What Maria Gallucci Learned From Telling Her Mom She Was Dying

00:00 Some moments reshape us quietly, even in the hardest ways. For Maria Galucci, one of these moments came when she was the one who had to interpret and tell her mom she had only months to live. That experience, along with growing up in a deaf household, didn't just shape her grief. It strengthened her commitment to making sure others in the deaf and hard of hearing community feel seen, supported, and included. 00:26 In our conversation, Maria shares the realities of loss, what it means to carry both compassion and regret, and how she's turned her own experiences into purpose. I still remember the day where the doctor walked in the room and I read her face. I'm like, this is not going to be good. And she said that my mom had terminal cancer and I was the one who had to tell my mom, you have one to three months to live. I'm Maciel Huli and this is The Life Shift. 00:55 candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. 01:09 Hello, my friends. Welcome to the LifeShift Podcast. I am here with Maria. Hello, Maria. Hi. Thank you for wanting to be a part of the LifeShift Podcast. I tell everyone this, so listeners, sorry that I say it almost the same way every time. But this is a healing journey that I never knew I needed, a very unexpected one. Because when I was eight, my main LifeShift moment was 01:33 One day my dad pulled me into his office after summer camp because I was visiting him over the summer. Normally live with my mom, they were divorced. So I was visiting my father and he pulled me into his work office after summer camp one day and he was like, he had to tell me that my mom had been killed in a motorcycle accident. And at that moment in time, it was like a line in the sand in which everything that I had imagined for the future for myself living with my mom full time. 02:02 in Massachusetts full-time was no longer possible. So it was kind of this moment of like, I don't have identity, I don't have safety, I don't have all the things that I felt like just so comfortable living with. And it was late 80s, early 90s, so nobody was talking about how to help a kid grieve or talk about grief or talk about sadness or any of those things. I, people around me, it was like, oh. 02:31 we need to make sure he's happy. So I absorbed that, pushed down the grief for about 20 years, struggled a lot, but all the while behind the scenes, I always wondered, other, like, am I the only person that has this line in the sand moment? From one second to the next, everything changes. And I've been on this journey now, 215 plus episodes talking to people about all sorts of life shift moments from the external ones like mine. 03:01 to very internal fires that they created a moment for themselves. And so it's just been such a journey that I didn't know how the power of story and conversation could be also healing for a 40 something year old guy. So thank you. Before we even talk about your story, thank you for being a part of my own healing journey. I know, thank you so much for having me. Like it means a lot to me. I lost my mom when I was younger as well. And so that 03:29 that just, it resonates with me so much. I'm sorry for your loss. think, hopefully you had people around you that knew how to help you move through that moment, but I did not. And I'm so jealous of those that have the unfortunate experience that I had, but have it in a more comforting way. So did you have a pretty supportive? 03:54 helpful group around you? Yeah, there were six of us kids, so we were all hearing and so we were all supported and we're still very, very, very close to this day. Like we're, we're still really You were all grieving and learning from each other's grief journeys and how to do it that maybe serves you best. Cause I'm sure the six of you didn't grieve in the exact same way. Yeah, we all, I do think that like, cause our dad just passed away from coincidentally the same cancer my mom did 25 years ago. And I think that us 04:24 being together and us like having one another is just huge. So I'm sorry for for your loss or your father as well. It's a hard it's a hard thing. But I think the more we are brave and we talk about these grief journeys and just, you know, because it's part of life, unfortunately, I think the people that are facing grief for the first time might feel a little less alone or they might feel like, oh, that's an idea I could try. 04:53 because what works for me is not gonna work for you necessarily. No, I 100 % agree. And so like my best friend of 25 years, she actually committed suicide, but she died in February, then my dad died in November of all the same year. So for me, was like, it was so hard that entire year. 05:14 And because like you're losing to things that are so close to you. And I think that people I think people do do grief in different ways. And I think that it's very like uh you have to just like feel and know where your heart is and know that everything is going to be OK, even if it doesn't feel like it's going to be. Yeah, it's it's really hard. think you I think there's something about feeling safe in in your grief journey to be you. 05:45 Because sometimes, like I'll talk to people now and my biggest piece of advice, which I don't want to give someone advice on how to grieve, but my biggest piece of advice if they ask is allow yourself to feel however you're feeling at any moment and all of it is okay. Because I know so many people are like, oh, I just need to be sad. And then they get mad or shameful if they laugh because they watch something funny on TV or, you know, they had a good day. 06:15 And they're like, oh no, I shouldn't be doing that. But you're human. Like we have to, the only way we can move forward is to move forward. Yeah, exactly. And you have to feel what you feel inside. And I think everybody just wants to be included and everyone just wants to be able to just be their authentic self like everybody does. And it's okay. It's okay if you cry. It's okay if you feel sad. It's okay if you laugh. Like it is okay. Yeah. 06:45 I think we're getting better about people being vulnerable and sharing how they're feeling. I hope anyone