A Health Scare That Changed Everything: Advocating for Your Life | Michelle Glogovac

00:00
The ER doctor had said to me, she goes, if you had waited until that Friday to see your regular doctor, you would have died. I'm joined by Michelle Glogovac on today's episode. Hello to Michelle's friends and followers. For those of you that don't know, Michelle is a podcasting expert. She's a business owner. She's a wife. She's a mother of two. But today's conversation really focuses on a life-changing event that Michelle went through last year. Through our conversation, we discuss a medical emergency.

00:27
and how she had to advocate for her own health. And of course, we talk about what she learned through the experience. Last summer, Michelle was celebrating her birthday with her family on the beach. And just a few days later, she was experiencing excruciating back pain. And then she called her doctor and the doctor said, well, wait till Friday. But Michelle knew something wasn't right. And so she went to the ER that night and it was a good thing she did. And without giving too much away, she had to self advocate.

00:56
multiple times to get the care that she needed, including pushing for additional measures during a surgery that she needed to reduce the risk of complications and potentially death. During this episode, Michelle shares her journey and what she learned about the importance of taking charge of your own health. Michelle's story is a powerful reminder that we must listen to our own bodies and trust our instincts, even when medical professionals tell us maybe we are just imagining it.

01:24
Before we jump into the episode, I want to give a big thank you to Miki and Tracy and Emily for sponsoring two episodes of the show each month. And then I want to thank my brand new Patreon supporter, Nic, for sponsoring one episode a month. So thank you. The support through Patreon allows me to grow the show, continue bringing these important stories to the public, and just helps cover some of the bills. So information about the Patreon can be found in the show notes.

01:49
I'm super honored to know Michelle and I was lucky enough to be a guest on her podcast, My Simplified Life, just a couple months ago in the summer of 2023. So join us in this truly inspiring episode with my friend, Michelle Glogevac. I'm Matt Gilhooly and this is The Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

02:21
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift Podcast. I am here with a brand new connection. We've been talking before recording all about podcasting. Her name is Michelle. Hey, Michelle. Hi, Matt. How are you? I am fantastic. We were talking about how much I love podcasting. It seems like you also love podcasting and being a part of this world. I do. I believe podcasts change lives, and obviously yours is one of them, but...

02:46
I didn't even know how to listen to one until 2018. Even though I have an iPhone, didn't know the purple button was how you listened. What was your first podcast that you listened to? Do you know? Whiskey and Work. That is actually how I got into the job that I have today. A woman from my birthing class said to me I had wrapped up a career in aviation for 20 years.

03:11
and was trying to figure out what was next. And she goes, oh, there's this business life coach who is launching a podcast. I think you might like her. And so I listened to the first podcast ever that for me, Whiskey and Work, and she said, we all have a purpose and a passion. I was like, yes, I believe that. I don't know what mine is at this point, but it's gonna happen. And I kept listening to her and she ended up reaching out to me. She said, you're sharing my content. You obviously like it. It resonates. Do you wanna pitch me to be on other shows?

03:41
And that's literally how my agency was launched, how I learned everything about podcasts. I ended up producing her show, I produced some others, launched my own, but I fell in love with the pitching part. That's insane. That's awesome. Insane in a good way, not in a bad way. That's, I hope that happens to me on this journey. I'm just over a year into this journey and I've never met a more collaborative group of people. Right?

04:09
In a lot of other industries, you're creating something that is quote unquote similar and there's a lot of competition or I'm not going to share or whatever it may be. And this journey, a few people are not as collaborative, but most people that you work with or talk to in the podcasting industry, they're just like, here, here are my resources. Here are the things I do. Here's, don't do this. And it's just so, it's so lovely to.

04:39
to have conversations with other podcasters just because of the collaboration and the ability to like learn from each other in a positive way. Well, I think part of it is we all recognize how much work goes into creating a show. You know, my editor and I had figured out that it takes four hours to produce a 30 minute episode between the editing, the interview, everything that goes into it. And then to be able to share with others, you know, these are my best practices and this is my process on how I do it so I can save you time.

05:09
And we all have ideas. They're all unique to each one of us. So to collaborate is such a wonderful thing. To me, they're all intimate conversations. I had a client who said to me the other day, how do I get over the nerves of talking to an audience you can't see? I said, you're not talking to them. You're talking to the person on the other side. It's truly an intimate conversation that we're going to let the world in on later on. So don't think about the rest of the world.

