When Vision Fades, Stories Emerge: How Tarris Marie Became an Author

So I woke up.

No lie, looked at my phone, and I was like.

And I started scrolling, and I couldn't see right.

And so I was like, it's happening.

Like, the one thing that he said wouldn't happen, it's happening, you know, and I just started freaking out, and it was just very, very dramatic.

Traumatic, dramatic.

All the things.

Today's guest is Terrace Marie.

She is, in my opinion, a woman of resilience, creativity, and truly unyielding strengthen.

In this episode, Taris shares her journey from her dream career in fashion to facing the challenges brought by Stargard's disease, which is an inherited condition that affected her vision.

Despite these hurdles, Taris has embraced her journey with, I think, courage.

That's nothing short of inspiring.

Her story weaves in themes of adaptability, her faith, one major spiritual moment, and creative expression.

She transitions from this successful career and fashion to becoming a published author of women's crime novels.

Throughout the conversation, Tariss Faith and creative spirit are top of mind, and she shares how they guided her through her life shifts.

It is both of our hopes that this episode helps you feel less alone in your journey when challenges get in the way of your dreams or when they're actually guiding you in a new direction.

Without further ado, here is my conversation with Taris Marie.

I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is the life shift.

Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

Hello, my friends.

Welcome to the Life Shift podcast.

I am here with Taris.

Hello.

Hi.

Thank you for joining today.

The Life Shift podcast is, like this wonderful journey that I just never expected for myself.

And you're the 150th person that I've been able to interview on this show, and I'm just so blessed.

Congratulations.

Well, thank you.

It has been quite a journey.

And just for anyone listening, before we get into your story, the life shift podcast exists because when I was eight years old, my mom was killed in a motorcycle accident.

And at that moment in my life, when my dad sat me down and told me, everything in my life shifted from what it was going to be to what it became.

Because my parents were divorced, we lived in different states, I lived with my mom full time.

Everything changed.

And so growing up, I didn't really have the resources or I guess maybe the time period, people weren't talking about mental health or grief.

And I was a kid, and people thought kids bounced back and all those things that come along with losing someone, and I was like, do other people have this line in the sand kind of moment in which everything changes.

And, you know, as a grown up now, I realize that people have lots of those.

They have different ones and how they change them.

And I've just had this wonderful experience on the life shift podcast of talking to people like you about these moments and how, as an individual, these moments can change us.

Either that's in a good way or a bad way.

And so thank you again for just wanting to share your story in this way.

Thank you for having me.

It is going to be a good conversation.

I think some of your story is something that maybe people can't relate to directly.

But I know for a fact that parts of how you felt and the things that came around that people will be able to completely relate to, because it turns out as humans, we have a lot of the same kind of feelings about different moments in our lives.

So I'm excited to hear your story and what you've done with your pivotal moment.

Before we do that, though, maybe you can tell us a little bit about who you are in 2024 without giving away too much.

Okay, so my name is Taris Murray.

I am a published author, and I write right now women's crime novels, and I'm a wife and a mother of two.

Maybe you can, and this is up to you where you take us, but maybe you can kind of paint the picture of who Taris Washington, you know, before this life shifting moment that really changed everything for you.

And we'll go from there.

Okay.

I'm a midwestern girl.

Actually, originally, I'm from Gary, Indiana.

I moved to Houston, Texas about eleven years ago.

Prior to that, I lived in Dallas for a year, and I lived in Atlanta, Georgia.

And career wise, I had my dream career, which was in fashion.

I started off as an assistant buyer, and I worked in the fashion industry for 15 years.

I did different things, like merchandising, buying.

I was a merchandise planner.

And so I had, as far as my career goes, I achieved them, and it was something that I was always interested in.

And as a young girl, I used to draw little sketches and stuff like that.

So it was, I would say, a dream job for me.

And so I was doing that.

And then also, as I said earlier, I'm married.

So I had my husband, I had my two children, and so that was my life.

You were checking all the boxes.

Were you kind of like, feeling like you were doing the thing?

That's it.

I was making the money I wanted to make.

I was, you know, had the career that I wanted, and I felt like I was accomplishing everything that I had in my mind of what my life was going to be like.

And that's pretty much now.

There were other things that happened prior to that, but right before my pivotal moment, that is what was going on in my life.

So.

Well, growing up, you said you had dreamed of this since you were, like, six years old or something like that, drawing things, and then you were making the life happen that you had always dreamed of.

Were you always a go getter and someone, that achievement was a thing?

Yes.

Yes.

So I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandfather and my grandmother both were readers.

They loved to read, and so.

And they exposed me to the arts.

So my grandfather loved musicals, and so I love musicals now.

And so I kind of had this balanced life, if that makes sense, when it comes to education as well as the arts.

And so I used to do a lot of things.

Like I mentioned earlier, I used to draw little sketches, like fashion sketches.

I also used to, like, create movies.

And, I mean, I was just a child with a big imagination, but I always had, like I said, this balance between business and my artistic world.

So.

So it wasn't always like, chase the next dream, the next achievement.

It was like you were living like the dream but also comfortable in the dream, and not because a lot of.

A lot of the people I talked to, even myself, myself, my example is probably more trauma induced of, like, having to achieve so that people, like, accepted or didn't abandon me in that moment.

But a lot of people I talked to, it was like they achieved something and they didn't take the time to sit in it and enjoy it.

