to do all the things before?

Evan Boyer (07:57)

Mm-hmm.

No.

for sure. And I think one of the things that, it's a constant battle for me and something that changed through this experience and then subsequent ones and both personal and professional life is very strong desire to have control. Right. And, needing to be able to let go of that in some ways and just accept that like, I, I'm not able to control everything. I can't control this outcome in the, in the NICU with my daughter, who

Matt Gilhooly (08:28)

Mm-hmm.

Evan Boyer (08:42)

I, you know, who I put on the hazmat suit and I met and, ⁓ you know, and, and was there for 70 days and every day of that in the NICU was like, ⁓ yeah, I can't, can't control that. So that was the, in that particular situation. Yeah. A hundred percent. Very, very tough. to try to separate.

Matt Gilhooly (08:52)

It's like helpless, yeah, in a way.

especially for someone that has had that, like, I can do it all. Not I can do it all, but like, I've solved these things for myself before and I've created this life in my own doing. You know, now I can't. Now I just have to be here and hope and trust in all the other things that come along with being in a NICU for over two months, two and a half months. Yeah, because she was 11 weeks early. that what the...

Evan Boyer (09:17)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. Two and a half months. Yeah. 11 weeks early.

Yeah. Two pounds, six ounces. and the first, so I'm in the hazmat suit and walking down the hallway and they opened these big like double doors to the, um, operating, room or the room where they had my daughter and my wife was in a different room. So I didn't see her until hours later. and the doctor.

comes over to me and says, the first thing I heard about my daughter, she gave us quite a scare. We had to intubate and do chest compressions. And then I walk over to her and there are no less than six doctors standing around her and she's on a hand respirator. and you know, I, what do you, what do you do with, ⁓ you know, I can't pick her up. I can't.

Matt Gilhooly (10:13)

Right.

Evan Boyer (10:14)

You know, I can't look at my wife and say, ⁓ isn't this so great? Like, look at our daughter. It's just like, you know, shock and shock and all. and so, you know, I was in there for a couple of minutes. I, you know, I took some pictures, which I look back on now and my daughter is, is a perfectly healthy four year old. You would never know that any, that she went through any of this stuff, which is, which is really incredible. And so is my wife, my wife's, my wife's doing great. but it.

Matt Gilhooly (10:19)

Hmm.

Great, Yeah, I

think of that moment though too, just as an aside. I don't know if you do, I would imagine a lot of women have this feeling of like when they're gonna meet their child and I don't know if you had this like picture in your head of like what that was gonna be like and this is like the antithesis of that where you can't hold, you can't really.

do much besides hear all these doctors and see all these doctors and see your daughter on machines and all these things that come along with it. Did that, did you have those, that breakdown of those kind of, these moments were supposed to be different?

Evan Boyer (11:18)

⁓ yeah. I'm, mean, whole thing is so Hollywoodized. And I know that's a experience that a lot of people have in, in real life, but it's like, you know, they just cut from, you know, wheeling the mom in to the next second she's holding her baby and everybody's smiling and the family's all there. And, know, I'm calling up her. were earlier that day, our families are local. we were with.

Matt Gilhooly (11:24)

Mmm. Fair.

Evan Boyer (11:44)

her parents in the morning and then my folks in the middle of the day, which ended up at the hospital. And, you know, instead of like, you know, Hey, come over and meet your granddaughter was like, think they're going to roll alley back out of the O R around 9 PM. And the, know, they close at around that time. So get here early. Like if you want to, want to see her on the day that she had your, your first grandchild and,

Matt Gilhooly (12:09)

Right.

Evan Boyer (12:12)

just very different than how you would imagine that that is scripted.

Matt Gilhooly (12:13)

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But at that moment you felt, did you feel like now your care about yourself is far less important because now you have to kind of worry for this child and your wife?

Evan Boyer (12:33)

Yeah, I think,

yeah. And I think the next 70 days of going there every day and, going through the ups and downs and watching the heartbeat monitor and seeing if she could, you know, breathe and eat at the same time as an example, or, things like that were just very, very humbling. And it definitely changed my perspective on, you know, my

Matt Gilhooly (12:46)

Yes.

Evan Boyer (12:57)

personal importance relative to other people who I care about and love in my life.

Matt Gilhooly (13:03)

Yeah, and we were talking earlier that this is more like a start of the trajectory of the direction and not maybe it's a life shift for sure. But do you see that as your most pivotal or more of a start?

Evan Boyer (13:10)

Right.

Mm-hmm.