listening feels comfortable to be authentic in any moment because that's your experience and no one else knows what your exact experience is. And so I think it's important in that way. So before we get into your story, maybe, definitely, you can tell us who you are. Who is Maria in 2025? How do you show up in the world? How do you identify these days? 07:15 So I am a real estate agent in Colorado and I cater to the deaf and hard of hearing in the LGBTQ plus communities because I feel like being raised in a deaf and hard of hearing family and it has taught me to be compassionate and know like you're not an outsider. So I will help you get there. And so that is like my goal and that's what I've always wanted to do. 07:42 You've always had this focus just because your own personal experience. Yes. Yeah. I mean, I still remember like the day of driving in my parents' car going to their closing for their real estate. And I was probably 11 or 12 years old. We were at the closing and they were trying to like describe the paperwork. there was no interpreter at the time. So the parents are like trying to like sign the papers and they had no idea what was going on. And so I like jumped in and was starting to interpret for them. And so I think that people 08:13 A lot of people don't realize that communication is a key part of a lot of things. They didn't know what was going on. So I just jumped in and was the unofficial interpreter. Wow. I mean, I think it's something that so many of us that don't face those challenges just don't understand. We just take it for granted that we can communicate in the way that we do and that so many others can. But as 08:42 ignorant humans that sometimes all of us can be, myself included, you just don't consider the things that you don't directly understand. So I love that you are like, is your focus and that is your purpose and moving through based on your own experiences, because I think it gives it more validity and it gives it more intention and those things. So it probably makes you even better at your job because you know that experience. 09:11 Yeah, I know how people are feeling. And so if they're feeling uncomfortable, I'll be able to help them feel not uncomfortable and try to help them through this situation. Yeah, no, I think it's great. Plus you have the actual knowledge and the expertise in the space, which makes it that much better. It's probably easier to interpret now than it was that day as a child. Definitely. Totally. 09:37 Well, I think that's beautiful. And I love that. I love talking to people with such purpose driven career. But I love that because so many of us growing up in the 80s, 90s, I feel like we were on a conveyor belt of like just we we just knew we had to get a job. We just knew we had to go to college or whatever it is, whatever the next thing was. It wasn't like, oh, 10:04 This is heart centered, this is driving me forward for many of us. So I love hearing that people are like all in and it's it's motivating to hear like you found something that drives you and fuels you to do more in the world. Yeah, just making them like when they go into their first house and understanding what they've just signed and did everything like that. Like it's just with a smile on their face. It's a lot of papers. 10:34 Does it have to be that many? Is it? And they're getting more digital, I guess, which is probably helpful. I remember buying my first house and I was like, do you really need my signature on this many pages? Yeah. And you to sign it over and over and over again. It's like, I just signed this. Right. And by the end, you're like, I don't even know what you're saying anymore. I don't know what this document is. You know, you're just like, let's just And your hand's cramping. You're just signing and signing. Well, I'm glad it's getting better. And I love that you're doing it. 11:03 for the reasons that you're doing, and I think that's beautiful. So to get us to your life shift story, and I fully understand that you have probably many life shifts in your life, but maybe you can kind of paint the picture of who Maria was before this main life shift moment that we're gonna talk about today. So I think that the one thing that I noticed, we went to the zoo when I was in kindergarten. I remember sitting. 11:31 I still remember the tree, like with Christy Coons. Like I was sitting beneath the tree and we were eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on like a field trip when we were in kindergarten. And I remember like all the parents were coming up, everybody was talking and then my mom came up and obviously no one, she couldn't hear. So everybody was like going into their little circle. And then I like motioned for my mom to come over and I was signing to her. Everyone's like, oh, you know, sign, sign. 12:00 language, I'm like, well, yeah, both of my parents are deaf. And so it was like, I think that was the shift that made me realize, oh, well, maybe we're a little bit different, but in a good way, because now we know English and another language. You recognize that you were different, but maybe not in an excluding way, but something that was like that set you apart from other people. And it might have set you apart in another way, did it? 12:27 Yeah, I think it set me apart from other people because I felt bad for my mom because people were staring at her and people were staring at me while I was signing to her. And so for me, it made me feel like heart, like it hurt my heart to see that, like my mom was excluded and people were like not talking to her because they didn't know how to, but you can. Yeah. Did you feel like any personal like shame or like embarrassment? I mean, 12:56 not to put any of these on you, but I think as kids sometimes we have these feelings that may sound wrong as adults, but as kids we might assume certain things. Yeah, think that you feel, yeah, I would say like not embarrassment because I'm so awesome. Like I love the deaf and hard of hearing communities. In fact, I'm more comfortable in that community than I am even like. 13:22 talking to people, I'm always like, signing is so much easier for me than it is actually speaking. I think that it was