It was more like, what can I do next?

What can I do next?

Were you someone that sat in the moment and celebrated yourself and gave yourself your flowers, or was it always onto the next level for you?

I would say it was actually always on to the next level.

You know, I want to make sure that, you know, when I say, like, my grandparents raised me, my mom left when I was six years old, and so when she left, then I was then with my grandparents, and they raised me.

But I did.

So I did not come from the perfect or I don't want to stereotypical upbringing, if that makes sense.

And I did have, you know, certain issues and certain things that I did have to overcome as a young child.

But I feel that my grandparents did a really good job of making sure that they provided a home for me that gave me the foundation that I needed in order to achieve some of the things, even though we did not have a lot of money, you know, I wanted to be a dancer also.

So, like you were saying, dream chaser.

And I remember my grandmother took me to the secondhand store, is what we called it.

And that's where I got some tap shoes.

And then my grandfather was showing me old movies like Stormy Weather and the Nicholas brothers and Gregory Hines.

And he was like, they taught themselves how to tap dance.

You could teach yourself.

So I used to be down in the basement trying to teach myself how to dance, you know, so I tried to make the best of my life of what I had at the moment.

That's something that has always been a part of me.

I would say, even now, I'll get to my pivotal moment in a second.

But anytime something would come at me, I would be able to take it and turn it around and find a positive in it and try to grow from it.

Even as a child, I would say, and my faith kept me grounded in that.

I would say, is that something that came from your grandparents as well?

Actually, my faith in going to church came from my aunts.

So where I lived, I grew up where my cousins lived down the street.

I grew up in a neighborhood with a bunch of kids.

And, you know, I used to go outside, ride my bike, do all the things.

And so my aunt would.

Aunt Shirley would pick me up with my cousins and then would take me to church.

And that's where I got my foundation from as far as spiritually.

And then your grandparents gave you, like, this safety.

It almost seems like they were.

They made, like, a safe space for you to explore and dream and do the things that you wanted.

I mean, I'm making assumptions here, but is that true?

That's very true.

That's very true.

I feel like a lot of kids would not be able to find, like, the silver lining or the beauty in the madness and those kind of things if they didn't feel safe.

So it sounds like you had a space where, like, hey, you want to do this?

Try it.

You know, like, whereas a lot of people are like.

Or I felt very much like these were my only roads to go.

Like, you have to go to business school.

You have to do this.

You have to do this.

That's it.

Like, I didn't have.

And maybe I did, but I didn't feel the space in which I could explore those things in a safe way because would it lead to a good job?

Would it do, you know, like, those kind of things?

And so now you just hit the hell.

Not the hell, but you hit the nail on the head.

Now, that was my childhood now, as I got older, that's when my grandparents say, okay, all of that was cute.

Now it's time for you to hone in.

What are you going to do?

All that other stuff is a hobby, you know.

And when I went to college, I guess that could be my first moment.

I went to Florida a and M university, and I was on a journalism scholarship, and still writing didn't hit me.

Yeah.

And so anyway, I went to a symposium, and they were showing the salaries of journalism majors versus a business major.

And so I was like, I cannot graduate from college making that money.

I need to make.

I needed to go to get into the business school, you know.

And I called my grandmother.

I said, oh, my God.

They just showed the average salary coming out of college for the school of journalism.

And it's.

It was 13 or $15,000, something like that.

She's like, oh, hell, no.

You gotta find something else, you know?

And so I was like, okay.

You know, so then I had to pivot, right?

And so that's when I looked up Indiana university.

They had a 98% placement rate for minorities at the time through the Kelley School of business.

And so I always made good grades, like I told you, I always had a balance between the arts and the business.

And so I said, you know, for long term, for, you know, Sal, for my.

To get the salary that I wanted, then I need to make sure that I, you know, built that foundation in college through the business school.

So my grandmother, definitely.

So I changed my whole.

So.

So I did not.

I walked away from my scholarship, went to Indiana University, got accepted into the Kelley school of business, which I do not regret.

Okay.

But that is where I first did my first pivot.

It's interesting, too, because, you know, you said you had this balance between art and.

What'd you say?

Art and business.

Yes.

But also, like, it's.

You had this balance between dreams and reality that you kind of, like, married to at the same time, in the sense of like, yeah, it's great to dream, but also you have to live and you have to be able to do the things that you want to do that involve the dreams.

And so it's like you have this nice balance of all these things.

And, like, I'm very jealous in a way.

That's very good of you.

Please don't be.

Because, listen, what I instill in my children now is when I went to my grandmother, and it's fine the way everything worked out, of course, but I told her what the average salary was, right.

But it could have been.

You've been doing this all your life, or don't think in terms of average, what.

You know what I mean?

Like, where's your passion?

And so that is a conversation.

I didn't have anyone talking to me in that way.

It was more so about, okay, you know, you gotta make money, period.

And so.

And I knew I had to make money, you know, so it was more about me.

But like you said, I still was able to find a career where I was making the money that I wanted.

And I stepped away from the arts, not so much in college, because I still was in plays and did things like that.

But my focus was on my career and making money.

And that's where.

What happened?

When I graduated from college and I told you, I started off an assistant buyer program, and I continued that until I hit the bathroom floor.

Well, tell me that must be a moment.

Okay.

So before I hit the bathroom floor, when I had my.

It was actually when I had my son, I found out I had a disease called star guard's disease.