So I think,

I think the moment for me was actually when my wife found out that she was pregnant again. so we had our, our second daughter this past May. So she's eight months old now, but when she found out it was, you know, over a year ago last fall. And I think that moment of, you know, Hey, we just went through this very traumatic experience with our, with our eldest. And, are we.

Are we going to do this so having that fear and then some things that, and feeling like that was not in my control, right. And then having some things happen in my, in my professional life. like I mentioned, you know, always been very, you know, as an only child and self motivated and self focused and professionally driven, and I can play the corporate America game. And I get that. I had a,

hit a moment in my career about that time also where I thought I was on one trajectory. And then it turned out that somebody said, well, you know, we don't really feel like you're a fit for this trajectory that you're seeing for yourself. And we're going to kind of, you know, I didn't get fired or anything, but it was definitely a professional shift. yeah, definitely. you know, you can call it a side swiping if you like, but yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (14:20)

Mm.

professional slap in the face in a way.

Mm-hmm.

Evan Boyer (14:34)

So those two events are colliding, right? Or it's personally, I've got this new life that I'm hopeful will work out in a different way, at least in the start, than my eldest child and then professionally feeling a little bit stalled and frustrated. so it creates existential question, right? What do you want your life to be? What do you want your life to look like?

And I think in that moment, I realized that I really only have so much time to do meaningful work and be around people that I love and feel again, like control, right? Cause that's kind of who I am, but just control of my own destiny that I'm not just giving that up to somebody else. And, and then being an example for my kids down the road where they can, they can say, you know, dad, you know, modeled.

courage and self-determination and things that I can hopefully instill in them to a degree. I think that that's, had a really strong desire for that, especially considering how close I came to losing my, my eldest. That it wasn't enough for me to just say like, ⁓ you know, I'm just going to putter through life. more of like, Hey, it's time to change. And, but I felt like ignoring that would be.

maybe even more risky than not.

Matt Gilhooly (15:54)

Yeah. Would you say that that your controlled climb in the corporate world, would you say that any of that was scary?

I asked that because it sounds like, you know, this experience with your eldest daughter was, was a scary moment. And I think with the controlled climb up a corporate ladder, we kind of can see what the guardrails are, right? Like we can take the next step and not be too afraid, but now you're like leaning into it because you've experienced it.

Evan Boyer (16:24)

Yeah.

I don't feel like that, that part of it was, was super scary. but I do feel like maybe some of the connection there between personal and professional for me was like, if I can deal with this level of stress and chaos and uncertainty with, you know, in my family life, then, you know, maybe I can handle it.

Matt Gilhooly (16:49)

Hmm.

Evan Boyer (16:54)

in an area where I may not have been looking for it before.

Matt Gilhooly (16:59)

Yeah,

I mean, it's a big risk. And that's kind of why I asked like, if you're considering maybe this route that I always planned on taking is not something for me, and I can chart a new path for me, someone like me, that's scary. Like that feels like it's, it's, it's a big risk and not something that I think I would be willing to take unless I've experienced something that was that was that scary and worked out.

Evan Boyer (17:28)

Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that. give yourself a little bit credit.

Matt Gilhooly (17:30)

because I'm a chicken, apparently. Yeah.

Well, no, I mean, I just for so long, it took forever for me to realize like, as I'm climbing this corporate ladder, like, yeah, it was, it was good to get those check marks and to move to the next step. But none of it was like, risky for me, the way I was doing it yet still getting promoted, like I wasn't taking a big risk. It was, whereas, you know, then then in your personal life, or in my personal life,

you when my grandmother died and I kind of faced her end and did it in a way that was so different than losing my mom, ⁓ that really gave me the perspective of like, like I leaned into the goodbye, I leaned into the hard things. And because I did that, I knew that in the professional world, I could try things and if it didn't work, it didn't work, like it wasn't gonna kill me. And so that's kind of where that question came from is if, if, if, if experiencing that with your daughter made

things different for you in the professional sense.

Evan Boyer (18:32)

think it definitely helped create some mental and emotional space for me to go after what I actually wanted to build, knowing that I could deal with the, like I said, the uncertainty and the chaos of this particular situation. mean, in the, so she found out she was pregnant in October and I think between October and May or September and May, whatever that cycle is.

Matt Gilhooly (18:46)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (19:00)

You know, I definitely had trouble detaching from my corporate identity because I was still in my job. And it was like, I'm thinking about this other thing, but it is scary and it is risky. And I don't know how it's going to work but I think when she was born and that our second daughter, that was a very much a, okay, I'm going to do this. Like all systems go on this thing.