05:36
Just think about that one person you're having coffee with. And it just makes it so unique and more intimate, just a one-on-one. I said that to someone the other day. I said, I want the Life Shift podcast to feel like you are eavesdropping on two people having a very deep human conversation at a coffee shop. So it's funny that you said coffee. But I just, I want more people to talk about

06:06
real life. And, you know, part of my journey to this point was so very performative. It was very society taught me that I needed to be the best at whatever or get good grades or graduate college and then get a great job and then get promoted. And so much of humanity was kind of lost in that. Like we weren't allowed to share the scary, the sad, the

06:33
whatever parts that were not like, look at me, look at me. So that's kind of what I love the most about this is that human to human connection, talking about things that maybe we wouldn't regularly talk about with someone else. Absolutely, I actually just posted about this earlier this week saying that if we all shared the trauma that we experienced, then the world might be a better place because we'd have more empathy. We would understand that trauma isn't just one type of thing that's defined.

07:03
There's so much that goes on in our lives that we don't share that my own childhood I thought was normal. And then it took therapy to recognize that, no, that was not normal at all. And it was traumatic. And you work through that. But I think that if we shared more of that, then the world would be a better place. And it's kind of messed up right now. You're right. It just creates connections. We don't want to feel so alone in our circumstance. And sometimes logically we know we're not.

07:32
Like we know we're not the only people to go through it, but we very much feel like we are because no one else is talking about it. You don't feel comfortable enough to say like, look, I'm having a terrible day today and here's why. You just either are silent or you're performative and say everything's great. You know, like that whole, you know, when you first meet someone, how are you? Good, you, right? Good, you, that's the response. And if someone was to say, you know what? I'm actually not very good today.

08:02
would the other person be prepared or have enough empathy, like you point out, to be able to carry on that conversation? Yeah. And how amazing would it be if we were all prepared to go, Oh, you know, share that, tell me about it. How can I help? I feel like we're getting there. I feel like we are getting farther than we were in a sense of, you know, people are talking about mental health. We're talking about therapy in a positive way and not in a shameful way. I think.

08:31
for so long therapy was seen as such as like, oh, what's wrong with you? Whereas now people are proactively reaching out and getting therapy and getting help and almost like a maintenance plan. Like you would go to the gym kind of thing. Yeah, well, that's how I was raised. Therapists are quacks and you don't go to them unless something's really messed up with you. And here I am, I'm like, yeah, I see a therapist and she's awesome. And I, you know, I.

08:57
post about it and I'm like, this is where I see her on FaceTime from my bed. It's beautiful. So yeah, we need to get over those hurdles, I think as a society, but, you know, even as individuals that it's okay to go and seek that help. And it's actually a good thing. Yeah, we're getting there. I think we are. I have hope. So, you know, let's talk more about you. Let's talk about your, you know, the pivotal moment that really changed your life. But before we do that, perhaps you can.

09:24
Paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to this moment so that we can see how it really affected everything for you. Yeah. So life is good. Life has been really good, I would say. I am a mom of two. They are Irish twins. They're a year and three weeks apart. They're now seven and eight. I'm a wife. I own my own business. I work from home. So you know what? Even COVID wasn't such a bad thing for us because...

09:52
We were already living this life of working from home, both of us. The kids were home. Online distance learning for kindergarten, that was a little challenging. But otherwise, you know, everything was good. We have a roof over our heads. We own our own home. You know, we're comfortable. I'll say that. And we were celebrating my 41st birthday. And I am a total beach lover. I like that's my happy place. Eventually, I will own a home. Mark my word on the beach.

10:22
And so for my 41st, the kid said, what do you want to do, mom? And I said, I just want to spend the day at the beach. And so we went to the beach in Capitola. We went, we're at Manresa beach. We went out to dinner, took a picture on the pier, which coincidentally since then is no longer there because of the flood and the rains that we've had. So literally that picture is now gone. And it's kind of interesting as I tell the rest of the story that that moment in time, you know.

10:51
there's no more pure. And so this was July 8th, my birthday, and that was a Thursday, and on Saturday night, in the middle of the night, I woke up with some sharp back pains. And I said to my husband, what did I do? I'm, it feels like I pinched a nerve or something. And so I did, back when I was pregnant, I remember you move around, you know, you shift because you got a big belly, and I'm like, well, maybe it's just a pinched nerve, and I just need to move, and I popped some Motrin.

11:17
No big deal. Sunday, we went to Home Depot and I'm like, wow, this is really getting to be more painful. Heating pad, ice packs. I was like, I think we have a muscle relaxer somewhere. Like, let me just pop some of these. I'm like, I'll do whatever, but I've done something. I started doing yoga positions. I researched on YouTube and I'm bending over the couch in all these weird ways. And then it got to the point where I couldn't lie down flat on the floor.

11:46
And my husband goes, you need to go to the doctor. This is not, why is it? It's not getting better. Motrin's not working, nothing's working. And Monday morning, I called my doctor, 8 a.m. when they opened, and I said, I need to come in and see someone. They said, well, you can come in on Friday. And I went, well, okay, I'm in some pain, so Friday's the best you can do. Yeah, we'll see you Friday. Monday night, we're watching Below Deck because we are reality TV junkies.