And what happened was my vision was starting to be off.

And they tell you when you have a child that it can affect your vision.

But after a year went by and things are getting really distorted, I was like, this doesn't feel right.

And so, long story short, I went to a retina specialist, and I got tested, and I found out I had an inherited disease called Star guard's disease, which takes away your central vision.

It keeps your peripheral intact, but you lose whatever it is that you're looking directly at, and it is progressive.

And so at the time, when I was diagnosed, I still had most of my vision in both eyes.

The doctor at that time was preparing me by.

First of all.

Cause I just broke down crying.

Of course.

The go getter at me, you know, was like, okay, so what's the.

So when he told me what my diagnosis was, I'm like, okay, so what surgery do I need?

Hmm?

How do we fix this?

Yeah, what.

And that's like, can I get some new eyeballs?

You know, like, what?

What do I need to do to get new eyeballs?

Like, what is it?

And so he's like, there's nothing you can do.

Like, it's part of your DNA, and no matter what eyes you get, it's going to affect, you know.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Is it fairly common or is it.

This is something.

Both parents have to have it, or at least have the gene.

My mother does nothing have it at all.

And I don't know my father, so I'm not for sure if he, you know, is walking around with it or not.

But as a fact, he either is a carrier or he has it.

And my mother is a carrier because she doesn't have star guards where you can, you know, see it.

So.

So, yeah, it was mind blowing, but at the time, when I was diagnosed, I still was able to see.

Like, I still had my.

Most of my vision, so it didn't really affect me.

And so the doctor handed me a Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass and was like, all right, so this is going to be your future.

You better learn braille.

And I was like, what?

Like, it was.

It was very traumatic.

That's not very good bedside manner we got there, so.

Oh, yeah.

So, anyway, fast forward.

Oh, and then I said, am I going to be able to wake up and not be able to read my text messages?

I remember specifically asking that question, like, no, it doesn't work like that.

It worked like that for me.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

It was like an overnight.

So I woke up.

No lie, looked at my phone, and I was like.

And I started scrolling and I couldn't see.

Right.

And so I was like, it's happening.

Like, the one thing that he said wouldn't happen, it's happening, you know, and I just started freaking out, and it was just very, very dramatic.

Traumatic.

Dramatic.

All the things.

Yeah.

I can't imagine.

Was it up to that moment, though?

Was it.

Did you notice that things were progressing or.

Okay, so things were progressing, but as I said, I still had acuity in both eyes to where I still was able to drive.

I was still able to do those things.

And, like, I.

So what happened was, which is also very rare, that one little central vision spot where I was able to see, it just, like, disappeared.

And so then my central vision just went black, you know?

And so I had a much better doctor at that time.

And so he had told me that, you know, well, we knew this was going to come, and so he referred me to a low vision specialist.

I had to call my job, and I was like, you're not going to believe this, but I woke up.

I couldn't read my text message, you know, so it was just a whole situation.

Were they aware?

Was that something that, like, you had given anyone notice about that?

Yeah, they knew, because once I was kind of, like, letting them know, you know, I had worked for this company for a while, and so I had told them when things were going on because we were all, you know, close what was happening.

So I was like, you're not going to believe this, like, my whole, like, I can't read my text messages.

And, you know, so they were like, well, do what you got to do, you know, whatever.

So I took some time off.

I got devices.

I learned how to see through these devices.

And so I was like, yeah, grooving.

I'm back.

You know, I went back to work.

I had these big giant screens, and, you know, we made all these accommodations.

What happened was, when I got to my job, I would say, and this is before remote working.

Remote was part of our culture.

Not most of the companies still weren't doing remote.

I had.

I couldn't drive at night, of course.

You know, I had got these bioptics that allowed me to do driving, not highway driving.

I couldn't do nighttime driving, and I had limitations on, you know, screen time and things like that.

Just to make a long story short, when I got back to work, I wasn't.

It wasn't very well received because of the accommodations.

Or did you, did you feel like you were, like the old version of you, like, working and doing the things that you were doing, or did you also notice that you weren't able to do some of the functions that you needed to?

I will say that when you're working with numbers and you have all these different spreadsheets, right, when you're giving a presentation and you're saying, okay, here's the number.

This is my forecast.

And I would stay up late at night and prepare everything, and then they would say, okay, well, tell me what it was last year.

Week two, day four and five.

Well, for someone who has a vision impairment, it's going to take me.

So I'm standing in front of all these people, and then my anxiety starts to get up, and I'm, like, trying to figure it out.

Oh, you know, people start doing that.

And so it created this unsafe culture for me, and I ended up.

It was.

It was very.

So that was.

Started my slow descent.

Right.

Emotionally, because I came back ready to rock and roll.

And then when I didn't get the response that I thought I was going to get, and I started feeling myself start to descend, so I went on disability.

What does that do to your psyche?

No.

Well, I was told that I couldn't do the job.

And then I asked, well, what can I do?

And they were like, well, you can't even work in the mail room.

Cause you can't see the mail, you know?

So it was really very traumatic.

Yeah.

I mean, does that, like, break you?

Cause it sounds like you were pretty confident, and I was going into it.

But I'm telling you, once it got to that moment, I was almost at rock bottom.

Almost.

So it breaks you to a point of, like, you don't like soul searching, essentially, who am I?

What value do I bring to my.

So what does this look like?