Matt Gilhooly (19:05)

Right.

Hmm.

Evan Boyer (19:27)

that in a way that I maybe didn't even anticipate and, and her birth was very smooth. thankfully, and I definitely, I think if we had had to go through another long NICU situation, I would have been like, maybe this is maybe all the risk is over here on the, the chaos is going to be over here on the personal side. But I think just having that go smoothly, like I said, helped me create some space for like, okay, I can go after this now.

Matt Gilhooly (19:54)

Yeah.

As a guy, I think it's important to talk about like your your mental health and whatnot. And I know finding out that your wife was pregnant for the second time or for your second child. And there's like probably some innate fear in that like you mentioned, did you how did you take care of yourself and not go off the deep end and worry? Or did you like what was that like inside Evan's head? What was that like for that pregnancy?

Evan Boyer (20:23)

Well, they had told her after the first one that because of the way that, the first pregnancy was that she was going to really were going to do plan C section at 37 weeks and things like that. So having a little bit of certainty, like this is, this is the date and we just have to kind of plot along week by week and get to the date. think that.

Matt Gilhooly (20:39)

Okay.

Evan Boyer (20:48)

period in between, think was, I mean, we also had a two year old, three year old at home. So absorbed by that absorbed by, thoughts about what is this, what is this going to mean for me professionally, or can I do something different professionally? and then, you know, and then certainly to the point about like not being as self.

Matt Gilhooly (20:58)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (21:14)

centered, self-focused as I was earlier in my life. that it was more about like, how is, how is my wife doing and what does she need for me? Cause I know she's probably, I mean, we talked about like, she's probably feeling all the same things. So, you know, just, just, it just.

Matt Gilhooly (21:14)

Hmm.

Evan Boyer (21:35)

having a lot of conversations with her about that and with other people in my family too, who could kind of see like, ⁓ you know, you've been through a really traumatic experience with your, your first kid and, sure you're thinking some things. So just having like people there for me, think helped a lot too. So I didn't, you know, even if I had wanted to, wasn't, just isolated or in my own head about the whole thing for months and months.

Matt Gilhooly (21:59)

Yeah,

well that's good. What do you think about, why do you think that moment, like what about that particular moment of finding out changed you? Like what do you think changed in that moment for you?

Evan Boyer (22:15)

I mean.

It's difficult to articulate all the things because it's so complex, I think.

Matt Gilhooly (22:24)

Yeah. Yep.

Evan Boyer (22:30)

I think maybe having a little bit more.

determination to make a change.

Matt Gilhooly (22:39)

So was more personal, like on the professional side of this moment was kind of that.

Evan Boyer (22:44)

Yeah.

you know, not, not being so, so tightly wrapped up in like, this is the way things are now and they're okay. And I kind of have to protect it. It's like, things are changing all the time. I had no idea what was going to happen with my first daughter. Now we have a second one coming on. And for me to pretend like I can control or protect the situation, it doesn't make any sense. So why not?

Matt Gilhooly (22:56)

Hmm.

Evan Boyer (23:09)

throw something else into the mix and try to move my life in a direction that I think would be better, would serve everybody, especially my loved ones in a different way and hopefully in a better way.

Matt Gilhooly (23:21)

Yeah, and I think if you start to figure out the cup that you want to fill for yourself as well, I think that just makes us better humans for the people around us too, because you're kind of leaning into not to say that you didn't like your corporate life. But like if you find the thing, and you find the thing that like really lights you up, I think that affects all the people around us more so than we maybe want to admit.

Evan Boyer (23:32)

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (23:48)

So as you're going through this pregnancy, you're still working corporate? Okay, so you're still just like, thinking about it? Was this like an active plan or was it still like just a seed in your brain?

Evan Boyer (23:53)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I mean, I wasn't doing much. I did maybe like a side project or two for a couple hundred bucks, but it wasn't like I'm running a huge thriving side business. And even, you know, when I decided to, to leave my job a couple, a couple months after my, my daughter was born, I didn't have anything. And I think that that's when you and I started talking, maybe over the, the late summer, early fall.

it was just like, I am and I'm going to try to do this thing. And I feel like it's an important part of my life, but I didn't have, like, it wasn't taking clients with me, to come do this and have a bunch of business lined up. yeah, I'm. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. No, I think anybody who projects that, I mean, you talked about, you know, projecting or putting on, I think that's that sort of.

Matt Gilhooly (24:40)

Were you scared? Okay. So you're human. That's good. You weren't like, I got this. Let's go.

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (24:57)

attitude is totally put on.

