Rebuilding a Life You Never Asked to Start Over

00:00 When Ava Jones talks about her life, the word resilience barely scratches the surface. In just a few years, she's faced more than most people do in a lifetime, surviving a devastating accident that took her father's life and left her relearning how to walk and talk, and then being diagnosed with stage four Hodgkin lymphoma. What struck me most about Ava is her lightness in the middle of it all. The way she talks about grief, growth, and gratitude reminds you that life can break you open 00:29 and still make space for hope. We were stopped at a crosswalk and someone on fentanyl was, he was under the influence of fentanyl and he ran three stoplights and going 50 miles per hour, he hit my mom, my dad and I. My little brother was saved. Mom took the brunt and flew 118 feet. My dad and I flew eight feet. I'm Mackelhule and this is The Life Shift. 00:56 candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. 01:11 Hello, my friends. Welcome to the LifeShift Podcast. I am here with Ava. Hello, Ava. Hello. So good to be here. Well, thank you for joining me after your run today. How healthy of you. Yes, no, it was a fun 5K for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. So. OK. So it was was worth it in all sides. Yes, exactly. Well, thank you for wanting to be a part of the LifeShift Podcast. You reached out a couple months ago and 01:40 and mentioned your story and you have multiple life shifts already in your 20, 20-ish years of life. And I wanted to mention that only because there's so many people that I talked to that feel, it feels like the life shift journey was somewhere in the middle of like in their 20s maybe, or maybe a little bit younger than that. But then they've had like. 02:04 20 plus years to reflect on that. So I'm really interested in to see where you are in these journeys of your life shift moment. We won't talk about them just yet, but for anyone that's tuning in to listen to Ava on this podcast, this show starts or began as a school assignment during the pandemic. I got a second master's degree because I was bored and I took a podcasting class. And so I was like, I want to do something that feels right for me. And so I thought of my own personal experience when I was eight. 02:33 my mom was killed in a motorcycle accident. And at the time, my parents were divorced, lived states apart. I lived with my mom full time. So everything about my life was going to change. But because of the time period, nobody was really talking about grief. Nobody was talking about mental health. No one was talking about counselors or therapists or anything like that. And so I just assumed that I had to be OK. And so I pretended I was OK for many years, which then just becomes a snowball of a big hot mess. 03:02 And behind the scenes, I always wonder, do other people have these kind of line in the sand moments in which from one second to the next, everything about their life has changed? And so now I've been on this journey of 200 plus conversations with people around the world about these line in the sand moments that they never could have imagined and somehow they're moving through. 03:28 and finding resilience where they can, however that looks in their own particular life. And so I'm just really honored that you wanted to reach out and be a part and share your story because it's hard. You have multiple parts that are really hard, but I think it's really important because there are other people like you out there that are going through something similar and might feel totally alone. So thank you. Yes, of course. 03:54 Yeah, and I'm sure you felt maybe alone in parts of your journey as well. So before we get into your life shift moment story, maybe you can just, 2025, who is Ava? How do you show up in the world? How do you identify these days? Yes, so I am a college student, a retired student athlete. You know, I just try to do the best I can every day and I switch my... um 04:21 major in journalism, a minor in lifestyle medicine because I want to be a health communicator. Yeah, so I mean, I'm really just so focused on school more than I have ever been. yes. Have you always wanted to be in journalism and health? Journalism? Yes. Health? No. After I got diagnosed, I uh was like, okay, I want to find out what... 04:49 can prevent this from happening to anybody else. you know, our life stories and these life shift moments often for people are the things that trigger us into new passions, new purpose, new, you know, things that we can move through the world a little bit differently. So I'd love to kind of hear what Ava was like. 05:12 leading up to that first life shift moment. And you can go back as far as you need to, to kind of paint the picture of your family life or whatever makes the most sense to show that before version. Yes, it was very like when you think of athletes or, you know, it was just a very like, pictured family. It was just, we are from Kansas, my brothers and I were, I have two brothers, one older and he's 24, one younger, he's 14. 