Brittany Perham had a childhood her friends still call perfect. And underneath it was a father whose drinking nobody in the family talked about. By college, things had gotten scary enough that she stopped answering his calls. The silence lasted almost fifteen years.
In his final year, she got a little bit of him back. One good phone call. A recipe. Then a hospital room at Mass General, where she and her brother had to let him go. And a few weeks later, a surprise: he had changed his will and named her executor of an estate buried in debt. It took almost seven years to close.
In this conversation, Brittany, a poet, teacher, and author of the memoir Executrix, talks about estrangement, guilt, grief, and why the story of her father will always be a story of not knowing.
What we cover:
- Growing up with an alcoholic father in a family that didn't say it out loud
- Choosing to step away at 21
- The phone call she couldn't make
- Taking her father off life support
- Becoming executrix of an indebted estate
- Holding sadness instead of guilt
- What she'd tell her younger self
Connect with Brittany:
Website: http://www.brittanyperham.com
Executrix (University of Georgia Press): https://ugapress.org
Connect with The Life Shift:
Listen and follow: https://www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com/follow/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=video&utm_campaign=description
Newsletter: https://thelifeshiftpodcast.beehiiv.com/
Timestamps:
0:00 Introduction
0:47 Cold open
1:41 Welcome Brittany
2:55 Who is Brittany in 2026
4:13 Teaching Family Stories
5:32 How stories change when we tell them
8:24 Growing up with an alcoholic father
9:46 The fear of not knowing what you'll get
10:47 The perfect childhood nobody saw
12:59 Getting a therapist at 21
13:33 The silence begins
15:05 Estrangement is never quite freedom
18:39 Holding guilt and truth at the same time
20:30 Holding the phone, unable to call
21:43 Reconnecting through her brother's wedding
23:36 The recipe phone call
25:52 Taking him off life support
28:12 The conversation that only happens in your mind
30:44 Turning to memoir
34:48 Named executrix of an indebted estate
38:40 Panic, anxiety, and seven years of paperwork
41:57 What changed in her
45:53 Perfectionism and children of alcoholics
48:47 Any regrets?
49:54 Connecting through not knowing
52:00 Showing up for the living
53:06 What she'd tell her younger self
53:53 Never say yes to being an executor
54:31 Where to find Brittany
Keywords: estrangement, grieving an estranged parent, alcoholic father, children of alcoholics, executor of an estate, complicated grief, memoir, memory, family stories, Executrix
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