Matt Gilhooly (24:59)

Was there anything that happened in that three months after your second child was born that triggered you to be like, okay, it's time. What made it time for you?

Evan Boyer (25:09)

Well, I think when she was born, it was kind of like, I'm going to do this. and I had a, you know, I had an end date on it and we got to the end date and was, was time to go.

Matt Gilhooly (25:10)

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, so what was day one like?

Evan Boyer (25:22)

slow.

Matt Gilhooly (25:24)

Yeah. Did you have any

crap moments? what did I just do? Okay.

Evan Boyer (25:29)

Yeah.

Yeah. I think calling my manager and hanging up the phone with her and being like, okay, can't go back on that one. That was like, I definitely had a, know, and this is after months and months of thinking about it and trying to plan and prognosticate. And then I make that phone call and it's like, okay, this is real now. And I definitely had a, after at least an afternoon of.

Matt Gilhooly (25:40)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (25:58)

shit, what did I just do here?

Matt Gilhooly (25:59)

Yeah, yeah.

I have two kids at home. I need to figure this out. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of pressure that comes with that as well. Did you feel that pressure or was it like, this is just gonna work? I know it's gonna work because I know what I'm doing.

Evan Boyer (26:03)

Uh-huh.

Definitely not the latter. Certainly there's the hope that it's going to happen like that, but it was a lot of like, okay, I've got X months of money saved up to do this and give it a try. And day one was very slow and day two was very slow and probably the first two weeks. And then I got a really solid client

kind of changed the game for me. And then a couple months later, I had nine clients at one point. And so it really, pleased to say it really has taken off, but the beginning was not, I was not anticipating any of that. and so I, I tell that to people who ask me quite frequently, like, it seems to be going really well. You know, was this what you were envisioning the whole time? It's like, yeah, I mean, kinda, but, also not, you don't know what's on the other side of the door until you.

Matt Gilhooly (26:48)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (27:02)

actually step through it. So there's definitely a lot of fear and some feeling like I had made a mistake. I think that's dissipated to a point six months in.

Matt Gilhooly (27:03)

Right.

What's your level of control with what comes next? Are you looser or do you have like a definite plan or moving through it?

Evan Boyer (27:23)

I'm working on that, you know, as a sole proprietor, you always have a level of control, but I think it's kind of been, a paradoxical in a, in a sense where I feel like I do better when I give up feeling like I'm in control. I, I, yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (27:43)

new opportunities, things like that can pop

out of anywhere.

Evan Boyer (27:47)

Yeah, and just being open to them. I think energetically, that's a big part of what I've been trying to do over the last several months is I can control what I can control, but then beyond that, just be open to new possibilities and new opportunities and new people. And we talked about expanding our circle and our network of people and having support in ways that you didn't expect. And those things have definitely

happened for me, I think in large part because I was willing to step out on the ledge.

Matt Gilhooly (28:20)

Yeah. Do you think you would have been willing to step out on the ledge or take a change if like that first pregnancy went to 40 weeks and or 37 weeks or whatever is the healthiest? I think it's 37, right?

Evan Boyer (28:32)

Yeah, full term is 40, but but the answer is no. Yeah, the answer is no.

Matt Gilhooly (28:36)

Okay. Because life

would have just been unfolding in the expected type of way.

Evan Boyer (28:42)

Sure.

Yeah. And it would have been so easy to continue to like, okay, this is going to plan and have the baby and we have the house and have the corporate job. And I'm continuing to kind of stay, like you said, in between these guard rails and, and move up and there's not a lot of risk involved there and that's fine. And this is just, you know, who I am and who we are. And so I think it changed me.

Matt Gilhooly (28:54)

Right.

Evan Boyer (29:08)

hugely and then the exclamation point obviously was having the finding out that we were going to have the second one.

Matt Gilhooly (29:14)

Right. Just a reminder that you most of this is not in our control. And so we have to kind of go along for the ride. We can, you know, we can take care of some of it. I was very much someone that was a checklist kind of person growing up. And it sounds like you were that way until life got a little shaken up if like, you do the things you're supposed to do, you know, you do well in school, and then you get a good job, and then you buy a house, and then you get married, and then you have kids. And then it's just the next check is supposed to bring you to

Evan Boyer (29:30)

Mm-hmm.

Matt Gilhooly (29:44)

whatever destiny, whatever that is. And so many of us grew up with that mentality. And it sounds like this moment in the hospital was like, we're going to rip this checklist up and you're going to follow a new one. You're going to create your own. Do you feel like you're creating your own now?