05:41 At the time, I was 17. My youngest brother was 10. And then, I don't know, the math. He's four years older than me. Good family life? Yes, it was great. My dad was our track coach growing up. And my parents both were collegiate athletes and met at their school. That was just predestined for the three of you to be athletes. Yes. So you were the typical like, 06:08 Monday nights we do this, Tuesday nights we do this, and then your brother does this. And so everyone, your parents were shuttling you around the entire town. Exactly, yes. Good thing our town only has 900 people in it. So it's very small. But yes, so they were taking us around to everything. that was our life. That was my life. Basketball, volleyball, track. I really didn't like volleyball. And then I was good track. I won state and track. 06:37 I just did it because I loved winning and I could do it. and then basketball was my passion. It was my, going to hopefully, or I thought hopefully it would be my forever home, like basketball would be. And then I committed to the University of Arizona State University, my sophomore year of high school. And then with some coaching changes, they didn't offer my scholarship anymore. So I went back to reopening my, 07:08 recruitment after like five official visits I came into the University of Iowa Which at the time it wasn't best girls basketball wasn't as big as it was but Caitlin was still here and Caitlin Clark was one of my teammates and I Don't know like I was just really excited I was excited to come here and play with them and Create a difference in the way people view women's basketball. Yeah. No, I mean it sounds like 07:37 like an idyllic kind of life. Did you, I know you said you hated or you didn't love volleyball and you just did track because you like to win. Did you feel any pressure to be a winner or? I had, like I said, my older brother, he was super athletic. Yeah, he was super athletic and growing up and I always wanted to be him. So when he started riding the bike at seven, then I started riding the bike with no training wheels on at three. 08:07 So I was always trying to keep up with him. And that's just how, like, So it was like a friendly kind of competition and wasn't, no? No. No, not friendly. No. OK. No, we always were playing, like, basketball in our driveway. And it got pretty, pretty gross sometimes. So, yeah. Well, I guess that's kind of like siblings do, right? In other ways, if they're not athletes, they probably... 08:33 fight in different ways. Yes, exactly. are competitive, you know, playing board games or whatever it may be. Were you competitive in all aspects of your life? Everything. So there was never a dull moment. Yeah. And so your younger brother is six years younger than you. So he's probably not as competitive because he was so far removed. Yes, exactly. But he's getting, he's 14 now, so he's getting more competitive. Right. So he gets like the milestones that he hears of his older brother and sister and we're like, OK. 09:03 I'm gonna beat those. All right, yes, yes. Well, I mean, it sounds like you had a uh good life going for you. Yes. I mean, something that I'm sure a lot of kids dream of to actually get a scholarship to do what you want to do and what you love to do in a school that has someone that is coming up, maybe at the time, or was she already? Yeah, she was coming, she was, yeah, it was her sophomore. 09:33 sophomore, no, junior year when I committed. And then I played with, or I was on the team her senior year. That's awesome. Yeah, so that, mean, it sounds like you're kind of living this quote unquote dream life that a teenager might have. Yes. So what continued in that journey? Like, where did that take you? So I committed to the University of Iowa and then July, July 2nd. 10:00 I committed to the University of Iowa June, I went on my visit. July 2nd committed. Then I went to Louisville for an A.U. basketball tournament with my family. My older brother wasn't there. He was at a college doing the decathlon, doing track. But we were all there and the 4th of July was the thing I remembered. We went to the river in Louisville and we watched fireworks with my whole family and my dad and mom and 10:29 Little brother my dad and little brother rode on a bird scooter together my mom and I had our own and it was just you know, it was just a Dream like it was just amazing and I got to do what I loved and I was so excited My dad was there. My mom was there my little brother is here to watch me play and one of the biggest tournaments I've ever played in run for the roses and July 5th we it was at 5 p.m. And I don't remember the Sun start like I 11:00 because I feel like I've lived it, relived it, you know, a lot of times. So, 5 p.m., we were walking to go get dinner. And it was around 6, we were stopped at a crosswalk and someone on fentanyl, he was under the influence of fentanyl, and he ran three stoplights and going 50 miles per hour, he hit my mom, my dad, and I. My little brother was saved, my mom took the brunt and flew 118 feet. 11:29 My dad and I flew eight feet, the windshield, yeah, hitting the windshield a little harder than my mom. And my little brother didn't, like I said, didn't get hit. And he had his phone and he called my grandma back in Kansas. And again, we're in Louisville at a tournament. He called my grandma and he was like, grandma, we just got hit by a car. And he FaceTimed her and kind of showed her. 11:57 you know, not like showed her my mom and me, but he was just, there's a lot of people around him at the time too. So then she called my AAU owner, like AAU club owner, and then one thing after another, everybody was there. They thought the cops thought the ambulance thought my mom wasn't gonna make it. And then, 12:23 They were very skeptical in all of us, my dad, my mom, and me. There was luckily a cop that was off duty, but he was working right across the street, or he was getting lunch or dinner right across the street. And he came and turned a camera on my mom's leg and saved her life. Then they took us to the Louisville Trauma Hospital, which very thankful that they had a trauma hospital. 