If I'm not good enough to work in the mail room, what am I going to, like?

What can I do?

And these are all the questions I was asking myself.

And in the meantime, I'm still a wife.

I'm a mom.

I have these two small children.

And so I'm like, well, let me try the, you know, the housewife and try to do that.

And I tried that, and it wasn't quite me.

And as I started to, like you said, it's just started to go downhill with my mind.

I felt broken inside.

Things that I used to could see, I can no longer see.

I start looking.

Instead of thinking about looking at things from a positive, I just started seeing so many things, you know, like what I couldn't do, you know?

And I think it's hard not to be that way.

I would imagine that a lot of people would feel that way.

Yeah.

And so I got.

I went down to the floor, and I remember I was on the bathroom floor, and I was like, what's my purpose?

Like, you know?

And I just.

I just didn't feel like I was even worthy to be here, to be honest.

And so I was like, you know, this is it.

Like, maybe that's just it.

And that's when I heard God say, get up.

Truly.

And so I was like, okay.

And so I got up, I looked in the mirror.

I didn't recognize myself at all.

I was like, you know, dirty hair, you know?

Cause when you're depressed, you don't.

You don't take care of yourself.

You don't.

And I didn't recognize.

I truly didn't.

And so the one thing.

The first thing I did when I was like, all right.

I heard God tell me to get up, let me shower, you know, so I just went and kind of, like, cleansed, washed my hair.

And then I heard God say, write a book.

And so I was like, okay.

And before that, let me tell you.

Let me tell you what I said.

I said, God, tell me what you want me to do, and I will do it.

Not only will I not get on that floor, I will help as many people as I can to not get on that floor.

And then he said, write a book.

Was this, like, your first experience in which you actually heard of, like, a yemenite voice of God of telling you, like, or helping you along?

Or was this something that, like, you've always kind of communed in that way and always heard stuff?

So, honestly, I had been going to church since I was a little girl, and I thought that hearing the voice of God was only for pastors and things like that.

So I did not know that I would even be in a position to be able to hear a voice.

You know what I mean?

I don't know.

I thought it was just for pastors because I would hear it at church, you know, God said, or, you know, something like that.

So when I heard that voice, and it was clear as day, and then when I heard, you know, write a book, I said, okay, that's it.

You know, I watched my hair and I said, I'm gonna write a book.

Was this ever something on your list?

This is, like, not on my list.

Totally brand new.

But what I will say is, when I went back to go look in my garage and I looked at some of my old, like, things from when I was a little girl.

Yeah.

I found in middle school a book called from my heart, mind, body and soul by Terrace Marie Rochelle Smith.

That was my name.

So that's what I saw.

And I was like, oh, my God.

And I did not remember writing that, right?

So when it was like, this book is about blah, blah, blah.

So it was like I was trying to get, you know, I guess it was something in me that I didn't even realize that was there.

And then I told you I had a journalism scholarship to go to Florida A and M university.

And so I guess it was just something I was keeping buried that I just didn't, you know, bring to life.

But I sure heard it when I was in the shower.

So when I heard that you, you know, I'm approaching 40, and I'm like, all right.

So I sit in front of my computer in front of this blank piece of paper, or, you know, I got a big old screen that likes this big.

And so I'm, like, looking at it, I'm like, you know, got my magnification on at 800.

So, like, you're like, what do I do?

What do I do?

You know?

Because I told you my career and everything was in business.

It's so in fashion, it's like, what?

Yeah.

Like, how he could have at least told you what kind of book to write.

And so let me tell you about the conflict.

Right?

Yeah.

And so I was like, does this mean I suppose I write christian literature?

Like, I don't know.

You know what I mean?

So I didn't quite know.

Or your story.

I would imagine a lot of people would feel that compelled to tell your story.

But you know what I did?

I just opened my mind, and that's when I started hearing these characters talk to me.

And so then they were like, you know, going on these adventures and doing all these things, and a lot of them come from broken places, you know?

And so I just started writing, and literally, I haven't stopped.

That was Juneteenth 2020.

I write every single day.

I published my first novel.

What a great day to start, too.

Oh, and I didn't even realize it was Juneteenth.

Juneteenth.

This was Covid, right?

This was during COVID Everybody was on lockdown, and so my air conditioner wasn't working in the house.

It was just crazy, right?

And then I'm, like, super sweaty and hot, and so I'm like, you know, waiting on God to tell me what to do.

And so then I was like, you know what?

This is silly.

Like, I don't know.

And so then I was like, okay, google play Beyonce.

You know, I just wanted to hear some beyonce to see what was going on.

Yeah, who doesn't?

And then the song that came on was Black Parade.

And so she had released that on Juneteenth.

So that's when, you know, I said, okay, well, God's going to use Beyonce to talk to me.

Then let me go ahead and just.

And then I started moving my fingers and looking at my big screen.

And like I said, I started writing, and I just have not stopped.

And I write women's crime, of all things, fiction.

I write fiction.

Novels.

Yes.

And love it.

I love.

I love what I do.

Do you ever think that, like, maybe, like, this was just pushed down because you had a.

You had your sight, you had your hear, you had all the things, so you could kind of go after all those things in your childhood that you love to do, and this was just, like, something you could do.

And now that you had some limitations in some of the things that you were doing, now you were able to hear the voices of your characters and the other things, because you gotta speak it.

That is exactly.

And that's why I said, you know what it.