Evan Boyer (29:47)

Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, complete.

one of the things that I like about my job and always have in this industry is that every day is different. So that variety and the unpredictability definitely is something that I enjoy despite also being a checklist person. But now the checklist

You know, and thinking about things that I can do as the owner of my business and the person who's creating the direction for it and, and my clients in terms of certainly driving value for my clients, but also creating something for my, my family and the people that I care about in a way that I would not have been able to at least have that level of direction over it before.

That is a different checklist.

Matt Gilhooly (30:55)

Yeah. What part of this part of your journey do you think makes you a better father than you maybe would have been in the previous version of you?

Or maybe not, maybe you feel the same.

Evan Boyer (31:07)

There's

no, I definitely don't feel the same. know, I last six months, I've definitely worked more hours, than I ever have before in my life. And I think that that helps me, when I'm, when I'm with my kids or when I'm about to be with my kids, like thinking about how can I make the most out of this time?

Matt Gilhooly (31:29)

Mm.

Evan Boyer (31:30)

I don't do it perfect all the time. Like there are still times where I'm like, you know, my kids are around and I'm sitting there scrolling on my phone, but then they snap out of it. like, Hey, what are you doing? but I definitely feel like I have, there's less, I think because there's less predictability and, those, those guardrails and things in, in life that it's made me more aware of, you know, the time that I

I'm spending with other people that I want that to be really quality.

Matt Gilhooly (32:01)

Yeah, no, I think that's beautiful. And should we we should all be able to put that intentional focus towards whoever we love in our lives and the people around us. Here's a very weird question that just randomly popped into my head. Do you think time is faster or slower now?

Evan Boyer (32:14)

Sure.

Matt Gilhooly (32:22)

for you, the perception of time.

Evan Boyer (32:23)

That's great question.

Faster.

Yeah. It's a, it's a really, that's a really interesting question. I think one of the things that has changed about even daily routines, you know, I was never somebody who liked to get up early in the morning or, know, I, I meditate now for a little in the, in the morning. Um, but like, you know, when I, when I get my alarm goes off at five and I'm

Matt Gilhooly (32:44)

Mm.

Good for you, that's hard.

Evan Boyer (32:58)

feel like I'm shot out of a cannon, like I'm very directed to go do this. And it's, you know, it's for reasons that are beyond just like me and my, you know, my feelings of my desire for, control or whatever that is, it's much more about, it's much more about my family and, you know, and, and doing those sorts of things for the people that I love.

Matt Gilhooly (33:13)

Right.

and you would equate time going faster as a good thing in your perspective, your current version of you.

Evan Boyer (33:36)

I'd like for it to slow down a little bit, but there's these days are, they're so full, between trying to run a business and taking care of small kids and making time for my relationship with my wife and my relationship with other people. I've definitely like, my, some of my health routines have probably taken a backseat in the last couple of months, but I'm,

Matt Gilhooly (33:38)

Yeah.

Right?

Evan Boyer (34:00)

very conscious of that. Like it's not something that I am hoping to continue for a long time. So I would like to get to a place where certainly it feels a little bit more balanced than it has over the last several months. And I think it's getting there. And I think the focus on energy, having the energy to create that space is going to be hopefully really helpful this year.

Matt Gilhooly (34:01)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

For me, life started changing a lot more when I acquired a stronger sense of like self-awareness. Do you have a similar feel? It sounds like you're very aware now. Were you always this self-aware or is it? Okay.

Evan Boyer (34:42)

No.

Yeah. I think that that's a pretty common trait though. People who are a little bit more self-focused is that you lose a little bit of that awareness. then as you, for me anyway, as evolved a bit and become a different person over the course of time, I definitely think that that's one of the key things that's changed is my level of self-awareness.

Matt Gilhooly (35:06)

Do you think the people around you see you as different now?

Evan Boyer (35:11)

I hope so.

Matt Gilhooly (35:12)

Yeah. Does your relationship like to do relationships change for you like friendships, your relationship with your wife in this version because like you met her and you were a different version of Evan, if you will, and now you're more evolved. Do feel that that all those other things kind of evolve with it? Or have you lost relationships because of it?

Evan Boyer (35:25)

Mm-hmm.

I've definitely lost some relationships. think my relationship with my wife unique because we're partners in life and we've been together for a long time and we've seen each other through a number of different seasons coming up on 15 years.

Matt Gilhooly (35:51)

really hard times and helped each other through those times.

Evan Boyer (35:54)

Yeah,

mean having our first baby as an example.