12:53 And you don't remember any of this, right? No. No. But I have, you know, told... You've heard the story. I've heard about it, yes. Because you were unconscious or just out of shock? I was unconscious. My mom and I, I was in a coma for 10 days, a medically induced coma, and my mom was in a medically induced coma for 13 days. She had 22 broken bones and 18 surgeries at the time. So, or 17. And then she had... 13:21 Her leg wasn't healing the right way and so she had to another surgery after we got her to the hospital. So she's had 19 total surgeries now and I've had six. July 7th, they pronounced my dad dead and my dad donated his liver, his kidneys and saved three people's lives. And so they knew he wasn't gonna make it and... 13:50 my older brother had to make that decision. He lives in us all the time. He died doing something he loved, supporting his children in their sports or in their fan activities. So, I don't know, think he a little, I mean, a piece of him always lives in me. And I get told all the time, you remind me a lot of your dad, you remind me a lot of your dad. Well, it's because we spent so much time together. I'm so sorry that you had to experience that because it's not just 14:20 I mean, it's not just one thing, right? It's you yourself got severely injured, your mother got severely injured, your father lost his life, and here you are, you're not even, you're in the medically induced coma while they have to pronounce him dead, right? So when you get out of that coma, now you're facing all of that. Do you remember that? I had a severe traumatic brain injury and I... 14:48 relearn how to walk and talk and cognitively function again, which is why school is so hard for me. don't, well, it is hard, but it might be because my division one college or maybe, I don't know, but. Or you're just a regular person that finds college hard. Yes, exactly. Yeah. That's what I'm telling myself every day. I'm like, it's all right. 15:12 It's okay. It is. You're doing it. else feels, yes. You are doing it and that's really all that matters. Yes, exactly. I just can't imagine waking up and facing all that. But did you have the, did you have, I know you had to relearn all these things. Did you have the cognitive awareness to know what was going on? No, I didn't. had, I hurt my, or I didn't break anything. Well, except I fractured my wrist right here. This is my dad. He was third. That was the thing. 15:42 I fractured my wrist right here and I had to wear a splint and I didn't know why I was in the hospital so I just took it off every night. And the nurses did not like me at all. They did, loved me but they did not like me doing that. That's really challenging. Yeah, it's still not healed but fractures are the worst. They take the longest to heal. But I have had six surgeries. 16:09 from them, but they couldn't give me any surgeries at the moment because my trach brain injury was so bad and they, if they put me under, I probably wouldn't wake up. I've had ACL, PCL, MCL, bup, menisci on my right knee, and ACL, PCL, LCL, MCL, meniscus on my left knee, which is an athlete's worst nightmare. Carrying your ACL, worst nightmare. Even, not everything else. And my AC joint was separated grade four and I had a broken collarbone. 16:39 on my shoulder. And then I have double vision. I hit my fourth eye nerve in the accident and I couldn't see straight at all. until I got to the University of Iowa, the year after the accident is when I had my first eye surgery. So I couldn't really, I was blind. I saw double, double of everything. 17:05 traumatizing in itself, I'm sure. miserable. Yeah, trying to complete high school with that was, yeah. Do you find that all those injuries and the TBI and all the things you were facing, did that kind of pause the ability to grieve losing your father? Or did you feel it at the same time? I'm picturing like it almost gives you this reprieve, but then when it hits, it hits hard. Hard. 17:34 Yes, good question. Right after, my traumatic brain injury kind of affects my head, obviously my brain. And so I couldn't, I didn't really have any emotions. Had no, I was just like stale, like there was nothing. I no emotions for a year and a half, two years. And then, or I don't know, my grandma was my mom's mom, stayed with us. 18:01 The whole time we were in Louisville, 44 days in the hospital, she stayed with us and she noticed she was around me all the time. She took me to every basketball tournament. I played an except for Louisville. She could see that I was acting like a lot different for a lot of time. And she was like, well, you just got your, like you've gotten your emotions back. Like you're emotional and that's good. 18:28 Like, your emotions came back. She just told me that this year. And I'm like, thanks. Like, I've been working really hard. I mean, that was a big part. So when you, have you started to grieve losing your father? Yes. What is that like for you? Yeah, that's a hard... Because it took me 20 plus years, honestly, because I didn't have any tools. So I'm curious how your experience was. Yeah. Well, I've been in therapy for two years. 