Transcript
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This is the mini solo series of Things We Carry, small moments and themes that keep me thinking way after the conversations on the Life Shift podcast. Hey there, here's another solo episode where I can kind of unpack some of the themes or conversations that I've had on the Life Shift podcast and talk about them and maybe help validate or give permission to what's going on in your life. And this one is about how hard we can be on ourselves. and how we can learn to be softer when life is feeling really heavy. We are so hard on ourselves, like so tough. And I have so many conversations about this same topic. And I guess I should talk about myself because I walked through life carrying this weight of shame and I guess self-loathing at times. And it was partly because of what I gone through as a kid and partly because the people around me just didn't really see what was really going on or give me the support that I needed. I didn't ask for it, but I started to realize, obviously much later, that some of what I had been living by was shaped by that eight-year-old kid that was so scared inside me. And I was making decisions out of fear or hurt instead of love or hope. Then there was Anastasia. She shared this long journey of caring perfectionism like armor, striving to be the perfect daughter, student, person. But underneath it was just this constant nervousness, this deep fear of not being enough or of messing up. And she described how hard it's been to learn to be softer with herself and actually accept that she is worthy just as she is, even with all the imperfections and mistakes. So I think many of us wrestle with that. Maybe all of us wrestle with that, that voice inside us that says we should be better or we should have done it differently or we don't deserve kindness. And Bridget's story added another layer. She spoke about learning to forgive not just others, but herself. The moment she could forgive herself for being a people pleaser, for pouring out all her energy into others and neglecting her own needs, that was really life-changing for her. It gave her that power she didn't have before. The power to choose how she feels. To not carry everyone else's pain. I've certainly been there, trying to be everything for everyone else and often forgetting that I matter too. That self-compassion is a muscle and we all should practice it. And in all these stories, it's just so clear that healing is in a straight path. It's like a spiral. You get softer with yourself, then something knocks you back, then you gotta find your way back again. And I'm doing all the time. Some days are easier, some days I wrestle with that critical voice inside. But the difference now is that I can notice it quicker. And I remember some of my guests saying how when they started healing, they noticed the people around them who hadn't started their own journey. made space for the new relationships that supported the person that they wanted to become. I think that's brave. Changing your community, your environment, might be one of the kindest things you can do for yourself. Anastasia talked about how she's not fully there yet with self-love, but she's starting to see that it's okay not to be perfect. That grace for yourself is the doorway to freedom. And Bridget's forgiveness practice reminded me that forgiving ourselves is not about forgetting or excusing the past. I think it's about freeing ourselves to live with more peace. There is a moment when you realize you don't have to keep punishing yourself for what happened or what you didn't do. If you've been carrying shame, harshness, or perfectionism like a weight, maybe it's your moment to breathe into gentleness. Maybe you're ready to draw a line in the sand, not because you're perfect or you have it all figured out, but because you're worthy of kindness, beginning with the kind you give yourself. It's not easy. It's not fast. But I would say it's real and it's necessary. So my invitation to you today, it's simple. Just notice where you've been hard on yourself. Notice the voices that say you're not enough or you don't deserve care. And ask yourself, what would it be like to show yourself the same kindness you would offer someone you love? What would it be like to say, enough of the punishment, I'm practicing gentleness now. Today, right here, might be the day you start. Because you deserve that. We all do.