So as I journeyed through, especially with writing, I became more.

And even before the writing, let me just rewind a little bit.

I was exploring, trying to figure out, like, I told you, like, who I was, what, you know, but I did notice I started smelling things, spelling, you know, the way things smelled affected me differently.

Touch, you know, because when you don't have your sight, you start depending on other senses.

And so being able to hone in on those other things really helps me with my writing.

I talk a lot about smells, touching, and, you know, all of that.

And so these are things that you can take for granted, you know, or at least I took for granted, but.

I think most of us do.

Mm hmm.

But then once, you know, you lose your, you know, certain sense.

And like I said, I have my peripheral, but I don't have my central vision, which, I mean, anything you look at, you know, for me, it's just a.

Is gone.

So the way that I feel and the way that I see it just, it allows me to be able to pour that into my art.

And so I wrote a couple screenplays as well.

I played around with some.

Some poetry, and, I mean, everything just started coming out of me.

So it was bottled up.

It was bottled up for a while.

I mean, I.

And still, I'm just continuously coming up with new ideas, coming up with new stories, and I do voice to text, you know?

Is that how you write your books mostly, or.

I'll use, like I told you, I magnify, like, 800 on my big screen.

I'm doing this because it's, like, huge.

And so I'll have, like, big words, but I'm.

When I.

In my beginning stages, I like to talk, you know, and then just let it type it out and then I hear it back.

In retrospect, I was like, I was always a listener when it came to, even when I used to.

I told you, I used to be in plays in high school and in college, and I would learn my scripts through listening.

I would record my voice, and then I would listen to it.

And so it all kind of makes sense now.

It was all leading me to this one moment in which I was able to get up off that floor, really listen and then really hear, and then hear God and to just be obedient to what he told me to do.

And so my life mission now is to inspire others, because, like I said, I just, being on that floor, I don't want anyone to feel that, and I want people to know that.

It's never, ever too late.

It's never too late.

You can achieve whatever it is you put your mind to.

I mean, who knew I would have been writing stories?

I never, ever.

If you would have said this to me, even though, like, I told you when I was a little girl, I used to do those things but I had forgot.

I mean, I didn't even remember that I had done all of that until I was just going through some of my old stuff.

But if someone would have said, you're gonna be a writer, I'd be like, ha ha ha.

You know, that's funny.

Even though my grandma, I remember asking my grandmother, she was a nurse, and I said, if there was anything that you could do, if it wasn't nursing, what would it be?

And she was like, I would have been a writer.

That's what my grandma said.

I thought it was the cutest thing ever, but now I'm like, see, I just believe all these things that was happening.

It's all spiritual.

It was just going into my spirit.

Are you someone that believes that you had to hit that bathroom floor to find this new journey for you, or do you think it would have been possible had you not reached the depths that you did?

That's a really good question, you know, I don't know, because all I can say is, I was on that floor, so.

And that was.

Sometimes we don't listen until we get to that, you know?

Like, sometimes we don't hear the things that we need to hear until we hit that bottom, if you will.

And, I mean, a lot of times, I've never heard anyone just say, oh, I was happy yesterday, and then today I'm on the floor.

I mean, it's typically dissent, you know, that.

You know, first you find yourself in the bed sleeping, you know, or, you know, you just find yourself just sitting on the couch first.

And then, you know, it's just.

It happens in stages.

And so for me to, you know, like you said, I went through all those stages.

I mean, I can sit here and just remember the tiredness, the feel, you know, the feeling that I had until I ended up on the floor, you know?

And there's nowhere lower than that, other than death, you know?

Does that.

Looking back at those moments, does that make you celebrate where you are now even more so?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

I mean, even if, you know.

And how do I say this?

Prior to that, I never thought, and I hope this comes out properly, but I never thought that I would be a person that would end up on the floor, if that makes sense, because I was like, oh, I didn't been through so much.

Like, you know, my mom left when I was a little girl.

I didn't have a dad.

I da da da da.

Like, I did that, been there, done that, you know?

And I was kind of, like, approaching life in this way to where I didn't think that I was capable of my mind getting to that point.

Turns out you're a human, too, right?

I mean, that's it.

We can't predict anything.

You can't.

You can't, you know, and you have to kind of just move through, like you said, with, like, when you can, you find these silver linings in a moment.

And even if it is, I showered today.

Like, if you're in that space, and it's like, I made a meal for the family today, you celebrate the little things.

Eventually, we can pull ourselves out.

Kind of interesting.

The episode that came out today, the day that we're recording this, was a gentleman, Chad foster, who at about in his twenties, he lost his vision completely.

And what he told.

Told me was that it was like this at his point in life.

Now it's like a gift that was presented to him in the ugliest wrapping paper that he's ever seen, because it opened his mind to things that he never even considered that he could do.

And now that he didn't have that one thing that so many other people do have, he was able to achieve even more than if we would just assume that we should have.

Like you said, kind of just, like, we just take for granted these things.

And now he's living out loud and, like, taught himself to ski and do all these things that I'm like, I don't even want to.

Like, I can't even imagine doing that.

And so, like, I.

I think we.

Until we hit these points, I mean, I wish we could learn before, but sometimes we have to hit these points where we're like, oh, this is the good part.

You know?

Like, these are the things.

And even in my sense, like, losing my mom, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, a child or anything.