18:59 So, or three years, but my traumatic brain injury specialist, two years. And that has just changed my life 180 degrees. I now whenever I get into therapy, we're there for an hour. I'm crying the whole hour. Like it's just, you know, I'm finding things. Yeah, I'm finding something in me to grieve like, or to have that emotion to be able to grieve. I have a girlfriend now who 19:28 I've with Madinah a year and a half and she is very close with my family. And so she is always there for me and I feel like comfortable with her. being open. show my emotion. yes. That's, big for, I mean, I don't mean to be ageist here, but it's big for someone your age to be fully involved with their emotions. Were you that way before? 19:56 The accident it was basketball. Okay, like that's all I ever so you just cried when you lost Yeah, I mean, yeah No, I didn't cry. I just was really upset and I was like, oh, how can I do better? How can I do better? Yeah. Yeah No, and then I mean to complicate You're injured, right? So now you have to relearn to do everything and then you now have to figure out what life is like without your father, which is 20:26 really challenging when you're close to a parent and have to figure all that out. But then we add to the layer of this is now your body is not functioning in a way to do the thing you love the most, right? Like, what is, is that grief like immense? Like, what is that? I mean, I don't mean to like pile on some grief here, but it's hard because there's so many layers to a single accident, some guy's stupid mistake. 20:54 has changed the trajectory of your family's life and then your life? Yes. Basketball, like I said, was my life and was the love of my life. That's what I did. I trained, I don't know, four times a week. Too much? Yeah, too much. But I would always, if I wasn't training, my dad and my mom both worked in the school district and I would take their keys, unlike the high school. 21:24 and go and shoot for three hours. Okay, just three hours. that's just where I felt like I could release all my emotions and that was my place. It was your therapy. Yes, exactly. And then I didn't have it anymore and not just really I was like, oh my gosh, how am I gonna do this? And I'm not gonna say like it was, it was just straight to therapy, whatever. No, I was suicidal and that's what 21:53 made my mom schedule me a therapy appointment, like get a therapist because I called 9-8-8 and my mom was like, you need, yes, thank you. You need to do something. Like you need to go talk to somebody because it's obviously here at home, it's not enough for you. Like, you know, and that's okay. Like that's all right. I mean, good mom there too. I mean, good on you for calling the service that's available to you and being open about it now. 22:24 I would imagine a lot of people that have been in situations like yours would feel the same. And it's great that you chose to make that call. And were you open to the therapy and all that stuff? Yeah. I love my therapist. It's like my home. Let's cry. Let's go. Yes. Yes. And it's not like I was thinking I would go to college and then I would never. 22:53 experienced that again, the grief or the suicidal thoughts or anything. But that's, and I'm eight and a half hours away from home. And that's where my freshman and sophomore year, it hit the hardest. And so then thankfully I have a traumatic brain disease therapist here. And I just felt confident, comfortable with her. And, you know, I... 23:22 I, yeah, I mean, I'm probably a very difficult patient, not difficult, like she doesn't want me to, you know, but I'm just, she's always worried about me. so- That's okay. That's all right, yes. That means you need her and yeah, exactly. So you're not a difficult patient, you're just complex. needing patient, yes. You're complex. You've had a lot of trauma stacked on top of itself. 23:52 and you just gotta wade through it. mean, as you were recovering physically and mentally and all the pieces, was part of your goal to try to get back or were you told from the start that you won't and you're like, damn it, I will? Yeah, I was told that after my ACL surgery, or my, not ACL, but knee surgeries. Right. The 500,000 things wrong with your knees. Yes. 24:19 And I knew from the start I should be a surgeon because I knew from the start I needed surgery. He was like, you're probably never going to play basketball again. And I was like, oh no, I can. My body can do crazy things. It survived the accident. I can do it. And then I had the idea of like, hey, I'll be back. then people were telling me, yeah, you can come back. But they didn't know how hard, how miserable my knees felt all