more like sadness, like why can't you just include her? Like just try, like you could just try to talk to her, you can try to, back then we didn't have text, but now you can, so you could just put on your phone and try to text them. Yeah, no, and were you deeply involved in 13:52 like the deaf community around you? Like, did you know a lot of other families that were in similar positions or other children besides your siblings that had these experiences? So I have always been involved in the deaf and hard of hearing community because I was always interpreting for my parents. And so I was always involved in that. So it's always been like close to my heart. But coincidentally, like we... 14:16 We never were raised around other CODIS. I don't know why, but we never was. I know, it's like the, and there's 300,000 deaf and hard of hearing people between Fort Collins and Colorado Springs and Colorado, so I can't even imagine how many there are nationwide, but no, we were never really, we never were involved in that. So that's probably why, and it was maybe a first instance in which you had people like you around, so students, kids. 14:44 like you in the way of like age and all the fun things that you guys probably did together. But now you're mixing in your your mother here and that creates a different feeling for you as a child just because you can now see how she's going to be treated your whole life. Yes, exactly. And I think that that's why us six siblings are so close because all we really had were each other. And we knew like 15:15 the exclusion or the not inclusion of what things are. I feel like that's why we're so close to this day. Speaking of exclusion, do you think people exclude people like your parents because of anything other than just being uncomfortable that they can't engage? Or do you think there's some like mal-intent? Or at least at any period in your life? 15:45 I think that it's the unknown. And so I feel like they don't know what to do. And so they just avoid it. So it's less about your parents, more about the individual doing the excluding. Yeah, exactly. think that you just have to like, it's OK to talk to everybody. And it's OK no matter what culture anybody's from. Like, it doesn't have to be just ASL. But like, if you don't know how to communicate or 16:13 talk to them, like just try because I feel like people are afraid of maybe even being rejected or things like that. Like I think that if you just try to communicate with anyone, everybody's going to be open. mean, everybody just wants to feel loved and included. Yeah. Do you think it's similar to individuals that speak different languages? Yes, 100%. And ASL is actually, we sign backwards too. 16:42 I don't know if anyone knows that, but we actually like, I do like cheese grill and I think it's called grilled cheese, but we've always done everything. It's the opposite. Which is very similar to like Spanish where we're like the adjectives come after versus before in Spanish. So that sounds. And that's how it's signed to. Yeah. Or is it the opposite of English? That's so interesting. So, so you have this moment where you're like, Oh, I am a little different and that's cool. Like we can. 17:11 move forward with that? How does that start to develop and grow up? Because I think you have a few other life shift moments, you have a really hard one, maybe we could give what it looked like leading up to that one. I think we're talking about your mom here. Yes. So I think that it shapes how you look at other people and it shapes how you how much empathy you have for people because it shows that, or I think that being in 17:40 a culture like that, gives you more, I feel like it gives you more compassion and gives you more empathy because you know how it feels to be an outsider. And so I still remember the day that the doctor, my mom passed away in her forties. And so I still remember the day where the doctor walked in the room and I read her face. like, oh, this is not going to be good. And she said that my mom had terminal cancer and I was the one who had to tell my mom. 18:09 you have one to three months to live. And so I think that also is like a hard... Now we have more like coincidentally with my dad and my mom, because they were 25 years later and they died from the same cancer, which was melanoma. My dad had all the interpreters and all the VRIs and things like that where my mom didn't. And so like back then we had to tell my mom, like we had to interpret everything for her and we had to tell her that she was... 18:37 had like she was gonna die in one to two months and she died two and a half months later. What was that moment like for you? Like what was going on in your head as just as a person and a daughter and all the things? I still remember telling her it's gonna be okay, you got this, it'll be okay. And so that still tortures me to this day because it wasn't okay because she did end up dying. And so like, I always think 19:03 I like am so careful saying that to anybody right now. Like it's going to be OK. Like everything will be good. And that's not the case, though. Everything is not always good. And you have to like be able to be strong enough to tell them like, no, this isn't going to be OK, which I still haven't gotten yet. Well, I mean, I'm sure as a as a parent, she probably knew that you weren't directly interpreting it's going to be OK. 19:32 while also saying you have this terminal cancer, right? think so. Hopefully that gives you a little grace for yourself. Yeah, actually means a lot. Yeah. Thank you. Because it's actually... We blame ourselves for so many things and we catastrophize. Like that moment was really hard, I think, for your mom, probably for the doctor, probably for you. Oh I couldn't even imagine. Like I even called the doctor later and I'm like... 20:01 It's gotta be so hard for you to have to tell people that they're dying. Like, there's nothing we can do. You're going to die. Like, I actually had a conversation with the doctor because I had that experience. I'm like, that has to be awful. Like, I can't even imagine. Yeah, and I think it adds another layer that you... How old were you? I was in my very early 20s. Okay. So I was picturing more of like a teenage, but even still, think having to tell someone... 