12:16
I shot off the couch. I was sitting down and I jumped up and it was the worst pain of my life. And then suddenly I was just, it was like this crouching position in which I was in so much pain I couldn't breathe. My husband thought I was going to faint. I was like seeing stars and he's like, let me take you to the ER. I go, no, the kids are asleep. What are we going to do with the kids? It's 830 at night. There's nothing we can do. I'll figure it out. Don't worry. And I slept on the couch.

12:44
and I could sleep off and on for about 30 minutes, but this pain was just getting worse. It was hard to breathe. And I emailed my doctor at four in the morning, and I said, I'm in pain, so expect my call. When you open, I need to come see someone. They responded of, yeah, please call us. I call, yeah, again, we're booked until Friday. And at this point, I even said, I will see the janitor. Like, whoever you can have, yeah, I just need to come in. No, not until Friday.

13:13
And this was it. This was the extent of the conversation. And so I sat back on bed, I put a heating pad on, I tried to nap. I even took a Instagram selfie and said, I'm working from my bed because I'm in pain today. And it was about two hours later that I got off of the bed, the heating pad. And I said, take me to the ER. And so the whole family knew, okay, something's wrong because I can take pain. We ran into the ER.

13:41
I told my husband and kids they had to stay outside because the kids weren't allowed inside the ER due to COVID. I punched in my name, my symptoms, and before I finished it, they called me in because I was having trouble breathing. So apparently this is something, you get rushed to the top of the list with these symptoms. And a doctor came back, she was very young, and she goes, have you ever had a blood clot? And I go, no, it's a pinched nerve. It's just really bad.

14:05
No, I don't have a blood clot. She goes, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm like, it's no big deal. It's just a pinched nerve, but it really hurts. I'm a doctor. Yeah. I'm a podcaster, okay? And she was really young too. And not that young doctors are bad, but I was like, blood clot, like, come on, please. Like there's no swelling in my legs. I'm totally fine lady. It's just this. So they brought me back and they drew my blood.

14:33
They sent me in for an x-ray and the x-ray technician's walking me along the way and he goes, do you think maybe you're having a heart attack? I was like, man, no, I don't. I'm 41. Just take the x-ray. So, from the blood test, it's called the D-timer and it actually looks for blood clots in your blood. I didn't know that that could do that. So, she came back and they'd given me pain meds. Didn't work.

15:01
And she said, the D timer came back as elevated. So we're gonna put you in for a CT scan. When I laid down and they put the tunnel over you and stuff, I was in such pain, I was crying, and yet you're supposed to stay as still as you can. And the tech obviously saw what he saw, and he came out and I couldn't get off of the bed. I'm like, you have to literally help me, because I can't even walk now.

15:28
get back within 30 minutes, she came back and she goes, your lungs are filled with blood clots. You're having a pulmonary embolism. We have to hook you up to a blood thinner right now. You're being admitted. It's now six o'clock, seven o'clock at night. I had told my husband, like, go get the kids some dinner. It's no big deal. I'll be out in a few hours. It's a pinched nerve. Yeah. It's no big deal. They're running some tests. So I had to call him and say, could you bring the kids to our friend's house? Oh, by the way, I forgot my phone too.

15:58
So I had his work phone and we're communicating over his stuff. I said, her number is, you know, over here, but can you bring me like a change of clothes and, you know, a Kindle or something? Because apparently I'm getting admitted. I'm having a pulmonary embolism. I then spent the next five days in the hospital. I had a clot in, aside from having lungs filled with clots, I had one in my inferior vein, a Cava that was threatening to shoot up to my heart.

16:27
And so they gave me a thrombectomy, and this was now a Thursday. So it's one week after my birthday where everything was all peachy keen. And the doctor who came in explained what the thrombectomy was, where they go in through your groin and they're going to suck out the blood clot. And I said, well, what are the risks? What, you know, you make it sound like it's no big deal, but you're gonna put me under. And he said, well, the risk is that it escapes the suction and it goes straight to your heart and you die.

16:58
And I was, you know, that's the moment where you're like, oh, okay. This is serious. Yeah, well, and the ER doctor had said to me, she goes, if you had waited until that Friday to see your regular doctor, you would have died. So there was already that one moment of, you could have died if you didn't listen to yourself and go to the ER, but now you're going to do this procedure in which you could die anyway.

17:25
And all I could think of was, okay, like I FaceTimed with my kids. I didn't get to properly say goodbye to them in the ER. And now what if I die? I own a business. There's money in a business account. My husband will get it, but oh my God, what if I died now? And now he's going to have, you know, months of whatever. And let me, I'm just, I started moving money because that's all I knew to do.