the time. 24:49 and how it was so scary to be like, because I was a very physical basketball player. And so I hit my head quite a bit. so I couldn't- Can't do that again. Can't do that. No, no. And so I was my freshman year, I like, I talked to our head coach, Bluter, and I was like, I'm just returing this year and I'll come back. You know, I'll be back. She was like, okay. She's like, yeah. 25:18 I think she didn't she thought I wasn't gonna cuz she saw me they came to Louisville and she saw me after the accident I think she knew I was never gonna come back but That's just a hard pill to swallow and then after I'm medically retired did not touch a basketball for a year Really? Yeah, so Yeah, I was you picked it up again though to play fun. Yes for fun. Yes, I am 25:44 I'm falling back in love with the game and even though I know I'm never gonna compete at the level that I was competing at, it's just fun. Like it was just my, like, you know, it was my therapy. I just love shooting baskets and I mean dribbling and working hard. So. Do you feel like you're still as competitive as you were before? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I feel like a little more. uh Cause you feel like you have something to prove. 26:10 Yeah, my older brother has also won three, four national championships and track. So I feel little... Listen, you did a fun 5K today. Hey, you know what? Yeah, and my mom still beat me. It was only a 37 minute 5K, but... Hey, you did it. Yeah, I know, I did it. It's a lot. And this was three years ago, right? This three and half? July 5th, 2022. Yeah. And so since then, you've... 26:39 I mean, we've just talked about like you're recovering from a TBI. had, did you say nine surgeries? Eight? Six. Six surgeries. mom had 19. Your mom had 19, so I got that number there. And then you've, so you've learned to walk again and talk again and do all the like think again in the order that makes the most sense for you. But now, but then you face something else. So it's like, you didn't have enough trauma. 27:07 universe is going to stack something on you. what happened there? So I moved in to the University of Iowa, the summer of July 2023. And then after I moved here, like I just got really itchy. I was miserable. I was tired all the time. And then everybody like I was on antidepressant. And then I thought, oh, I can stop taking it now that I'm at college. And then 27:33 My trachmere brain injury specialist was like, oh, well, you're so itchy because of trachmere brain injuries. need like antidepressants help calm that nerve or something in your mind. So it's just, I mean, it's your trachmere brain injury is why you're so itchy. And then I would believe that, like I did, I mean, she's a doctor. Like I obviously I was like, okay, yes. Like that could be, that was. 27:59 Could be a reason. You know better than me, doctor. Yes, she does. Yes. And so I went, and it's not just her, I went and seen, I was at the doctor's. I had PT, OT three times a week. Every week. So I saw the doctors a lot. I went to Germany to watch my brother compete, do the catheter and a throat cup, and it was miserable. I was so itchy, so tired. It was miserable. And then it was... 28:28 January of 2024 when I noticed this lump growing on my neck. And then I was like, oh, I'm too athletic. I'm too young for this to be anything. It's probably just, I don't know, probably just something. I don't know. Not bad. Can't be bad. I'm too athletic for that. And young. Yeah. Oh, sorry. January 2025, not 2024. Okay. Yes. 28:56 And then I called my old physical therapist and I showed him the lump on my neck and he was like, I would go get that checked out. You probably need to get that checked out. So then I scoured an appointment on my PH, my PCP, go get it checked out. And then she texted me or she emailed me and she said, we cannot say this is not cancer. So we need to do more than just a sonogram. 29:24 So then I go in, I have for a PET scan and then she called me and she was like, Ava, I hate to tell you this, but you have cancer. And my life was flipped upside down again. I didn't know what type of cancer I had and how long I had left to live. I mean, thankfully there was a reason as to why I was so, I mean, I didn't know at the time, but. 29:53 Now I look back and I'm thankfully there is a reason, you know, why I was so itchy because I'm not anymore. So thank God for chemo. And so she told me, she's like, we don't know what type of cancer it is, but we went to go get a biopsy and we got a biopsy and they figured out that it was Hodgkin, or it was yeah, Hodgkin lymphoma. And it was stage four. So it was wrapped around my, or it was all around my lungs. It wrapped around my heart. 