20:30 to then tell someone else in a different language the news, I think that is probably challenging. And also, maybe a little stressful too, right? Because if you don't know ASL, do you know if that person is actually translating the right information? Exactly. That's really challenging. Yeah, and you don't. And then my younger sister Rose, was actually a teenager, so she was in her teens and she was in the room. 21:00 but like, can't, no, it's so true because you don't really know what you're interpreting. And obviously I was saying, oh, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay. Obviously cancer was head to toe, so it was not gonna be okay, but the doctor, like, it is true, you never know like what you're interpreting to them because it's like different. Right, and did you have the right language to share that if you, all that like, 21:30 technical medical stuff to share that? I don't know if like it's traditional to like know all the things. Yeah, and no, I don't think that I explained it correctly to my mom. And so I actually, I still remember that I called the doctor from the house because I was still like processing and everything and I called her and I'm like, okay, so like exactly what is happening and how 21:57 long does she have to live? Because my mom was kind of confused because I probably didn't explain it very well and I shouldn't have to like as they should have like the resources there to do it and not have the children do it. And she said she had one to three months and so I had to tell my mom that over the phone. So I had to tell her twice. 22:17 That is that's really challenging. I don't envy you. I don't envy anyone that has to share that news with anyone that they love. But I also think it's important and I think it can lead. You had a very short window, but it can lead to even deeper connections. Did you find that with your mother or was it too scary? Like, how did you how did you individually process just hearing that your mother is going to pass and 22:46 one to three months. It was very hard, so I like sympathize with you with losing your mom like right away because I always debate because my dad died too of the same cancer so he had the same, he was a little bit longer than my mom was but sometimes I wonder like is it better to lose somebody fast? Is it better to lose somebody like and see them suffer for two and a half months or my dad was like a year and a half? Like I, I don't know, I've always wondered that. 23:16 A lot of us wonder that. I don't have an answer, but I did lose my mother suddenly. And then in my 30s, my mother figure, which was my dad's mom, she kind of took that role on and we got very close, which wouldn't have happened had my mom not died. But at the same time, it was just such a blessing. And she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She had a little bit longer than your father. But for me, 23:45 because I had the other one first, I knew all the things I couldn't do. I knew all the things that I wasn't able to say. I knew all the ways that I totally screwed up my grief journey for myself and the people around me. And so this time, that length of time, even though it was very hard and so hard to watch someone essentially wither away. 24:11 I feel like I was lucky because I got to be more intentional. I got to have that final conversation that everyone's like, I wish I would have said XYZ. And so for me, as hard as that was, I feel like if it's someone you love that deeply, I think the longer and watching it all happen is better for me. But I don't know what is better. I know. I always... um 24:40 tell Jordan and Rhian, uh my daughter and my son, that every time I get off the phone, even if I talk to them five minutes before, I tell them I love you every single time. Because you never, ever, ever know when someone's gone. And so I think that it's so important to love and just have everybody feel like they're special to you. I would push back a little bit on that. I think saying you love them, especially if you do love them. 25:09 I think that's super important. But I also think it's really important for us to tell people when we're bothered by something, when something isn't the way that we think it should be with them. And I say that because when I had that final conversation with my grandmother about two months before she died, I forced it. She didn't want to do it. But we were able to tell each other all the things that had annoyed us about each other over the years. 25:37 all the things that we I love that. But it was so, it's hard, right? But at the same time, like, we need to know at the end of the day, through all of those pieces, there was a lot of love, yes. But there was a lot of other things that we learned from each other because of those hard moments. And so that's only way I would push it back is like, not every time you're hanging up the phone, you're like, well, I also hate when you do this. But at the same time, if we have this open dialogue. 26:06 And it's not just, I love you because you're my son or I love you because you're my daughter, but I also don't love these things sometimes and I'd love to talk about that someday. I would highly encourage people to have more open conversations in there because when my grandmother died, I had no regrets. There was nothing left unsaid. That is amazing. That's awesome because that's what I think that a lot of people need to do because like when Stacey passed away, 26:36 but that's the one that I was talking about. It well, it was sudden as well, but it, like the things it's really traumatic too. Yeah, yeah. mean, like, unfortunately, like, and I know, I don't know if this is bad or good, but Stacey's death impacted me more than my mom and dad's death because I think it was sudden and it was like, and then you always think about what I could have said to her or what like I could have done that would have made it. 27:05 a difference and I was supposed to meet her that night. So I think that's why it was a little bit more traumatic. Yeah, I think you should never just regret anything. Well, good luck. And