Where Are They Now? Marty Klein's Life Shift Story Revisited

Hello my friends.I just wanted to drop some special bonus episodes into the feed that you probably have not heard unless you are a part or an early part of the Patreon for the Life Shift Podcast. If you don't know, I do have a Patreon. It currently only has two tiers.One is a three dollar a month tier just to support what I'm doing, helps cover production costs. And then there's a five dollar tier which will get you episodes early and just the, I guess warm fuzzies for help out with the Life Shift Podcast.But I used to have other tiers where people were so generous and were offering additional money each month to get bonus episodes and possible winnings of T shirts and all sorts of things.And then I realized a couple months ago that I wasn't able to deliver what I wanted to, especially for those of you that were giving me the extra money. So right now we're just kind of doing the early episodes. You'll always get those.So if you want to support the Life Shift podcast, please jump over to patreon.com forward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and you can find that information there. But I come on here because I want to share a series of these bonus episodes that I did early on in the Patreon Journey.There are like 20 plus episodes in which I had bonus recordings with previous guests. So I would go back and we would have a conversation about the experience of sharing their story on the Life Shift Podcast. Catch up on anything.And I think these are super important and I know most of them did not see the light of day from outside of the Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping these episodes. Whatever you're listening to now is another episode. So I'm going to use the same intro for all of them.But here is one of the bonus episodes with a former guest from the Life Shift Podcast. And if you like this, let me know because I'm thinking of bringing some of this back and talking to previous guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that was once released on the Patreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley and this is the Life Shift Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Marty Klein is here.He was episode 8 8. So thank you for being a guinea pig in this bonus episode Journey.

Thanks for having me back.

Now, before I get started on the questions, I just want to let everyone know if you're listening this bonus episode.I really want to create an opportunity to revisit with the guests that I had earlier in the season and kind of ask very similar questions of everyone to just see like, what the experience was like, sharing their story, if they heard anything. So we have some standard questions that we're going to go through.And in this bonus episode, I think it'll be helpful to just remind people of your story and you were around episode eight. I think it was episode eight. And I was super interested in hearing your story when we had that conversation.And I think for both of us, I think it revealed a couple things. So you want to just remind us a snapshot of what your story was that you shared on the life shift?

My life shift was that I lost my mom at age 13 and I talked about how my life was before that as an only child with my mom and dad together raising me, and then the circumstances surrounding her death, which was of cancer. And relatively quickly, within about three months from original diagnosis to her passing.We didn't get too much into the after of that, but we did get to at least discuss how my life has been since then.And since we share that event in common, we compared our stories a little bit, even though they are different in some pretty profound ways that I'm sure we'll talk about today a little bit. But that was mine.

It's funny, I remember a friend of mine was listening and she found our conversation so interesting because we had, like you said, a similar event happen in our lives in very different ways. And the way that our lives changed were was actually quite different from each other.So that being said, after you share the story and after it was done, how did you feel, you know, wrapping the recording?

I didn't feel anything in particular. I just. Other than the fact that I rarely get to talk about that subject in a focused setting for an hour.I don't even remember the last time I really told that story. Beginning to end. But I went about my day afterwards. It wasn't. It didn't make me think so much. I just, I got it all out. We did our thing.

It was.

You were starting up the podcast. I don't even remember if the first episode had come out yet. So I wasn't trying to live up to anything.I guess I didn't really get to think about things more until it came out, until the episode dropped and other people got to hear it.

I mean, that makes sense. We were. I don't think we were launched. I think we had recorded, or I had recorded maybe 10 episodes before we. I launched the podcast.I don't know why I keep saying we, but you were part of that journey and I remember you were saying, well, I don't even know, like, I just want to help you out, Matt. I just want to share my story. I don't really know like what's going to come of it.So when you heard the episode for the first time, was there, like, what'd you think?