30:23 my neck, my chest. And so it was everywhere. And I was having trouble swallowing too, because it was pressing up against my lungs, making it harder for food to go down. And so I almost choked and died like three times. So then I was like, yeah, I was like, is this because of trichloroactin brain injury? I feel like this isn't. So you got this diagnosis in like two steps, essentially, right? Like you had it checked and they're like, 30:52 we need to check for more, then we're like, it's cancer, but we don't, oh, three steps. And then you find out what it is. And your reaction is probably very common in thinking, oh, is this the end? How much longer do I have? I can't, it can't be, and then do you fall back into despair? Do you fall back into depression? Do you fall back into that same routine? Or because you have all the practices with your therapist and those kinds of things, 31:21 Does that help stabilize you quicker? Yeah, it does. And my girlfriend was there with me. so that, you know, people say, you know, when you need to find yourself and then you find your person, but really it's you got to find your people and then you'll find yourself. And so it was just helped like she was just great. And we would tackle this together. Like we're just you have you only have one option and that's to fight as hard as you can. 31:49 I was like, well, really you have two. I could kill myself and then just, you know, not have to go through this, but that's not an option. But that's why you have the people around you. Yes, exactly. My therapist didn't like that response, So you did chemo. Are you still doing chemo? No, I'm in remission now. Well, not perfect, but congrats. Thank you, thank you. uh It was February 19th when I started my chemo and I had... 32:18 eight hours of chemo and they would, I still have my port in right here, they would inject my port and then put my, or put chemo within, my bloodstream. I had that 12 rounds for six months. Months, twice a month. Yes. Essentially for six Twice a month, yes, yes. And now you're in remission. Now I'm in remission since July, since September 3rd. I finished my last round of chemo July 23rd. Yeah. 32:47 Well, that, mean, good on you for following through, first of all, because I think a lot of us, college age, I probably would have been like, just like a jerk, you know? And it's important that, I mean, you probably also had this sense of like, you've needed the doctors before, and so now you know that you should, because they kind of saved your, well, they did save your life. did, yes. So, and they've... uh 33:15 They fix things that allow you to do 5Ks and play basketball when you want. Yep. So I would imagine that it's probably easier for you to call and be like, OK, time to schedule these appointments, try to get this done. Yes, I loved my chemotherapy team. I love my doctor. I still talk to my doctor all the time. You got to ring the bell. I high-catching the bell and all of my 33:42 Healthcare team came and my speech pathologist, my OT, my therapist, my... You know, everybody came. And so it was really cool because we were in a room in my cancer room and there was like five people in there and or six of my healthcare workers. And guess what? They were all women and all of them were women. And I was like, this is cool. Like, this is awesome. And I said, it's not my oncologist, she's a guy, but... 34:12 You'll forgive him. Yeah, I'll forgive him. But I mean, he did save my life, so I have to forgive him. But yes, he, yeah, good thing Iowa, like I'm here where I'm supposed to be, because Iowa is a great cancer facility or great cancer university and especially for Hodgkin lymphoma. He's a top 10 % of cancer and something. I don't know what, but I see on the sign all the time. So, yes. That's great. I yes. 34:41 How has the accident, recovery from the accident, relearning everything, diagnosis with cancer, going through chemo, how are you different these days than you were before that accident? A lot more thoughtful. Yeah, how so? think about, because I've been two feet in the mud, or I mean I'm six foot two, so I've been... 35:10 know, six of a two feet in the mud. And I can see how everything's not all rainbow and sunshine. Like it's not all, no, not everybody has that experience or has that opportunity to do what I did before the accident. And I'm just taking, I take things slower and I try to live every day to the fullest. Probably still have bad days. 35:36 I still have bad days. uh Yeah, my knees are horrible. They aren't their best. I mean, they're doing their best. They're just, like, that's why I just need to be kinder to them, because they are doing their best. They had a lot done to them, and my knees are, have a pretty big girl to carry around. So, I mean, I'm six foot two, and that's not, like, a lightweight for them to carry around. So, I mean... 36:03 You know, I'm still struggling. There'll be certain days like today. It was the Mad Mother's Instruction on Drivers and I gave a speech there and we were talking about how impaired drivers affects my life. And so then I had to talk about my dad. And so that really hit me in the chest and it made me sad and makes me miss him. And I see pictures of him and I just miss him all the time. And he looks exactly like my brothers, which is... 36:32 difficult for me in a certain way. Like I love my brothers, but it's just a thing I live in Iowa and I don't have to be around them all the time. eh yeah. And I think as you continue to travel through your grief journey, you'll always miss him and you'll always remember him and you'll always have the fond memories. The hard memories will fade a little bit. you know, I think that's all permissible. And I think it's... 37:01 you know, maybe 10 years time you're going to think when