But now that I look back, now that I'm in my forties and I look back at that experience, it taught me so much, all the things that came from, that made me the person that I am today.

And so to your point of finding that silver lining, finding the good in the bad things, is something that we could all practice a little bit more, I think.

Yes.

And I think that it helps.

You know, I love that you have this platform because it allows people to see that I'm not the only one.

Right?

Because when I was going through my vision, when I was losing my vision and when I woke up and could see, I felt that no one could relate to what I was going through.

And so you mentioned.

What's his name?

Chad.

Chad Foster.

Yeah.

I watched it, and so I said, oh, my God, because he went to Harvard.

I mean, he did all these amazing things, and seeing that motivated me.

Right.

A legally blind woman.

And I'm seeing this man talk about all these wonderful things that he's doing and the things that he's accomplished, and so it motivated.

He's a public speaker.

So I'm, like, taking notes.

What else could I do?

You know what I'm saying?

Taking notes.

And so.

And that's what your platform did for me.

So that's what the hope is as we have these conversations.

And hopefully someone will be able to watch it.

And even if they're not legally blind or whatever, haven't had my experience.

Well, if they feel themselves, like I'm saying, going to the floor, it's like, you can stop yourself before you get there.

And like you said, celebrate those small wins.

And I'm going to tell you what else.

I got therapy.

It's a good thing.

It's helpful.

I got professional help.

You know, once I got up and I was like, okay, I can't do this alone, you know, I need some help.

And so I do that with no shame.

I talk about that all the time.

I thank my therapist.

In my book, you know, she got a special acknowledgement line because she said, are you okay?

And first I was like, yeah, I'm good.

And then I was like, no, I'm not.

That right there, that's.

That's the important step, I think, is when we can admit to ourselves that we're not okay, and that's okay to not be okay, because, again, we're human, and life will hit you in all sorts of ways.

We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow.

And so, like, it's okay to not be okay.

And I love that, that you found therapy and you found someone that would listen to you unbiased, not that our family around us.

Oh, absolutely.

They want to hear us, but they're not listening to us in the same way as, like, a therapist, a third party might, you know, and absolutely, sometimes we just need to be able to say the thing, and maybe we skirt around the issue with the people we love because we don't want them to be worried about us.

But, yeah, I'm glad that you brought up therapy.

I think it's so important, and I think we're, you know, in 2024, I think maybe people.

It's not like a stigma, maybe as much as it used to seem like it, if you admitted you were going to therapy, they were like, what's wrong with you?

And you can go to therapy and nothing's wrong with you, you know?

Absolutely, absolutely.

So I love that that helped you in that way.

Tell me a little bit more about, like, your first book and how you got it to publishing.

Like, okay, like, what does that journey look like for you in this new version of Taris?

Yes.

So, as I said, I wrote, and I started writing.

I was like, oh, my God.

I kind of got, you know, I'm googling.

I'm going to YouTube university, and I'm doing all these things, trying to teach myself.

And so I'm like, I kind of came up with a little idea, and I'm like, okay, this feels right, you know?

So I start sending out my manuscript to different publishers, and this editor is like, you need a writing coach.

I'm like, what?

Say what?

Like, I can't get this published.

Like, let's go.

You know, it's just like, yeah, there are some key elements that you need in order to make a novel, you know?

So I call this man.

He's my Yoda, my literary Yoda.

And so I hired a writing coach named Pallister.

He's amazing.

And so he basically, he was a professor for 30 years.

So even though he's a writing coach now, he was a teacher at heart.

And so I was a fast learner, and I was, like, soaking in all the information.

And so he just took me to school, you know, just teaching me scene development, character development and all the things.

And so it took maybe about a good 90 days for me to revamp my whole manuscript.

And he said, well, this looks good.

Like, you know, he couldn't.

We couldn't believe it, right?

And so he was like, let's just do a test and see what happens and see if you can get an agent.

And so I sent it out and, you know, to six different agents, and then one of them I actually, you know, got.

And within a year, I had my first, like, publishing deal.

It's crazy.

Yeah.

And so that's.

How does that make you feel when you get that, like, yes, you had a publishing deal?

You know, I couldn't.

It was.

It was.

I was able to sit in it, you know, and it was so.

It was such a beautiful, beautiful moment for me.

Did that feel different than the other wins in your life?

Oh, my goodness.

You're asking the most wonderful questions.

I would say yes, because once you've gone to that bottom place and once you do something and realize it, that it's not about me, right?

Because as you.

As I said, and I want to make sure I'm saying it's right, but it's not going to be perfect.

But, you know, I was chasing the money originally, and, you know, I had a career, and as you can see, what happened was I still hit rock bottom, right?

So it's like, all the money and all the things that I had, it didn't even matter.

So once I figured out and found something that gave me a purpose where, you know, and I say, even if someone doesn't buy black Pearl, if I can help someone not get on the floor, if I can be, you know, some.

Or if I can help or just someone hearing my voice or hearing my story can help them in some way, then I've done my job, right?

So getting published was the icing on the cake, because when God told me to write, I didn't know where it was gonna lead me.

Right.

I didn't know if it was just gonna be.

I'm just gonna write just for fun.

And even though you said, write a book, you know, I didn't know exactly what.

Where it was gonna take me.

Right.

So when I was telling, you know, friends and family, like, what my book was about, it was like, that sounds like a movie.

And actually, I did get a movie deal, but I turned it down.