Matt Gilhooly (35:58)

Exactly. Yeah,

yeah, I asked that because sometimes you kind of alluded to it very early in our conversation of how like when you started being an entrepreneur, or you started venturing in your own lane, some people weren't as supportive or in that way. And I find that the more I'm in tune with like what works for me, the more some of those like outer ring relationships kind of

dissipate and aren't as important to me. And clearly they weren't as important to those people at the time. But the previous version of me was very attached to making sure that all the strings were always connected to those outer bands as well. Because I was so afraid of like someone not liking me or leaving that friendship relationship, whatever it may be. So that's kind where that question came from.

Evan Boyer (36:33)

you

Yeah, I hadn't pictured it like that. like the rings and the outer bands, but I think that's definitely true. Where the relationships that, that matter that I've had previously have gotten deeper. lot of them, the ones that don't matter as much have kind of fallen by the wayside and then also create space for some new ones as well, which I'm, I'm deeply appreciative of some of the people that I've met in the last year.

Matt Gilhooly (37:06)

Yeah.

Evan Boyer (37:21)

incredible and, you know, and I never would have met those people had I not gone down this road and I never would have gone down this road had some of the things, you know, with my, my kids being born had had those things not happened. So it's really like looking back on it. It's really interesting to see how relationships have unfolded or fallen off or whatever, because of other things that have happened in my life.

Matt Gilhooly (37:45)

Yeah,

I would imagine too the the empathy for other parents going through pregnancies and childbirth and those things has probably expanded immensely compared to the previous version of you of all the things that you experience and really understanding that what another father is feeling like or what another mother is going through and how you can all support each other. Yeah.

Evan Boyer (38:06)

Sure. Yeah,

I think the, the NICU community or the, you know, the preemie parent community is really tight. And I, I remember, I probably should have, I should probably should have marked this down earlier, but I remember the morning after my first daughter was born. I am, I left my wife in the

in the room where she was sleeping and I went off into like corner of hospital and I like, I just cried for like half an hour. It was just such a stressful situation. And then the next thing that I did was I got on my phone and I looked for like support communities for, for preemie parents. And I found, I think it's called Graham's Foundation that does this. And so I send them, I fill out a form and send them an email and then they connect me with.

someone who had you know, a son, equally premature, like maybe a year prior, and, you know, became very close to him and then other people in that community. And so that was when we talk about like expanding relationships and deepening ones that matter, that would be another example of ways that that's happened for me.

Matt Gilhooly (39:14)

Yeah.

Yeah, that's, mean, good for you as especially I hate to stereotype, but especially as a guy to seek support and help when you feel helpless. I think that's very commendable and I'm glad you did that. I'm sure that was a lifeline for you and probably for your wife.

Evan Boyer (39:31)

yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. A thousand percent. cause you know, prior to that, I mean, in the, however many hours prior to that, it's like, you know, I'm very close with my dad. I can't talk to my dad about that. He has no idea, what that's like. And, and really then thinking about it, like, okay, people that I'm maybe less close to than my dad, they don't know either. So who am I going to talk to about this? Or am I just going to, you know, try to, to

bury it inside and be strong and deal with it. didn't want to do that.

Matt Gilhooly (40:04)

Yeah, I kind of think of this is not as important as what you did. But the life shift to me is kind of like an asynchronous version of kind of like a support group by way of people like you telling their story. There are people listening that are going through something similar alone. And now they hear other people's stories and maybe find a little hope or they find that they're not the only person going through it and

There's something about community and realizing how much we all have in common versus what, you know, sometimes we get focused on the things that separate us. So, yeah, I think community is so important and finding the people that you can relate to or understand something that you're feeling or the way that you're going through something. So I'm really glad to hear that you did that because I'm sure that was just such a benefit for you.

Evan Boyer (41:01)

Yeah, yeah, it really was. Thank you. ⁓ Just, yeah, just knowing that you have something to lean on or somebody to, and my, person that connected me with his name is Brendan. And he was, you know, he texted me back, like I think same day after I filled out the form and just said, you know, I know you're going to be up at.

Matt Gilhooly (41:03)

doesn't make everything easy, but it sure makes it easier.

Evan Boyer (41:27)

crazy hours and thinking really weird thoughts. And when those times happen, just send me text. Like I've got a small kid, I'm probably going to be up anyway, sort of thing. that being, having that sort of, that sort of person available to me was just extremely helpful rather than thinking like, ⁓ how am going to figure this out? And doom scrolling the internet also would not recommend, cause it's

Matt Gilhooly (41:33)

Yeah, that's great.

Yeah.

Bye.