you think about him, you don't get sad. get, you know, you remember happy thoughts and things like that. But honestly, it takes a long time and for a lot of people. And there's not like a hard stop like, I'm done. Like this is the time. Exactly. Because you're going to have milestones in your own life in which he can't be a part of. And that will bring up those things as well. But I think it's important that you're talking about it because there's so many people that don't talk about it. 37:30 They just kind of hide it and they're like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then they get in a situation where they're at home alone and they're feeling a certain way and they have to call 9-8-8 or whatever those things are. So kudos to you for talking about him, talking about your struggles, talking about your cancer journey. mean, it's all very important, probably for you, one, to get out of your head and mention it, but also just for people to hear, okay. 37:59 You know, she was living this life that seemed perfect in a way as a teenager and life really lifed for a while. Yeah. And, but you seem quite resilient in your, in the way that you talk about your current life. You know, I'm not saying like, I haven't seen you walk, I haven't seen you do all these other things, but your spirit feels very resilient. Yes, I'm very blessed to... 38:28 I'm very grateful. So I'm very grateful that I am here and I am able to do the things that I do. And when right after the accident happened, I was looking for somebody like that had gone through the injuries that I've gone through and there was nobody. And I just felt alone and that wanted to share their story that I felt alone and miserable and sad. I just want some hope. 38:57 I just wanted some hope and I hope that I am hope for kids that or anybody, that we just get anybody going through something tragic and letting them know that the sun does rise again. yeah. And it's not always sunshine or rainbows like you said. No, it's not. And even if you feel fully put together, you don't have to... 39:21 feel like it always has to be perfect because we're humans and we're going to go up, down, all around and we're going to have those things. That was a big breakthrough for me and I'm glad you found that because it was like, oh, I can just give myself permission that today sucks and it's not always going to be this way and I will work through it because something's off, you know? And before the previous version of me was like, why? Let's fix it, get better. And you're just, that's even more pressure that just makes it worse. 39:50 Yes, and as an athlete, was always, I wanted to do that, but... You knew recovery. Yes, I've learned that, you know, it's okay to be, take things a little bit slower. It's okay that... To ask for help. Yes, to ask for help. yes, it is okay. I have family members who aren't really okay with asking for help. And I just hope, you know, like... 40:20 It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to need help. Yeah. It doesn't make you any weaker or anything. It actually, in my opinion, shows a little strength because you're here to say, can't do it all by myself. And none of us should. No. Right? That's why we have community. That's why we have family. That's why we have our chosen family and our regular family and all the pieces to kind of connect. And I've heard so many 40:48 traumatic stories like your own and other versions of that. And to hear all these, the underlying thing for me to take away is like, so many of us can move through these things and be resilient, as hard as they are, as much as in that moment, we're like, there's no way. there's no hope. Like, how do I get through this? I'm sure you felt that at different stages of your journey. 41:19 And then here you are a couple years later and you probably look back and go, I did a lot. Yeah. I accomplished a lot. Yes, that is how I feel. And it's just because I have such a strong community around me. And it's okay to ask for help and it's okay that I realize, like some days I give 10 % and my girlfriend gives 90%. She went to all 12 rounds of chemo with me and 41:48 Those days I felt miserable. And so she had to give 80 and I only gave 20. I could only give 20, but that's okay. because there's some days where she can only give 10 and I'll give 90. So it's okay to need help. Yeah, and it's just a symbiotic relationship, not specifically your relationship, but just human to human. Like we should feed off each other and help each other in all those ways. Yes. 42:18 I don't know if we will in 2025, but you know, maybe in the future. Maybe, yeah. Yes. I'm curious, I like to kind of ask these questions towards the end, and I'm wondering if this version of Ava, if you could pull Ava aside that day on 4th of July when you were having fun riding the bird scooters and stuff with your family and getting ready to go for dinner, is there anything you would want to pull her aside and say to her? 42:48 hug your dad a little longer. Yeah, uh that's it. That's all of this. I'm not grateful to get hit by a car. I'm not grateful to have cancer. it it had to happen. I it happened. And I think that getting hit by a car, I learned to live life without basketball. 