Well, first it had been about six weeks, I think, between recording and it coming out. And I remember not knowing if I wanted to share the episode.I wanted to see how I felt I came across and if I, what I left out or what I included that I wished I hadn't said.And I wasn't really committed to telling anyone about it other than helping you launch your podcast and specifically my own family members, because this was a family event in my life. I didn't know. I wanted to be fully honest about the story.But also if I put myself in my dad's shoes or my uncle or aunt's shoes or my cousin's shoes, how would they feel now listening back? And so that's when it came out and I listened back to it. I listened to it especially with an ear for that.And immediately when it was over, I knew I wanted to share it not just with friends and maybe Facebook acquaintances, but with family members. I didn't mind.I didn't care who would hear about it because it was a subject that, not that I don't talk about, but that I'm rarely asked about and therefore don't get to talk about. I think I even said that at the end of my episode of both specifically with my story and many of this.Some of these stories that are on your podcast over time are subjects that other people will shy away from or assume are taboo. When I will mention that my mom passed away when I was younger, I rarely get follow up questions to that.And one thing I wanted people to hear from this is that at least in my case, I don't mind, I don't mind talking about it. In fact, you could say it's a way to keep my mom's memory alive or whatnot.And that's one of the things that came out of sharing the story is the understanding that it's okay to talk about delicate subjects.

I remember at the end of your episode you said I invite more people to ask me about it and share these stories. And I definitely connected with that.I, I am different from you in that way, is that I'm very much will share it without people asking and, and give more Details. And I think part of that comes from my experience compared to your experience after losing our mothers.In my case, I felt very alone, as I was the only person who had ever lost a mother. Nobody around me knew how to support that. And my life was so different the next day.Not saying that yours wasn't, but I moved from one state to another. I had to start at a different school.And in your experience, when I was listening to it, I don't know if jealous is the right word, but the experience of hearing how you had this tragic event in your life, but you were also able to continue things that were comfortable and things that felt normal in other aspects of your life. And so that's really what stood out to me.And the reason that I do this podcast and the reason that I share so much, I think stems from the fact that I felt so alone in that, that I just wanted to be heard.

Yeah. Again, after the episode came out, I really considered more of what it means, what the title means. The Life Shift.I assumed, oh, pick me, I have a great life shift. My mom died at 13. And someone externally can say, absolutely, that must have been a huge life shift for you.After I got done telling the story, beginning, middle, and end, and with some of the context that you just mentioned, again, compared to your own losing of your mom when you were young, there wasn't that much of a shift right away. My life did not completely change. Obviously it did in certain ways, but my routine didn't change.My house didn't change, my school didn't change, My friends didn't change.And I think because of that, I was able to latch on to what was consistent in what had not changed in my life and move on and move forward, using those skills that I had built up to the age of 13 almost to minimize the shift in my life. And I've just understood that to be my story. And I'm very comfortable talking about my story.But it wasn't until really since this episode came out that I've started to think about that more in terms of maybe I'm not. I've buried or have not really unpacked as much. The ways that my life did shift since then.Maybe not that day or the following week or the following, you know, several years continuing at my own school, but how my life really did shift, having lost my mom in ways that I had not really understood. And I think that this show had just kind of reopened that topic for me to really to dive deeper into those areas.

I think sometimes we tend to Also minimize things that, to others would be a very significant shift. So I think it's not fair to use to say, oh, maybe it wasn't quite a life shift. It was. It was a big thing.And it is probably why both of us are the way we are at this point in our lives, because of the things that happened around that maybe, like you said, maybe not the week after, maybe not the day after, but because of that, we are who we are. But I like that it caused you to kind of maybe see if there was more to unpack or at least think about it.And for those of you listening to the episode, Marty is, like, very much my weekly critic, in a good way, because he's so invested in hearing the stories of, like, what life was like, and then what moment changed things and, like, what was that change and how do we react to it?

I think you can learn a lot from somebody in crisis. Now, I understand that not every guest of the Life Shift podcast is talking about a crisis moment or a death or some sort of grief.Sometimes it's something that they're choosing to do to shift their life, and those have been very compelling as well. But maybe because of my story, I learned more or I'm more drawn to.To those stories where the shift happened externally and their attitude or their reaction is tested. What happens next? This is. It's been very. You called me a weekly critic. I listened to every episode, and I. And I love it, but I. I just.I love the ones that have a direct Life Shift, because that's the name of the show. Those are my favorites.

I think there is something to say that having had an uncontrollable shift in our lives, we might naturally be drawn to that and to see how others reacted versus how we reacted or how we were able to use those moments. So I think whether that's conscious or not, I think.I think that it is something that I am also drawn to, not to say that I'm not mesmerized by people that, you know, like my friend Shauna, who opened her mailbox one day and that was, like, done. My life has changed from this moment. Looking at a male, and I'm like, you know what that can happen?I just recorded with someone who a phone call really was the thing. And so you never know.And I think what I like about this show is that I'm able to talk to people about the human experience and whether we've learned from what we've been given and are we grateful for those moments, as tough as they may be, or as positive as they may be. So back to you, though. After you release it, I know you shared it with other people.Did you get any feedback from unexpected people or no feedback from the expected ones?