17:49
I didn't know what else to do. I'm like, there's nothing else besides him being the beneficiary, so let me just move money and that's what's going to get me... He'll be comfortable, at least until things are managed. The next day when I had my thrombectomy, my husband came in and the doctor came as I'm being rolled to the OR. He goes, I thought about you last night. I'm like, this is good. This is an interesting doctor. He goes, and I thought, you know what? You're right.

18:19
this shouldn't be a risk. So we're gonna go in through your neck and put a filter in so that it blocks the clot from going up to your heart. And then we're gonna go in through your groin and suck it out. I don't know why this isn't common practice to begin with. And that it took me asking him, what are my risks? And then you went home and you thought about it. It was really frightening to me. Was it frightening in the sense that

18:45
Like that should just be a thing or was it frightening that it wasn't even thought of? You know, like, were you like, oh, this makes sense because of where we are and what's going on, but also at the same time, why is this not a thing for everyone? Yeah, it was kind of a mixture of both. Like I was like, why am I thinking of this? And you're just now saying, well, this is what we can do to prevent it. Why isn't that a commonplace prevention? And why, like,

19:14
why did I have to prompt you about what could happen? It just didn't make sense at all. Since then, he and I have had conversations because I am very meticulous when it comes to notes, as you and I were talking about with the process of the podcast and everything. When I saw my hematologist afterwards, he said, do you still have the filter in your neck? I go, what are you talking about? Do I still have the filter? I don't know. He goes, well, I'm reading.

19:43
the post-op report and it doesn't even say that he went in through your neck. I go, but I have the scar to show you that something went through my neck. So he goes, well, we only have so many days to remove that before it becomes toxic for your body. So even after I've been released from the hospital, I'm having to chase down this doctor who, you know, he's, it's not like he has a practice outside of it. He literally works at the hospital and goes to different hospitals.

20:11
And finally I chased him down. He was like in a car going somewhere because yeah, of course we removed it. And I said, well then let's have a chit chat about your note taking because it sucks. I shouldn't have to be calling you. Yeah, this is not okay practice like at all. And I think it sunk in. I hope it sunk in for him that this is a big deal. And as a patient, you have to be your own advocate. That was the biggest takeaway for me was

20:40
I have to repeat this over and over to all of these different doctors because none of the computer systems work together. So I'm having to tell you the story and you the story and you the story. And even my GP, who I finally got to see 30 days later, I said, this isn't, you know, I shouldn't have to tell you any of this. You should be able to look at my file and see that all of this is. And I did actually another one of my doctors, my OB-GYN, she used to be on the board for the hospital.

21:09
She is on the board for the doctors that are in the area. And when I showed her the email, because she could access that, the entire system changed in the network. Because what I presented to her, as this is what I said to the doctor, it never went to the doctor, an assistant thought. So hopefully that changed lives in and of itself. By just you trying, I mean, you essentially saved your own life.

21:38
in like four different instances by advocating. And earlier in our chit chat about podcasting, you briefly mentioned kind of how your parents saw therapy. Growing up, were you an advocate for your health or were you always just, it's just a pinched nerve kind of person. Were you someone that would regularly see doctors when it was appropriate or when you needed to?

22:05
It's funny you ask that because my mother and my brother are very much to this day of like, it's no big deal. I don't need to see the doctor. My brother had a tumor. It was a bone eating tumor, ossifying fibroma as a three year old. It was, it looked like a bruise that kept getting bigger and bigger. And so eventually they took bone from his hip and replaced his shin with it.

22:29
I as a 41 year old, I'm like, are you seeing the doctor? Because you're now almost 40, have you checked yourself into this? And he's like, no, I'm fine. He and her to this day are like that. I don't know why. They're also still anti-therapy. I was a healthy child. So I didn't have what my brother went through, but we were in and out of a lot of doctors for him. We spent a lot of time at Stanford. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house.

22:58
So as a child, I witnessed all of this. I believe in it. And I've always been an advocate for, you know, when my children, I think I became this mama bear when they were born of something's wrong, we're gonna get you the best care that there is. Like, why would we not? I live in Silicon Valley, like Stanford is here, we're gonna go to the best. And I'm not gonna stop until we get the best for whatever it is. You have acid reflux, you know, you're a toe walker. These were the little things as they were growing up.

23:28
And to me, it's the same. I have a hematologist who's the head of oncology here at Stanford. I want the best. I don't want to go to anything less. And if I live here, then I'm going to fight to get that. So therapy, I didn't get to see until I was in my 20s and paying for it on my own. But yeah, I've always been an advocate for any type of help that we can get. And I don't know why.