Evan Boyer (41:52)

Just like, think that's one of the things that kind sent me to tears was all of the horror stories out there and, mm-mm, no.

Matt Gilhooly (41:56)

Yeah.

Yeah, you're never finding the good stories right at the top of the list. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, because we don't like it is it is as a human race, we kind of tend to write more and talk more about the bad things. And we don't take the time to stop and write about the good things. So naturally, we're going to find all the horror stories and things people looking for answers. I as you were telling that story in the time period. This is not a political question. This is

A lot of people that I've talked to, lot of their moments of change happened during the pandemic when people were more isolated and not, you know, out and about as we were pre pandemic. Did any of, do you think any of that affected the way that you tuned into yourself and connected with yourself more to make these decisions or would have happened either way if you were locked up or not, not locked up.

Evan Boyer (42:52)

That's a really interesting question.

Yeah, I think that's probably fair. and, part of it too was, you know, after our first one was born and we're going to the NICU every day, this is late 21, early 2022, we're going in there with masks on and, and all this stuff. So, you know, in the moments where like, and, and even my, my, mentor who had had his son.

Matt Gilhooly (43:08)

Hmm. Yeah.

Evan Boyer (43:21)

In a year earlier, so that would have been summer of 2020 and he was even worse. He, mean, he said, like, I couldn't go in me and my wife and I couldn't go in and see our baby at the same time. We had to rotate. One of us would go in the other one would sit in the car and then we'd switch. We were really fortunate not to have to do that, but it did give us, and we had a lot of time. we weren't doing much mingling with, you know, other.

Matt Gilhooly (43:26)

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it's a different world.

Evan Boyer (43:45)

parents in the NICU, was like everybody's kind of off in their own little corner by their own baby and dealing with their own stuff. there wasn't even in that environment, there wasn't ⁓ much of a sense of community. So I think what it created probably was a stronger bond between my wife and I, where, you know, we'd be in there together and focused on that. And we'd go home together and we'd be with each other and, you know, be a comfort to each other.

Matt Gilhooly (43:49)

Right.

Evan Boyer (44:14)

So I think that COVID created more of that and it was worse in some ways because we can connect with other people in the way that we would have had that not happened at that time, stronger connection between us.

Matt Gilhooly (44:24)

Right? Yeah.

Yeah, I've also, know, a lot of people that I've talked to, it's like, I think the time, the pop, for a lot of people, horrible experience, right? Lots of people died, lots of loss that happened. But for a lot of people, there was this pause in which, and you probably didn't have this because you had a newborn that was a NICU, but a pause in which we could kind of reevaluate what's important to us. And that includes work and things like, am I doing something that's actually...

like serving me or like, this even worth my time? So that's kind of what I was curious if any of the professional side of you was impacted by that as well, but probably more the personal piece. Yeah. I like to kind of wrap up the conversation. I'm curious if this version of you super tuned in with the energy that you want to put into the world and the people that you want to help and be around.

Evan Boyer (45:09)

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Matt Gilhooly (45:25)

If you could bump into the Evan that was sitting in that waiting room that day all by himself for that hour, is there anything you'd want to tell him? Cause I'm sure he might've want to hear something.

Evan Boyer (45:38)

Well, I think first of all, that everybody's going to be OK. And then.

I don't think I realized the ways in which that event and then subsequent events would change me. like, I'll be honest, there's definitely some resistance to that over the course of time. And growth is hard and change is difficult. I think being able to tell that person that it's okay to change.

this is natural and you're going to be a better person for it rather than trying to resist it or protect against or keep things the way that they are. think knowing that in that moment probably would have been helpful to that version of me.

Matt Gilhooly (46:28)

Yeah, ignoring the fact that it would be just weird in general. Do you think that this, like if you saw that guy, would you recognize him? Like would you see such a wildly different person? Do you think he was quite different than who you are now?

Evan Boyer (46:31)

Yeah

in a lot of ways. Yeah. I think superficially, no, like same haircut. same, same manner of speaking and, you know, a lot of the same views on the world, but I think for, just like I said, even the way that I get up in the morning now is, is different in the way that I try to, yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (46:52)

You

Yeah.

He'd probably think you're crazy, right? You're getting up at

five. Tell me again what you're meditating.