Yeah, actually, both. Both of those two, actually. I'll start with the second one because I didn't. I didn't really try hard to get everybody to listen.I put it up on Facebook and I shared your story, your Instagram story on my Instagram.And I actually, I got more of the eclectic group that then I heard from a day or two later and said, I just listened to your episode, which was kind of out of the blue, and it opened up a new conversation with someone maybe I didn't have as regular a communication with.But by contrast to that, there are some people whom I thought would be first on it that might want to learn about a different side of me or really get to hear more about something that they knew about. But to my point earlier, didn't really want to ask about or hadn't asked about. And they didn't.Either they didn't listen or they didn't tell me afterwards, which would be more unusual. So that. That did surprise me a bit. But those who did were complimentary, of course. And one even apologized for not asking me more about that topic.And he said, I'm so sorry. I'm one of those people that you mentioned at the end that I knew that you lost your mom, but I didn't know why, actually.And even some who I'm closer to just didn't remember. Oh, I just remembered I heard from a very close friend of mine from. From that time again, I was 13.So this is middle school and we're Facebook friends. Like I said, he saw it on Facebook, he listened to it, he reached out to me. We are not regularly in contact anymore, but that spurred.We were in close contact for the next two weeks. We got on the phone with each other, talked for 90 minutes. Not specifically about this, but he remembered some details that I didn't leave out.I just didn't remember myself. He remembered that I came into school that day for about an hour because he remembered sitting in the administrator's office with me.I said, no, I don't think I did that. He's like, no, no, I was. I was there too, and my mom hadn't just died. So I think I do remember this a little bit.So that rekindled that relationship, so to speak. And it really brought to light, not just in that one example, but he was remembering things from Our childhood that I had no memory of.I had different memories that he had forgotten. We had some memories of the same events that were different.It just goes to show over the years how with the things that stick in our memories and the things that don't. And I was very thankful, I will say, to. To rekindle that relationship from, from back then.

I don't know if you want to talk about it, but I feel like you mentioned that a family member reached out to you, like an aunt or something along those lines, to. To mention some stuff about listening. I don't know if there's any details there, but I feel like there's not.

A lot of detail there. It was a cousin of mine who was traveling with my aunt. My aunt I had actually mentioned in the episode is she was the first.She didn't live in California where this took place. And she and my uncle got on a plane after she passed that morning to come out to see us.And she was the one that immediately I broke down with when she arrived.As a mother herself, as I was relatively close to her, my cousin, her daughter reached out to me, like the day that it came out, the episode that is, and said, oh, my gosh, I'm gonna listen. I'm gonna be on an airplane soon.I'm gonna listen to this on the airplane and I'm gonna share it with my mom, who's not as tech savvy, I don't think, but make sure that she listens to it. And I heard back from my cousin afterwards.And again, even though we're family members, she didn't live in California, didn't have as thorough of a memory. She didn't remember how quick the illness was. She gave me a little bit of feedback, but I. I did not hear directly back from my aunt. I.I have to assume that she didn't end up listening or she forgot, because I think had she, I would have. And maybe I'll follow up with her, but that's not. I don't want to be like, hey, did you listen to my podcast? I mean, I don't.It didn't feel right to keep following up with other people about it. They'll listen if they want to.

Of course. I. I think there's something to be said about sharing our story.I know earlier you mentioned how you weren't sure if you were going to share it because you didn't want other people to feel a certain way. And I, and I get that as well.When I did my episode, I just shared it all and I knew that there was a chance that certain people were going to listen to it. And what came from that for me was I had a really great conversation with my dad afterwards.And to your point about, you know, your classmate remembering things differently, like his memory of those moments are different than mine as well, and it just led to a really nice conversation in which he was like, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you felt certain ways. And. And I was like, that's fine. We were doing the best that we knew how to do. We weren't equipped, not a lot of people are equipped to.To handle this situation. And so, you know, it's always interesting to me when someone close hears one of these more traumatic experience stories and how.And how that connection goes. So that's why I asked you a little bit about that.