23:55
I grew up in the opposite. Well, maybe that is why. Yeah. There's a component of us kind of going against what we didn't think was right in the first place, and now we're going to go the other direction. But at the same time, part of your story was very much dismissive for a while, right? And so we think it sounds like maybe, I'm projecting here, maybe you're

24:22
it's definitely other people or like kids first. Do you put other people ahead of yourself in moments like that? Because I mean, you said it was a pinched nerve. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna go on WebMD. Do you find yourself that you put yourself first or are you typically helping others first? I'm typically helping others, yes. I am that person of, I put you first and you know, I...

24:49
Even my OBGYN has always said, you're one of the toughest patients I've ever had. Your pain tolerance is ridiculous. And yet I'm the first one to pop a Motrin, which is kind of funny that, you know, I'm like, well, the Motrin will help, it's no big deal. Now it's Tylenol because of blood thinners, but yeah. I say that one, because, you know, you kind of waited a little bit, but also when you found out what it was.

25:16
your thoughts immediately went to moving money, making sure your kids were gonna be okay, making sure your husband was gonna be okay, making sure he knew where this, that, and the other thing were, and not a spiral, which a lot of us would end up doing as well. Is that, do you see that as a common coping mechanism in your world? Yeah, it's very me. It's very my type A, my, I'm just gonna get it done. It's...

25:44
I have a friend, we actually share the same therapist. I referred her, so we talk openly about our sessions and she goes, you know, I always tell our therapists that you're never afraid to fail. And that's what gets me about you is I feel like I'm always failing. And I said, I don't want to sound cocky. And I had to have this now break down with my therapist of I don't fail. I just don't see anything that I do as failing and it's because I do my best at it.

26:12
I educate myself if I need to be educated on something. I try my best. I work my hardest and I attempt whatever it is that I'm doing. So to me, I don't fail because I've tried my very best and I learned from whatever it is. And so even as I'm days or moments from death, I'm like, well, I'm gonna try my best to make sure that everything goes as smoothly as possible. And that's just who I am.

26:41
have you dissected that hospital moment, or even before the hospital, as to which piece seems to be the most triggering a change in you, or a move in where life after that moment was quite different? Was it walking into the ER and immediately being admitted? Was it the shooting pain? Was it...

27:06
Was there a moment out of all of those moments that was the one that you think back to the most that really triggered this new version of your life? I think it was when the er doctor came back and said your blood clots your your lungs are filled with blood clots And if you would have waited You would be dead And so we're admitting you right now and to hear those words and then be hooked up to an ivy in the hopes that

27:36
That's just, it's very surreal to know that, okay, whatever's pumping through me is now supposed to save my life, but yet you can't see it. You don't feel it. The pain obviously got better and better, but then they also put me on morphine to help that as well. So- That's a whole other experience. Yes, yeah, yeah. When they're like, what's your pain scale? And I'm like, oh, it's like a six. They're like, we think it's a nine so we can give you the good stuff.

28:02
Are you sure it's not a nine? It's an upside down six? Yeah, yeah, that was basically how the rest of the week went But I think it was that moment of oh, she's serious like this was going to kill me and I sat and I waited and You know what if I hadn't obviously I had to because the pain was so immense and excruciating that I had to go

28:30
But I think that was the moment in which I said, okay, you know what, there's so many things that I deal with, I allow myself to deal with. I volunteer for so much on top of being a mom, being a wife, being a business owner. I'm like, oh, you have something small? Yeah, I can take that on for you. Oh, I wanna make a difference with this. Let me write those postcards for you, you know, to constituents. Let me go campaign for you. Let me go be the voice that we need no more guns for school shootings.

29:00
let me do all of these things, let me be on the PTA, let me lead the Girl Scouts and the Boy Scouts. And it was, I was doing all of this. And it was when I came out that I said, these little things are too many little things and I need to get rid of them. And I told myself, I knew that it would not happen overnight because I had committed. And as I've shared, I honor. And you don't fail. Yeah, I don't fail and I honor those commitments. And so I gradually started releasing things.

29:29
and telling people that I am doing this now, but here's the end date. It has to stop. I can't do it. It's not healthy for me. I had one person say, well, I know why this happened to you. You do too much. You're just doing too much. I'm like, well, that's not helpful, but thank you. And stop asking me to do things. And maybe you could pick up some slack. That would be awesome.

29:55
You go volunteer for something. But it was, I need to release all of these little things because I think the small amounts of stress built up to something more. We still don't know why this happened. I've had blood tests. They came back as inconclusive, really. There's no genetic factor. So it's still something that I'm working through because there is that scary part of my hematologist says, well, you're on blood thinners until July. It'll mark a year.

30:25
you'll have another CT scan, but then you might just come off them. And that's where my head then goes, oh, well, then this could happen again. Like, how do we, if we don't know what caused it, then how do we prevent it by not being on thinners? I don't know what to do. So I have some apprehension about July coming. What is your thought on, I talk about this a lot with other guests that have experienced trauma, not just, you know, medical trauma, but like throughout their life.