That's a whole nother story.

But, yeah.

Like, it was.

Everything was just right.

It just felt right.

And it definitely was just a beautiful moment.

And more so, just about that, I was doing something that I was meant to do, you know, and that.

And realizing, like I said, it is not just for me, and it's not just about me.

You know, I start thinking in terms of legacy, and, you know, it's like, no one can take this from me.

Like, I have a published novel.

Right.

And I have another one that's coming out in January.

Yeah.

And so it's just.

It's just opened the doors and just being true to who.

You know, I'm in a space in this place where I'm being true to who I am, you know, no matter with the imperfections, you know, I talk a lot about that.

No more mask.

You know, taking the mask off.

Yeah.

Living out loud.

Yep.

Cause that's what I was doing for a while.

You know, I was just like, oh, I'm good.

I'm good.

Everything's good.

You know, when it.

To be fair, I think a lot of us were taught, like, society taught us to be that way.

So I don't think it was just you.

Like, I think we're all just like, you don't show your flaws, and you don't show the broken parts.

And, like, I'm sure you understand this now.

Those things are what make us interesting.

Those are the things that make us connect.

Correct.

I can't relate to someone that just got this crazy promotion or some crazy award, but I sure can relate to when they're feeling, like, really crappy and, like, we can talk that through.

And now we both feel like humans together versus, you know, the celebrations that I think growing up, I was always taught, like, you just gotta get the next promotion.

You just need to buy the bigger house.

You just need to get a better car, you know, like, and now it's like you publishing, getting a publishing deal, getting a book published that didn't exist.

Like, that book didn't exist.

Like, you created that from nothing.

Whereas in your.

In your former life, you were just getting the next job that someone else decided what that job looked like, and maybe you made it your own, but you were still kind of following some kind of formula.

This started with a blank page.

Oh.

You know, and you created something that now you can celebrate and sit in and be like.

I mean, it's kind of like, I guess, like having a kid.

Right?

Like, you created that, right?

Absolutely.

So I can see how that would be just, like, so fulfilling in this, like, indescribable way.

Right.

And it felt.

It was like, you know what?

And I don't like to recognize the negativity.

Right.

You know, how people like, you know, tell the haters, blah, blah, blah.

I don't really like to do that, but, like, I don't even like to give it energy.

But I will say that, you know, I did have a moment.

Like, I remember when I was told that I couldn't even work in the mail room, you know.

Hey, but that's funny because you also said you listened to, I don't.

Wouldn't call them haters, but you listened to someone that was like, you need a writing coach.

Like, that's.

That that could be seen in your previous world.

Like, you're not good enough.

Right?

But you took it as, no, you're right.

I could use this.

You know, like, so there's a.

There's a flip in the way you described your former life and the things that you were doing and how you approached that.

So even that you, like, gave it air and you.

And it helped you.

So.

Very true.

There's that element to that.

I mean, congratulations on first book, but also congratulations on upcoming book.

That's so cool.

Thank you so much.

Are you just going to keep, like, banging them out?

Like, yeah.

So Black Pearl is my first one, and I'm coming up on the one year anniversary, and then I have the Empress creed that's coming out in January.

And then that following November, I have one called Black Juliet that's coming out.

I guess that's what happens when you write every day.

Yes.

I told you, I just couldn't stop.

You know, I started writing, and I.

One of the things I know I will say that I had to learn also is I went too far on the.

On that end, because when I was writing every day, I wasn't sleeping, you know, so I started going too far over because I was like, oh, I got to get it done.

I gotta get.

Because to be honest, for a minute, I was scared that I was gonna lose it, right?

Because I was like, where is this even coming from?

Like, all of this, like, ideas.

And, you know, it was like, that makes sense.

Space in place for me, and I truly was scared that I was gonna maybe lose it.

I was like, well, what if it goes away?

So I was just like, you know, wasn't sleeping.

I'm walking around like a zombie, you know, wasn't getting any sleep.

And so I had to then, you know, find a balance and be able to be present, you know, for my kids and my husband and, you know, making sure that I have work hours and, you know, do all the things and treat it, you know, like a career, like a job.

Right.

But still.

But still.

Now, don't get me wrong.

You know, there may be times when, you know, like, I'm working on this new baby, and it's a little western, and so, you know, if she starts, like, talking to me in my sleep, I have to get up and just, you know, write down what she's saying real quick, and then I'll get back into bed, you know, so that does.

That is part of the, you know, because I want things to happen, you know, naturally.

But also, I hope I'm making sense, just finding that balance, making sure I'm not going too far to where I'm depriving myself of, you know, sleep and all the things that you need in order to make sure you stay healthy.

Yeah, that's important.

Otherwise, you won't be able to write any more books if you're not healthy.

So you need to.

Oh, my goodness.

You need to find that balance.

Do your kids or your husband say anything about who you are now compared to who you were before?

Did they notice a difference.

Are you different?

Mmm.

Like, are you more joyful because you're kind of living in this space or.

Yeah, you know what?

Or they're just like your mom.

I was gonna try to separate it, but, yeah, like, with my kids, I just feel like, you know, I'm mom.

I hit a lot, you know?

So they didn't really, like, they hear.

They know now.

I mean.

Cause they hear me talking.

They've seen some of my podcasts.

They're like, mommy, we didn't know you were on the floor.

Like, you know.

So then I try to be open with them and say, mom, just like I talked to you.