43:16 Then I got cancer. They prepared me for cancer. And so I think, you know, I have lived a lot in these two decades of my life. I've used two lives and only gotten seven more to go. you know, rock on. I'll use them sparingly, hopefully. But yeah. Yeah, you've learned a lot through them, as hard as they were, right? You learned how to move through whatever life throws you next time. Yes, exactly. And a lot of people are like, 43:46 you're almost back to normal, like yourself before the accident. I'm like, I don't want to be myself before the accident. I love this Ava now. And I love how much I've been through. And Ava, before the accident, didn't, the things that were harder for her was choosing a college to play basketball, Division I basketball. That's not really that hard. Yeah. And now you're just choosing life in a way that is more rich and enriching in that, it seems. 44:16 It seems like you're pretty passionate about life these days. I am. I love living and I'm just so grateful to be here. So if there's someone out there listening to your story and feels alone, but now they've heard your story and they're like, I feel like I need to share a little part of mine with someone. Are you open to people reaching out to you and telling you their stories? Yes, of course. On Instagram, can DM me. What is your Instagram? 44:43 My Instagram is avajones underscore 35. Okay. Yes. What's the 35? Was that your basketball number? That was my basketball number. Yep. And my dad was the third and he was born on the fifth. Oh, I love that. That's not why I chose it, but I just thought of that this week, this past week. Really? Wow. Little signs. See, your dad's always with you. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. I encourage people because I think you've probably realized this in your journey. 45:12 when you share your story, it gives you some power, right? By saying it out loud and telling people, even if it's a really hard story, which yours has a lot of those elements, right? But it gives you more power because you're getting it out of your head, you're getting it out of your body, and now you can share your story in your way without other people writing your story. Yes, exactly. Because I don't love when people... 45:41 try to use, I don't know, like they don't ask me, they just try to use my story, you know. And I'm like, but you don't ask me, you don't know how I feel. Like this is how I actually feel. I'm like, why don't you just reach out to me? I'll reach out back to you. I'm like, love, I mean, if it will help somebody, that's all I wanna do in my life is help people. Well, you are, you already have. My goal with this show is that every episode finds the ears that needs to hear it and I'm. 46:10 So I think we win, think for sure. And it's gonna be someone of any age. It's not necessarily a kid, you know, hearing this and going through it. I mean, we can all relate to each other in so many ways. It's very cheesy to say, but we have way more in common than we have that separates us. But it's so cheesy to say. I mean, yes. I mean, no, but we all wake up, we all have to sleep, and we all have to eat. 46:40 Yeah. Well, also, a lot of us have had really wildly different traumatic experiences, but the way that we feel around certain moments in those journeys are very similar. So it's like we can relate to each other, even if our lives are so different from each other. Yes, I agree. Yeah. Well, I think it's beautiful that you're sharing your story and that you are, you know, working to make 47:08 this new version of your life the best it can be. And it seems like you're winning so far with that goal. I went to Hawaii post-chemo celebration. Oh, well, there you go. was pretty fun. Yes. Now you just have to move there. 47:23 No? Okay. I have cousins that live there. You can just visit. It's overrated, Okay, fine. We won't tell all the Hawaiians listening right now. Yeah. Well, I appreciate you sharing your story in this way, letting me ask the questions that I did. It's just such an honor to hold the space for you to share your version. Yes, well, thank you so much for having me on. Well. It's wonderful. It's my pleasure. Who knew three and a half years ago that 47:52 that I would be able to talk to so many people that I never probably would have bumped into and get to sit and just have a conversation about things that maybe most people don't talk about because they're too afraid to. And it's just, you know, we're human. We're just moving through the world and we're trying to relate to each other. So I hope it inspires people to have harder conversations with people around them and ask them how they really are. Yeah, it's, yes. It's not how are you good, how are you. 48:22 How are you? Okay. Let give you a little bit longer of an answer. I always want that longer answer. Yeah. Well, thank you again and thank you all for listening to the Lifeshift Podcast. And I'm just so honored that you choose to do so. If you are enjoying it, I would love a rating and review. I'll just make Ava do a rating and review. That will be beautiful. And with that, I will say goodbye and I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Ava. Thank you. 49:00 For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com