30:53
What is your thought on The Body Keeps the Score? Have you heard of this book before? No, uh-uh. I'm writing it down, though. And the idea of it is that your body is tracking all that trauma, and it's starting to manifest into other things, and not to dive into other parts of your life. But do you think that you hinted at, like, oh, my childhood was normal, but turns out it wasn't quite as normal as I thought it was?

31:23
there could be something to thinking about how past traumas kind of manifested themselves into a more physical ailment that eventually brought you to this place where, no, now you need to put yourself first. It's not volunteering for everyone else kind of thing. So that was what came to my mind when you were like, well, we've done all the tests and everything, but I'm wondering if it was something even deeper seated emotionally that kind of manifested into a physical thing. There was a book, Closer to the Bone.

31:53
Have you heard of that one? I have not. A friend of mine who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer recommended this one, and it's very similar in the thought process as well as how do people get through it? Is it that you know that people are thinking about you? Is it that they're praying for you? And there's all these different research groups that they've done where they've had a set of people who knew that they had a support system and then others who were just...

32:22
you know, nothing, and what that resulted in, in addition to, you know, what led up to these moments, you know, where you overworked and stressed and now you have cancer and that kind of a thing. So it's very similar. And the more you talk about, yeah, you're gonna bring tears to my eyes because it has been like this journey for a year of thinking about that, through therapy, through, you know, talking it out myself, through journaling.

32:51
and coming to those conclusions of like, did you do this to yourself? I mean, I wouldn't put the blame on yourself, but I think what you're doing now, the work to uncover that, I think is only gonna serve you better in the future. It's gonna be really hard in the moment. Like this uncovering the things in our lives that most of the time we didn't have control over, right? Because we were living, you were living your life.

33:18
doing the things that made you happy by helping other people. And the byproduct of that may have been stress, may have been doing things to your body, but at the same time, you were doing it with purpose, you were doing with intention. And I think there's something to be said with that. And we started a conversation where the society isn't quite at this place, but the ability now that we're all enough aware that therapy, journaling,

33:46
that shouldn't be scary things, because they can lead to such beautiful things. I think it's wonderful. I didn't mean to bring it up to make you uncomfortable about it, but that's the work that's gonna make you an even better human being and more caring and the person that you are. No, I appreciate it. Don't cry.

34:10
I'm a crier. I always have been. My husband's like, oh, the new Fords are out, so you better get your tears going. I was wondering how, when you started giving deadlines to the things that you had volunteered for and telling people, I'm going to commit to this, but at some point it's done, was that hard for you? Was that because...

34:36
Was it against what you had always been doing your whole life? Was that hard to start to let go of those things? It was harder, I think, for the people I told because I got a lot of pushback. Well, can't you just do this? What if you just took on this part of the job? What about just doing this? Do you think that maybe you could stay on for a little bit longer? I got a lot of pushback for that. The harder part would be when it had to do with things volunteering around my kids, like Scouts.

35:06
And my daughter saying, you know, well, if you don't lead Girl Scouts next year, I don't want to be a part of it. And I said, well, that's your choice, but someone's going to have to take the lead. And it's not like I'm not going to be there. You know, I can come and I can take a meeting or something, but I can't do two meetings a month where I plan for all of you little girls, you know, a craft and do a journey and do all of these things. It's not feasible for me because I have so much other stuff going on and I'm very open with my kids of this is what mommy does for work.

35:35
these are who my clients are, this is literally what we're doing. So I can't take on everything else and do it. There are other people who can. And so we need to allow that to happen. That would be the only hard part when I think about it. But others have stepped up and said, no, I'll take this on, I'll do this. And I think releasing it and going, okay, no, however they want to do it, that's how they're going to do it.

36:01
I've started my new mantras, not my circle, not my monkeys, you know, or my circus, and just letting it go and being okay with it. I definitely felt a release and a weight lifted every time I started saying, this is the deadline and this is when I'm done. So I know that it's the right thing for me. I'm one of those people who's always busy. Like I can't just sit and watch TV. I'm knitting while I'm watching TV.

36:29
I'm checking my email during a commercial and I try to think back of what were the days like when we didn't have phones where we could check our emails during a commercial. We didn't even have emails. Slowing that down and being okay with not having every moment of the day booked is something that I need. I haven't gotten used to it yet because it hasn't fully happened. The school year is still going. By the time this airs, then yes, I will be relieved from all of those duties. But it's just slowing down.

36:59
you know, allowing myself to be the focus, like you said, to say, you know what, now I have 30 minutes to go take a walk. And that's okay to not be doing something because I am doing something for myself. You know, what stuck out about that whole conversation, I love that you're you felt the release and and that you feel comfortable in the decisions and eventually your type A will relax a little bit to allow you to just do nothing and watch below deck. But

37:28
What stuck out in that conversation was the adults in your life that gave you the pushback. It reminds me of earlier in our conversation, we were talking about how people, if you listen to stories like this on a podcast, hopefully you start to develop some empathy in some capacity. That example you told me screams to me is that those people have yet to listen to the right podcast.