everyone does. We're all human. But I think if we can be more intentional. And so that's why I'm asking you like more about you in these moments, because I think sometimes we think that other people want to hear that we were a hero. We were 27:35 the most compassionate person that's ever existed. And sometimes inside we're like, I hate this so much and I wish that I could disappear and not help anyone for the next five years. Did you have any of that like internal dialogue of that was conflicting on the way that you feel like you should have done something versus how you were actually feeling? I think we do have like that conflict and you always think like, should I have done more? Should I have done less? 28:04 what should I have done to make everything better? But you can't. You didn't have any like, God, I wish this wasn't happening so that I could go to Peru for two weeks. I don't know. think that sometimes you actually, yeah. So my mom had invited me to go to the mall and I still remember this to this day. She invited me to go to the mall and I said, no, because I was too busy. 28:31 And I always regret that because that was the last time we would have gone to the mall. And so I think that. 28:38 I wonder like what would have been different if I had gone to the mall with her that day? Like would she have been, she should have died happier. you, yeah, Would you have felt different? Do you think? I think that I wouldn't have regretted not going to the mall with her. And I know that sounds so silly. It doesn't. It's like. It's time. Yeah. It's like the one thing that I always think about is that, like I said no that day and I shouldn't have said no. 29:06 Yeah, I have something similar like with my mom. I mean, I was eight. So what parent listens to an eight year old? But I she had done this trip with her boyfriend before it was a motorcycle like trip with like friends and they were going from Massachusetts to Colorado. They had done it before. This was the second time. But this time I threw probably one of the biggest temper tantrums that I've ever thrown. 29:34 and didn't want her to go, didn't, you know, and like, she was like, it's fine. And like, and I don't know if I was just being an eight year old with a temper tantrum, or did I feel a certain way. And so growing up, I was like, what if I had done more? And I'm like, you were eight, like, you couldn't have done it. So Maria, you were 20 something. The last thing that most people want to do is go to the mall with their parents. So. 30:00 give yourself a little bit of grace for, you like you were trying to live your life and she would probably, she probably wanted that for you. Yeah, no, I think she did. And she was always like very supportive and very, because I had Jordan when I was 16. So I had her, I was pregnant at 15. So I was very, very young. And so my parents were always like Jordan's babysitter, but I always paid them. 30:28 for day-to-day care because I'm like, nobody is gonna support me. This is my thing. And so I think that that loss was like hard too because I think Jordan took it really, really hard because Jordan, I mean, my mom was all Jordan new. Yeah. How do you, how do you parent a grieving child? I'm curious only because I didn't, the people around me didn't quite have that tool or did you have it? I don't think I had it either. And I think, cause I think I was so young. 30:58 And I think that Jordan was impacted more than I thought. I don't think you realize, like, because Jordan was nine when my mom died. And so she was younger. And so I think that we think that, oh, they're going to be OK. They'll be OK. And they're really not. you don't realize how much things impact people. Do you talk to her about it now? No. 31:27 But I will, You just need to get that, yeah. I'm not gonna force you to do it, but I think she might, and maybe not, she might feel like maybe there are some things she wants to talk about. It took me, and the reason I say this, I don't want this to be her situation, and hopefully it's not, but it took me 20 plus years to find the ability to move through grief in an appropriate way for me. 31:55 It was a hot mess behind the scenes for those 20 years. And I think to myself, had I been brave enough or had I had the outlet to talk to someone or the wherewithal to talk to someone, even in my family, if they were prepared and they weren't, my life would be different. And so it might be worth opening the door and seeing how she feels and maybe she feels fine. Maybe she's just like, whatever, mom, leave me alone. 32:23 I don't know if it's true. No, it's probably a huge impact. I still remember her sitting at the door and like just on her knees and just like crying. But I never, because I always had to be, I felt like I always had to be so strong for Jordan. And it felt like I had to be so strong for my parents because like they're like outside of the community and everything. And so I was just like, oh, Jordan, it's okay, it's okay. But it's really not. No, and you didn't have to be strong. 32:52 Yeah. Just like we said before, can feel whatever you need to feel. You are a full human. I think that's that's something that's a good takeaway from just having this conversation for people listening is like we may think that other people need to see that we're this way or another way. But like. It's not true, because I think, you know, had I seen. I think had I seen my dad or. 33:21 my other family members grieving in a, I don't know, effective way when I was a kid. Maybe I would have felt safe to cry. Maybe I would have felt safe to be sad. But I just assumed, oh, everyone's seemingly okay. So I need to be perfect because if I'm not perfect and they see that I'm not okay, then my dad will also leave. 