Evan Boyer (47:13)

Yeah. And why? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And you, you, you left your job and you didn't have, you didn't have anything out there for you. And you, when you did it, like, what an idiot. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly (47:21)

Yeah. And good for you. Because you did it. Yeah. And here you

are. Proof that like if you believe in yourself and you take the right steps and you just keep grinding and doing the things that serve you and make you a better human, like you get to a place where you're proud of those decisions where you're you're you're living in it. And who knows what will come from it, right? Like, here we are at this point in time, but six months from now, you could be totally different because you

we're open to an opportunity that came about. So I think that's cool and exciting for people like us who maybe early on in our lives, we were kind of like just trying to get that next promotion or show that we were better than before kind of versions. Yeah.

Evan Boyer (48:07)

Yeah. Yeah.

A lot of competition too. Like I said, I grew up playing sports and we've been always been really competitive and, that certainly carried into, yeah, it's still a little bit competitive, but, I can kind of isolate it to, you know, to things like golf and, and then being competitive with myself for sure, but not, not as competitive with, with other people and doing as many comparisons and, ⁓

Matt Gilhooly (48:11)

fair.

Still a little bit because you have that frame behind you, right?

Right. Doing it more

for yourself now, would you say?

Evan Boyer (48:34)

Well, doing it for doing it for people that I love. So maybe not as much for myself as for them. But, you know, also like you talked about having to, you're needing to fill up your cup, right? In order to be able to fill others. And that's, definitely have a different perspective on what that is and what that means than I did before.

Matt Gilhooly (48:39)

Okay.

Hmm.

Yeah, no, that's great. I think it's important to to have these conversations and know that we're ever evolving. And I think sometimes we get stuck thinking like, this is the one way that we have to evolve. And like, there's no other ways. And who knows what tomorrow is going to bring me like you, you don't know, you're gonna get cold weather. But that's, you know, that's about all we know, right. And so

Evan Boyer (49:17)

Yeah, but how much snow? Okay, because six inches, 30 inches, who

knows?

Matt Gilhooly (49:22)

Yeah, I think some places 80 inches, who knows, it's just gonna be snow. Maybe none, might, who knows. no snow. Yeah, exactly. No, think it's important to kind of loosen the grip a little bit so that we are able to take chances and chances on ourselves and make decisions that maybe otherwise we wouldn't have done because it wasn't the quote unquote right thing to do.

Evan Boyer (49:29)

Also very possible here in North Carolina, maybe none.

Matt Gilhooly (49:51)

So I commend you for the decisions that you're making for you and for your family. think it's beautiful that you're talking about it too because I think that's important.

Evan Boyer (50:01)

I appreciate that. Well, I appreciate you giving me the chance to do it too.

Matt Gilhooly (50:05)

of course. Yeah, no, these, I mean, you never, I never know, like, what part of someone's story is going to validate part of mine or make me think differently about one of mine and one of my experiences and how lucky am I to be able to have these conversations with people I otherwise probably never would have bumped into in the world, right? And, and get to learn from other people's experiences. I so grateful for it. So thank you for wanting to do it. I would love to open the door.

Evan Boyer (50:25)

.

Matt Gilhooly (50:35)

for people to share their story with you or reach out to you or something that you said made them think of their own experience. Like, what's the best way to find you or connect with you if you are open to that or learn about the services that you're offering to the world?

Evan Boyer (50:49)

Yeah, I think I'm pretty active on LinkedIn. That's my social network of preference. So LinkedIn, backslash in, backslash Evan Boyer. And then my company is Leaders PR. So leaderspr.com. And you can also email me, Evan at leaderspr.com.

Matt Gilhooly (51:12)

How do you feel if someone reaches out and just said, part of your story really connected with me and thanks for sharing it. Here's part of mine.

Evan Boyer (51:19)

Would love that.

Matt Gilhooly (51:20)

great. I encourage everyone I think there's such power in sharing our story and sometimes people haven't shared it outside their head yet. And I think you get so much power by getting it out and sharing it with someone. So I encourage anyone listening maybe something that Evan said today really connected with you in a strong way. Just send an email and say Matt sent me. I told me to bug you because I think it's really important to make connections with others. So

For that I will say thank you Evan for being a part of this journey and wanting to be a part of the life shift

Evan Boyer (51:47)

I

Thanks, Matt. Thanks for having me.

Matt Gilhooly (51:54)

You got it. And thank you to everyone listening. I never know how to end these things, so I say the same damn thing every time. But thank you for being a part of this journey and listening every single week. And I will be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Evan.

Matt Gilhooly (52:08)

Thank you for listening to the Life Shift Podcast. If you wanna learn more, go to www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.

There you can check out all the different episodes. You can check out the blog, some of the reviews for the podcast and the Life Shift journal. Links are there so you can purchase your own copy, whether in digital or print format. Thanks again.