37:56
they weren't thinking outside themselves and what they're gonna lose by you choosing you. Did you have a similar feeling? Did you have a sense of disappointment? Or was there anything that was attached to hearing that pushback? I think it's exactly what you just said. And I appreciate that you recognize that. To me, it's been, okay, well then these are not my people. These are not people I really want to befriend. You know, not necessarily not associate with, but.

38:25
I'll say hello. And, you know, they're also the people that instead of when you say, hi, how are you? Good? You? It's, oh my God, life is so tough. You know, and I think there's that balance that it's either the person who says I'm good and, you know, whether or not they're good, or it's the one and how woe is me. Life is overwhelming.

38:47
And I'm not that type of person. I will not say, you know, even when I got out of the hospital, people, you know, how are you doing? And I had oxygen here at the house and, you know, I couldn't go up the stairs without being out of breath. And I was coughing all the time, but I wasn't complaining. You know, I didn't, oh, I've been in the hospital and oh my goodness, you know, I almost died. And there was no drama associated with it. So,

39:14
I think that people hear what they want to hear, but we share, and I did share. I was very open. The beginning of this is where we are. This is what happened. It was interesting to see what the reactions would then be, whether people were empathetic, whether DoorDash suddenly arrived, or I had a gift card in my email of, hopefully this will help you. If there were flowers versus, well, you did it to yourself.

39:41
You know, it's interesting about these reflection moments or these like pivotal moments, our lives start to change and we start seeing things in a different way. We start, you know, like colors are different and experiences are different. And then there's the moments where we look back at the people that we used to surround ourselves with. And then we're like, why, why did I do that? How did I get there? And do you have any of those moments? You know, I know you said like, well, they're not.

40:10
Not my circus, not my monkeys, but do you have moments of like the people you surrounded yourself with before look different than the people you surround yourself with now? Oh, absolutely. And even up to that moment of it started to change. I think before I even had the pulmonary embolism, I started to recognize that these are not the people I want to hang out with. They're not who I want my kids to have in their circle. And it had started before that.

40:38
And it just made it a stronger emphasis on, I'm making the right decisions on who to, you know, I want to say get rid of, but who to distance myself from, of this isn't what I need in my life. And you know, there are good people, and there are people who want the best for me, and I want the best for them, and those are the ones that I need to stay close to. What's tough about someone as you used to be, and probably still are in some cases, of like willing to do anything and everything for other people.

41:07
is that there's a lot of people that will take advantage of that. And until something, until there's this moment where we're like, oh, I choose me for this one thing, then it exposes every, like, what? What about me? And I can see that probably happened a lot. And I mean, good for you for getting to this space. Is there something about you that you feel like, man, I wish I would have done this sooner? Do you have any of those moments?

41:35
Oh yeah, I wish I would have become this person sooner. I wish it didn't take landing in the hospital and being days away from death of, oh, I don't need to do all of these little things. I think that the innate want to make the world a better place was a big part of it. What can I do? Well, there's so much that's wrong in the world that needs to be fixed.

42:01
I can't be the person to fix it all. I won't be the person to fix it all. But part of my job as a mom is to raise better human beings. And that is something that I can do. And I don't have to volunteer to be the leader of all things for them, that starts at home. So I think recognizing that and being okay with that being my main job versus the leader of all the things.

42:30
is what I wish I would have recognized earlier. How hard is it for you to not try to help fix the medical issues that you had as it relates to operations in medical? Because, you know, honestly, you were not treated in the way that we would hope that any of our loved ones would be treated, really in any case, until you advocated enough to drive yourself to an emergency room.

42:59
and tell them exactly what it was, how hard is it for you to not feel like you've got to take on that cause because of all the things you experienced with pushback to Friday or whatever it may be? It's a mixture because I do feel like I've done something at least in the way that messages are going to be reviewed. I'd love to test that out and see if that's true.

43:23
Not with your own. No, not with my own. No, no, no. You've had enough. But there was so much, and it was deeper than even that. I shared a room with an older woman who didn't even speak English, and her family would come and go, and there was family drama. You're there for five days. You get to know everything that's going on. But even when her family would come in and nobody knew what was going on, and then another doctor would come in and they're like, oh, I don't know. And I finally would be like, no, listen.