33:50 and it was very much a fear of abandonment. And so I started being a perfectionist and everything had to be perfect. And was it because I wanted to? No, it was all out of fear. But imagine if I was a perfectionist because I wanted to be. be like, where would I be now? So we wouldn't have to have this conversation if I didn't have a really crappy grief journey. But at the same time, I hope that other people don't have to have the extended versions. Do you feel? 34:19 that you have grieved your mom, your friend Stacey, your father? um I think that I've grieved my mom and my dad, but I have not... I can't get past Stacey. I don't know why, but I just can't. Like with Rhian being... Like he struggles because he's gay and all that stuff. And so like, I think it just like puts fear in me for Rhian as well. 34:48 and like, and Stacey and things like that. So Stacey's one thing I can't get past. Well, you will. I will someday. You will. And I just, encourage you to be as kind to yourself as you would be to any other person, because it sounds like you did that a lot. Be as kind as you can. And if you are mad about Stacey dying by suicide, then be mad. That's okay. You know, if 35:18 If you're very sad, which is probably often. Yeah, that's that's acceptable as well. And if you think of Stacey and you laugh, that's OK, too. I think we get so caught up and like we have to do it a certain way. It has to be done by six months. It has to be whatever it may be. But I appreciate you just being honest about it, because I think. I think it just gives people permission to not be perfect. And you don't have to be perfect like everybody. 35:47 We all think we should be. Yeah, I know, exactly. But hearing other people share imperfections, I think gives people permission to also do the same. Yes, I feel the same way. And I feel like if you're, if you feel like you're an outsider, just know that you're loved no matter what. Like there are people out there who are gonna... 36:13 love you. And I think that was the whole purpose of the book was to make people feel inclusive and put awareness out there to know that you're not alone. And there are people out there. want to go back to your son and you said, you know, he's struggling. He's scared. don't remember what descriptor you said, but he's struggling. It's scary. It's a scary world for people in the LGBTQIA uh plus community. 36:43 What are you scared for for him? I think that. 36:51 that community feels so isolated. so Rhian came out very young. And so I think that they feel very isolated and they feel like they're alone. And Rhian always said that he is like, there's not going to be anybody for me, mom. And I said, yes, there will be like there are people like you and there are people who are in your community. And he used to cut himself really bad when he was younger, but he came out so young, which the doctors all said that I was. 37:19 that I should be thankful for because a lot of people don't come out until they're older. The second he came out, I'm like, no, Big Dale, of course. And I think that that's what the deaf community, I think they go hand in hand because they both feel isolated and separate. And all they want to feel is included and just to be the same as everyone else. And they are. And I feel like we exclude communities a lot and it shouldn't be like that. I'm sure that's a tough, as a parent, 37:48 I'm sure that's really challenging because you want them to be safe, you want to protect them, but also you want them to be independent and live their lives in the way that they want to and choose to. Do you find that as like a tug of war? I do. I was so scared when he left the house and he just, so he's 19 now and he's going to college and all that stuff. But like when he left the house, I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm like, we talk every day. Like I'm like, cause 38:19 little everything I feel like and it's like It is hard like when they go because you're thinking they're gonna be okay. I hope they're gonna be okay and then they are like that gives them a sense of Independence and it gives them a sense and he found his little Community to like I told him he would I'm like Adrian you will find it Yeah, no, I think it's important. It's kind of like 38:47 forgive this connection, but you told your mom it's gonna be okay, everything's okay. 38:56 Maybe it was for her. Yes. You know, after the fact, maybe it was for all of you. Maybe it brought certain things closer. It's a hard thing to say. I don't, I realize that. So I don't mean to put this on you, but sometimes I think like, maybe that is okay, because maybe they were really a lot of pain or maybe Stacey was just living a really hard existence inside and couldn't share that. 39:25 And that was the option that was available to her, you know? And that was as hard as it is for everyone else, maybe that was her savior of whatever pain or whatever she was facing. And that's what I try to think because I always think like, well, my mom isn't in pain anymore. So my mom's like out of pain. And then Stacey, she was suffering internally. She was here for everybody else. And so like now she's not in pain. 39:54 And that's usually, I mean, from the people that I've had conversations with that have had attempts or ideations, it's really not about the act. It's not about it. That's just to stop whatever is so overwhelming that they just need it to be quiet. And that's the only solution inside in their head. Like they're. Yeah. Yeah. It's a really hard and I hate. 40:23 that it's so taboo, not that I want anyone to die by suicide. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Of course. But also, it's a nature of the world, right? It's not a new thing. And it's something that we have more resources in some cases, more caring people, more people talking about it, more people willing to share how they're feeling. But at the same time, I don't think we're going to eradicate death by suicide. 