From Shame to Forgiveness: Cheryl Wilder’s Story of Healing

The Weight of a Single Choice

Some conversations linger long after the recording ends. My talk with author and coach Cheryl Wilder was one of those moments. She shared the story of a night when she was twenty years old that changed everything. A decision to drive after drinking led to a crash that left her friend severely injured and Cheryl carrying decades of shame.

She described the days after the accident as a blur of shock, guilt, and disbelief. In her words, she felt the weight of a "moral injury," knowing she had broken her own sense of right and wrong. It was not simply about the accident but about the fracture in how she saw herself.

Shame Can Feel Easier Than Forgiveness

What struck me most in our conversation was Cheryl’s reflection that shame can sometimes feel easier to hold than forgiveness. She explained that shame gave her a strange sense of control, while forgiveness felt elusive and undeserved. For years, she lived with the belief that she did not deserve to heal.

This idea resonated with me. I know from my own story that it can feel safer to cling to what hurts than to risk the vulnerability of letting go. Forgiveness requires us to see ourselves as worthy, and that can be the hardest work of all.

The Role of Storytelling in Healing

Cheryl eventually found her way toward healing through poetry and storytelling. She wrote her first collection, Anything That Happens, to process the accident and its aftermath. In her words, shaping poems from raw experience allowed her to strip away the noise and capture the emotional truth.

At her book launch, audience members asked if she had forgiven herself. The answer, at that point, was yes. That exchange inspired her second book, which explores forgiveness in greater depth. The process of writing not only gave Cheryl a creative outlet but also connected her with readers who carried their own untold stories of shame.

Rebuilding Worth, One Layer at a Time

Forgiveness did not come to Cheryl all at once. Instead, it unfolded in small layers. Having her first child gave her a reason to strive for a happy motherhood. Later, opening up to love with her husband added another layer of worth. Most recently, speaking publicly about her story has challenged her to face the shame that still surfaces from time to time.

One anecdote she shared has stayed with me. After the crash, someone suggested she could run away and avoid facing court. That moment offered her a choice: escape or accountability. She chose accountability. Looking back, she sees it as a turning point in deciding to build a life with intention.

The Courage to Speak

Cheryl’s journey reminded me that the act of telling our stories can be as healing as any outcome. Shame thrives in silence. By speaking, we allow others to see themselves in our experiences, and we remind ourselves that we are not alone.

As I listened to Cheryl, I thought of the younger version of myself who needed someone simply to sit beside him and say, “You will make it through this.” Cheryl’s words echoed that reminder for anyone living with shame. Forgiveness may be harder than shame, but it is also the doorway to freedom.