But I make it age appropriate.

But I say, you know, mommy wasn't being.

You know, mommy wasn't feeling well, and, you know.

So now I make sure that if I'm tired or something's going on, I don't just say, oh, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

It's like, mommy, take a nap.

You're teaching them.

I mean, they're seeing that, and that's gonna be great for them as adults.

Yes, I'm telling you.

And that's.

Again, taking that mask off in all forms.

And my husband reads my work, and he's supportive.

Does he tell you when it's not good?

Is it ever not good?

It's not good.

I knew you were gonna say that.

Somehow I knew that.

No, no, no, no.

I'm my worst critic.

And to be honest, I don't really give him, like, I don't tell him.

You're just like, read it.

Don't tell me what to say about it.

No, no, no.

I take his feedback, but it's like, I usually wait until I'm at a good space and place to be able to, like, when I know that I've already done it, you know?

Cause it's like I can kind of feel it where, you know, it's like, ooh, this feels good, you know?

So then that's usually when I share, because I am the only child, right?

So sometimes I like my me time.

And so, you know, I get kind of, like, in this little beautiful space and place where, you know, I create.

And not all those ideas are good, and I know that.

Right.

But it's just fun to just play around, you know, and just see.

Because sometimes something beautiful may come out of it, you know?

So I don't.

I don't always share all those little things with him until it gets to the point where I feel comfortable to get, like, feedback, where it's like, you know, what do you think about this versus that, you know, especially if I write from a male perspective, you know, so I'm, like, helpful.

Yeah.

You know, so sounds like you know what you're doing.

I'm trying.

I'm learning as I go.

Hey, you know, I love to kind of wrap these conversations up with a question, and I'm wondering if you could go back to the terrorists that woke up that day and couldn't see the text messages on her phone and this version of you, what would you want to say to her about this journey that she was about to go on?

If I could go back and talk to myself?

Is that what you're asking?

Yeah.

Like, if you could talk to you knowing what you know now on this journey that you found this joy again.

Yes.

And that.

That terrace that woke up that morning and looked at her phone and didn't see the things she was expecting to see on that phone.

What do you want to say?

I would tell her to be true to herself.

Put faith over fear, and it will be okay.

Just believe in yourself.

It will be okay, Faith.

You know, don't be scared.

You know, Faith, make sure you keep your faith intact and just be true to who you are.

I think I would.

I would, definitely.

And then it's okay.

I think a lot of times, when we're going through things, just hearing that you're okay is important, because a lot of times, that's the part that's the kicker, because you don't feel like you're going to be okay.

You're like, it's so painful.

It's like, I'm not.

I'm not.

It's like, yeah, you may not feel it in this moment, but you're going to be okay.

Like, the sun is gonna come up tomorrow, right?

So you.

She'd probably be like, you did what?

You wrote a book.

You wrote two books.

You wrote a third book.

Oh, my goodness.

Like, I can't.

Even.

When you say, go back, I just felt.

When I looked at that phone, it just took me back to truly, like, I could remember what that feeling lost and just feeling like, what am I gonna do?

And that, you know, I just remember just feeling all over the place, but, you know, just.

Just knowing that, you know, you're going to be all right and to, you know, do not be scared.

And that is that, you know, my anxiety goes up all the time, but it's like, you know, making sure I just have my.

Keep my faith first and just know that, you know, God got you.

Yeah, well, I mean, look where you are.

Like, you did it, you know, and you're still doing it and you're, who knows what the next ten years are going to bring in this journey that you're creating for yourself now and you trust yourself.

So I think, oh, I love that.

Trust yourself.

That is so major, you know, and it's so hard, you know, because you start thinking about, well, I got this due and that due and all these bills, you know, but, you know, God had me and in more ways than one because, you know, I was able to hear his voice.

Thank God.

Thank you, God.

I was able to.

I was able to hear his voice because, you know, sometimes, like you said, people don't get to even hear that.

So I was able to actually hear that and listen and yes, and I made a commitment.

And that's why I'm like, no matter what platform I'm on, I make sure I tell my story and, you know, and make sure that, you know, I give God the glory and also that I want people to know that it's never too late.

I mean, give yourself some of that credit, too.

I think you've done the work you've done a lot.

So if people want to get in your orbit, they want to learn more about your books or connect with you, what's the best way to find you?

Okay, you can find me on social mediarismarie, that's on Facebook and Instagram.

You can go to my website at www.terracemarie.com, or you can go to blackodysy.net dot.

That's where you can see all my books that are going to be coming out as well.

So any of those platforms, you should be able to find me.

We'll definitely put those links in the show notes so people can easily find you and connect with you and read your books and order your books and do all the things and connect with you or even reach out and tell, tell you that you made a difference and what you said connected with them and made them feel less alone.

Because I'm sure that someone listening right now is feeling that way.

And so if you are, I'm sure Taris would love to hear from you and hear that.

So thank you for allowing me to hold this space and have these questions for you and for you to answer them.

Thank you for that.

Thank you.

Thank you for the wonderful questions and thank you for having me.

I truly appreciate you.

Well, thank you.

Thank you for listening.

If something that Tara said resonated with you or you think someone in your life needs to hear this story.

Please share this episode with them.

We would love that and I will say goodbye for now.

I will be back next week with a brand new episode of the Life Shift podcast.

Thanks again Taris.

Thank you.

For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.