40:53 I just think it's part of the human experience, unfortunately. And so if we redefine it a little bit from the outsider's perspective, maybe it gives them a little bit more grace. I don't know if I just excused a bunch of people and people will be mad at me, but it's important to realize that being a human is really hard. It is. It is hard. you have to be... I think that a lot of them feel like you have... 41:20 that they can't be their selves or their authentic selves and it's okay to be your Well, mean, it's like talking about your parents being isolated, talking about your son feeling isolated. Maybe she felt isolated, you know? Some of the most caring and generous people are probably so broken inside that we just don't know because they give all. 41:43 to everyone else. They give all of their selves to everybody else. Yeah, well, this is a really uplifting conversation. I'm sorry for that, for taking you down that road. But I think it's important to think about this. And maybe as you're processing this grief, losing your best friend, maybe there's different things you can think about that might help you down that journey. So all right, let's talk about why, first of all, why did you write a book? So I've 42:12 That's 15 years in the making. Not the first time I've heard that. It took forever. But I wanted to, I felt like growing up as a CODA, which is a child of deaf adults, that people don't realize the difference between the hearing community and the deaf and hard of hearing community. And I was just trying to bridge the gap, I feel like. I feel like I wanted people to be aware that we're not. 42:39 different and just because we communicate in ASL or American sign language doesn't mean that we're different from everybody else. And so I just, I think I wanted just to make sure that everybody knew like just to be inclusive and to be caring and just to give compassion to the other communities, not even just ASL, just everyone in general. Everyone that's been othered in some way. Outcasted in some way. Yeah. What 43:08 What does that journey of 15 years look like? Like how, why, how? I mean, I've heard all these answers, but it's interesting to hear why yours took 15 years to put together. It's funny how you forget a lot of your childhood. And so while I was doing this journey, it's like I remembered a lot of stuff. So was like texting my brothers and my sister. like, do you remember that? Like when like you're writing the book, you remember a lot of stuff that you forget. And so. 43:36 And this year is when it like skyrocketed. I'm like, I just finally said, I'm just going to do it this year. It's going to be released. I'm going to do it. And so I feel like this year brought a lot of like attention to my own self and like learning about my childhood and what the difference is and actually asking my siblings their opinion as well, because like, it's not just me. Like, what did you feel? What was that? Like my sister, what? 44:05 uh My older one she didn't talk to she was six. She always whispered in my ear and I would talk for her And so I think like being raised in that community people don't really realize What it's like and the differences are like people just think like it's a oh, it's a S all of it But it's not it's hard not to hear yeah and live live with people and Commute and have to build relationships and communities in two different languages 44:34 Is there part of your book that talks about how you're kind of straddling offense in some ways? Yes. And I put in the book a lot of like little things you can do or like a lot of tips and tricks that you can do with the community because it is uh a different community and it's a different way of living and it's a different world. And I think that people don't realize that they just like ignore it and like, they're they're deaf. They 45:03 can't hear. And like, even if they're at like a grocery store and they're trying to grab something, but they don't know where it is. And they're trying to ask somebody where it's at. And they would just ignore them. It's like, no, like just, just help them. Like just try and help them because that's all they want. Yeah. That's it's really hard. I think so much of that is fear of the unknown. Well, yeah. Fear of the unknown, but 45:30 Just like fear that you're not gonna be able to understand. You're not gonna be, like just all the things that are probably not true, but we as humans build these things up in our heads like, no, like what if I can't do it? I'm a failure. And then you go down that spiral. So I bet a lot of that is not out of like malicious intent, but rather just a lack of understanding. And so I love that you put together like a resource essentially. Is it more narrative or is it more like, 46:00 instructional? It's more, I would say half and half. Okay. It's more like stories and funny stories and then also tips and like things you can do like at the end of every chapter it'll tell you what you can and what you can do to like help and what you should not do. Yeah, what you should not do. I'm sure you have a lot of those. Yeah. 46:26 When you're there and you are speaking louder because you think they can hear you, they can't hear you. So just don't speak louder. And that happens a lot. And I think that the biggest misconception of the deaf and hard of hearing community is that they can all read lips and they can't. So even if you're talking louder or talking slower or talking to them, some of them do not know how to read lips. We do. 46:54 That was awesome because I can see what people are saying across the room. The special trick. Now, I think that's what a valuable resource to the world. Are you sending it to places like that might just need it or is it just going to be like in your normal bookstore? Because I bet there's a lot of resource centers that could could benefit from this but might not look out for. 47:21 We have it on all the book platforms right now and then we're gonna send it all to the deaf and hard of hearing and blind schools so they can like teach their kids and things like that within the school. I think that's beautiful. I think the more information of personal stories, the better that that information's gonna come across because you personified it in a way that makes sense. I think sometimes 47:50 if we just had a book of tips. I don't know that it resonates as much as you telling a story of your mom at the grocery store trying to get X, Y, Z and nobody's helping her in the panic and whatever comes along with that. making up a story right now. But I think if we see that we're like, oh, there are things we could do. Whereas if you were just like, just help people, I don't know that that's going to hit. Yeah, it's got stories of like when we were growing up and stories of how 48:20 Like there was a tornado and my mom did not hear the sirens. So I was looking out the window and I saw a port-a-potty flying by and I'm like, this does not look normal. There should not be a port-a-potty flying across. And then it was actually a tornado and my mom didn't hear the sirens. So it's just stories like that and stories of how we can make things different. Yeah, and more inclusive and just more human and kind. 48:50 Yes. That would be nice. Yeah. don't know if 2025 is the year that it will happen. I I'll say it will soon. Maybe in a couple years. I love to ask a similar question to everyone. And I'm wondering if like 2025 Maria, if you could bump into Maria leaving that doctor's office after you had just told your mom, interpreted whatever the doctor said, is there anything that you would want to say to that Maria about? 