In your case, you had a lot of upside down moments during that period at the time.And in my retelling of the story, I don't think anybody would say, I didn't know you were feeling those things at that time, because I really did keep going. I just put cruise control on and kept going. However, now we're recording this right around Thanksgiving.This is one of the examples of how just the retelling of this and thinking about it. In the last few months, this topic has been on my mind, maybe in the background.We're right around Thanksgiving and my family is different from others. I don't have the stereotypical mom in the kitchen, or at least at Thanksgiving, hosting a dozen people.I don't have the kind of family that maybe I wish I did or that, or that others do that I see. You know, all my life I've been. If I can't control it, I just shut it out.And this year in particular, since this episode came out, I've been more likely to allow myself to recognize that my life turned out a little different because of this. I did have a shift, and it's okay to be a little sad or jealous or wonder what my life would have been like otherwise.Whereas I probably in the past 30 years, 25 years, have been more likely to just ignore those types of feelings.

I say that's a win. I think. You know, I think that's. That's a good thing.I think a lot of people don't ask us about our situations because they're uncomfortable with what comes next. Right. And if we are vulnerable after that fact and then we get shut down, we're afraid of that. So I'm proud of you for just even saying that.Out loud that, that maybe there are things that, that you do miss and that I understand that jealousy thing. I think that that family piece is. Is different. I found, you know, having my life changed so much led me to seek out other mothers always.So whenever I would make friends, their mom would almost become that mother figure in that space. And so I've been fortunate enough to find that each time or each like, phase of my life, I should say.And so sometimes the holidays get filled by those moments. So fortunately I have that. But I understand what you're saying.

Not only have you been a good example of that, but many of your guests have also.Like I said, just listening to other guests on the Life Shift podcast has improved my perspective maybe or just changed it or seeing how others have reconciled or coped with their feelings. That's my new not challenge. Maybe it is a challenge for me, but in this next chapter, I'm challenging myself.

Well, and speaking of that, were there episodes that stood out to you more than others or that maybe you connected with.

Our brains just can't operate at this crisis mode forever. We have to come down to stasis at some point. Hearing about those stories, in watching a dramatic thing happen and then how to.How to put the pieces back together, things will never be normal again. But in establishing the next chapter or the new normal, maybe without that person, it can't always be dramatic.You have to eventually settle into new routines and find ways to memorialize that person or move on. And that process can be faster or slower based on the person, but it's always compelling to hear those stories.

It's interesting how these other stories resonate with us. I know there's even other stories where you're like this random moment that so and so said this. It really made me think about this part of my life.And that's kind of the goal, right, of this whole show. And, and that, that this human experience is a lot more, you know, similar to each other than it is different.Whether the experience is crazy different or the same there I.

Unfortunately, I can't remember the details or exactly the guest or what was said at this point in time, but I've.I have been listening to every episode, but some episodes I have stopped the episode just to spend a few minutes reverberating what the guest just said, whether it's something that they, that they learned or something that happened in that. In their story to them. That there's been, there's been times that have really kind of been mind blowing for me just listening.So hopefully Every episode will have that for somebody, and I'm sure they do.

No, I appreciate it. Please don't stop sharing your thoughts on these episodes because it really, it's just so interesting to just have these conversations.And I like having the conversation with you about someone else's story. So I appreciate you and being a part of this early part of the journey. And now that we're in season two, I just recorded episode 47.So, I mean, this is just going. You were number eight. Thank you for that.Is there anything else that you would want, people that are considering sharing their story or anything about being a part of this? I'll call it a community of the life shift guests. Is there anything you want others to know?

Well, certainly if somebody is considering it, stop considering it and just do it. Also, one thing that's come out of certain episodes has been they've come on to talk about their life shift.And through discussing it and you leading the story along and actually going back and pausing and asking more about certain pieces, have revealed that their real shift was maybe just before or just after what they thought they were talking about. And. And that's been pretty profound to listen to also. So, yeah, I would encourage more people to.To be open about whatever big shifts that they have had in their lives.I can't say it was scary for me necessarily to agree to record, but certainly scary for me to be more public about it and to really not care who listens to it. And that's only. I've never regretted that at all since doing this.So if anything, it's shown me that these are the subjects that we should be talking about more than just what did you watch on TV this weekend?

And I did not tell you to say that, but I think that's a perfect encapsulation of the goal is just like, share the story, share the human experiences and the good, bad, ugly.All the parts of us are important and we should talk about them because I'm pretty sure that there's at least one other person out there that's going to connect with what you're saying or feel the same way. So thank you again for being a part of this, being a part of the bonus material, just being a listener. It's good to know you, my friend.

My pleasure. And likewise. Thanks for having me again.

For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.