49:19 the journey she's about to go on or anything? I think that I would say I hate this line, but that it's going to be okay. Because sometimes it's not, but it was okay after all that. just that know that no matter what struggles you go through and no matter what anyone is going through, 49:45 that it will eventually be okay. Hopefully. It doesn't always work out. That is very common as a response to anyone's life shift moment or in these moments because in the moment, like you said, we feel like everything's hopeless and nothing could ever be good again. And if I think this is where it could be comes in. 50:13 If we have the willingness to eventually take the next step and the next step and the next step, we can really look back in a couple years and see how resilient humans are and how we can overcome so many things that in the moment feel insurmountable. There was no way, like when I found out my mama said, was like, there's no possible way that I'm going to do anything with my life now because everything I knew was gone. 50:44 You know, here I am in my 40s and I functioning like a human again, but like all my teens and 20s, I thought, hey, I'm going to die at the same age she died because it's all I knew. always thought that. Yeah. We always thought we were going to die in our 40s. So anytime we turn the age that she passed away, we're like, oh, we made it. yeah. And then you're like, damn, I wish I hadn't, I wish I had planned for after this. 51:12 That was me. My mom died when she was 32. And when I turned 33, I was like, okay, now what? I didn't really plan for this. you know, I think there is something to be said of the simple and maybe cliche, it's going to be okay, because so many people find out eventually that it was going to be okay. And we made it. So. 51:40 as simple as you think that might be, think is really powerful and very common. Yes. Yeah. And I think that you just have to take a break and feel for your own self and like feel how you feel and not what everyone else is thinking. Now what everyone else is doing. You just need to take a break and just think, am I okay? How do I feel? And it's okay if you're not okay. 1000%. Yes. It's the whole, I think it's also the whole 52:09 idea or the common phrase of like put your oxygen mask on first and then you can help everyone. You know like take care of yourself. Don't it's nice to help other people but if you aren't helping yourself first it's gonna be it's harder to help other people. It's to help other people. Yeah and you might want to them better if you're full. Yeah yeah no I agree. Yeah so if people want to check out your book or connect with you or tell you their story about 52:38 being a coda or whatever it may be, what's the best way to find you, get in your space and learn about your book and tell us the title of your book as well. So it's called Raised in Silence, the website for the book. You can buy it on the platform and also get in touch with me. That's raisedinsilence.com. Great. Do you have like, can people reach out to you? Do you have socials or anything like that that people might? 53:04 Yeah, for sure. So, Galuchi Homes is my Instagram and then Maria Galuchi on Facebook. Cool. How do you feel if someone has listened to your story connected with parts and just wants to tell you a little part of their story that your story triggered or resonated with them? Would you be open to people reaching out to you? For sure. Like if anybody needs anything or wants to reach out, it's maria at galuchihomes.com. I love it. 53:33 I asked that, I know not a lot of people want that, but I figure a lot of podcast guests might want to hear from other people about their stories. I found that the power of story is just so impactful for multiple parties. So like you and I having this conversation, we've probably changed because of your story or me sharing my story. The listeners are obviously connecting with our story. You saying words out loud. 54:03 about your story might trigger something different or a different feeling about something. So there's just so much power in people vocalizing what's been in their head for so long that I just always encourage people to reach out and make these connections, these human connections. Yes. And I'm here for anybody if anybody needs anything. Like I know, I know how it feels to be an outcast. I know how it feels to be stared at. I know all that stuff so can help anybody. Yeah. Well. 54:32 Don't put that off, Arthur. You can't help everybody. Take that back. She'll help you if she can. And that's where we'll leave that. But I appreciate you coming on this journey and not knowing where we were going to go or the silly questions that I may have asked you. I just appreciate you being a part of the LifeShift Podcast. And hopefully there are people out there that now, from hearing your story, feel less alone. Yes. Me too. 54:58 It's been a lovely way to get to know so many people, including yourself. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. And thank you all for listening and for being with me 215 plus episodes so far. I don't have any plans of stopping, so that's a good thing. But I am just so blessed and honored that you would want to listen for this long. So. 55:22 I say all that to say thank you and I will be back next week with a brand new episode of the LifeShift Podcast. Thanks again, Maria. Thank you. 55:42 For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com