43:52
She left at 9 a.m. She had this test run. This is what the doctor said. This next one's coming in on the next round. And everyone just looked at me like, I'm just sitting here listening. How are you not taking notes? Because I heard all of this go down and this is what's happening. Oh, thank you. It was like, maybe you should work here. No, maybe you should work here because this is your job. It's just learning that you have to be your best own advocate. And whether that's in

44:22
I think that's the entire point that I want to get across is that you have to do what's best for yourself. A lot of that is listening to what's going on around you, to what's going on to you, and to listening to yourself as well to make sure that you do get the best care, that you go to the doctor when you need to, to then fight the insurance even a year later because I'm still getting invoices. Of course you are.

44:51
Because the insurance I presented is not what they wrote down and billed. Well, we could have a whole conversation about the insurance industry, but that's a whole other follow-up. That'll be another few hours. Yeah, and that won't be on this show. But, yeah, do you find yourself, when you feel something medically different, do you find yourself more hyper-aware or ready to call and have it checked out? Less like your pinched nerve experience?

45:20
Yeah, because I still have some of the pain, which, and I've talked to my hematologist about, which is why I'm gonna go in for another CT scan, because what blood thinners do, and I didn't know this, is that they don't just dissolve the clots. The clots dissolve on their own. So the thinners just prevent further clots from coming. So...

45:44
I mean, that's scary when you think about it, because I'm like, well, I still have some of this pain, so is the clot still there? Are there multiple ones? But then I've also realized that when I'm stressed out, that's when the pain comes back. So whether or not the two are related, it's helped me to be more aware of what's going on in this moment that is stressing me out, whether or not I recognize it or realize it, my body's letting me know this has to stop, whatever it is.

46:14
And so it's paying attention to my body and what messages it's giving me to make the changes that I need to make. So in that sense, I'm still asking questions. I'm still demanding, when's the next blood test? We need to test for this, this, and this. What other doctors are out there that will test me for other things? So I'm still advocating for answers and to find out more because to have this experience and not know why.

46:44
That's not acceptable. Do you find any ability or joy in celebrating being a little bit more selfish and less selfless? Is there any part of you that's like, OK, I am truly that whole put your mask on first kind of thing. Are you celebrating that a little bit more these days? Yes. I take more of those moments.

47:10
to really just allow myself to sit in it. And Saturday mornings, if it's nice enough, then I'm outside with my journal and my coffee. And even if the kids are like, we're hungry for breakfast, I'm like, well, I'm not there yet. So you will take a moment. You're not gonna starve to death. It's eight in the morning, you're fine. But to allow myself to have those reflective moments, yes, definitely I'm relishing them much more. And if it's...

47:39
to celebrate, if it's to have a good cry, if it's just to journal, whatever it is, I'm making sure that I allow myself that time. And I find that I want that time too. Yeah, it becomes something that I'm like, oh, I need to do that. Yeah, because you know how you feel after the fact and kind of sets you up for a good day. Take us back to why that picture on the pier is so important to you. The fact that...

48:06
Here we were having this absolutely wonderful day, and then days later, I was almost dead. And then to see that six months later, the pier's destroyed, the restaurant we ate at was destroyed, it felt like to me, it's a sign of I went through this and I've gotten over it. And those were good memories.

48:36
They're also memories that led to what happened. And so it's all a new beginning. Imagine if and when they rebuild the pier. I will walk on it and I will take another picture in my pink and orange dress. Yeah, because again, that's like, you know, we have these opportunities. Things could have gone really bad, right?

49:03
And now we have this opportunity to move forward with what is and what we know now. And your story is very much about becoming more of an advocate for yourself. I wanted to use the selfish word, but I think it has a negative connotation, but I don't mean it in a negative way. Right. We really do need to put ourselves first in order to help serve anyone else. And so sometimes...

49:29
We don't see that until it's almost too late. So I'm so happy that you've come into this space. I'm sorry that you had to go through that piece, but if you could go back to the version of you.

49:46
couple months before that visit, before your 41st birthday, is there something you could say to that version of you, knowing what you know now? Well, you know, it's funny because a couple months before, I was actually in Necker Island and I went on a women's trip with a bunch of strangers. I had the most amazing time. And then, and it was really that I allowed myself this, that this was the first time I left my family. That I...

50:15
was gone for seven days on an island in the British Virgin Islands. Who gets to do that? And I allowed myself to do it because I had worked hard enough to get to that point that I could pay for that experience and I could have it. And then this happened and I thought, I need more of that. And I think that it was that you don't have to work that hard to have such an experience. Slow it down and relish what you have.

50:44
every day. You know, I have palm trees outside because I live in San Jose. I don't need to go to the British Virgin Islands to see the palm trees, but to really look at it and like you mentioned earlier of, you know, you see color different now and you know, you reflect and you see more beauty and it's right in front of us. We don't have to escape to go see it. So I think thinking about that is definitely something that comes to mind of I was already on that path, but I was

51:13
doing it the wrong way, I think. I mean, I think it's definitely a product of what we grew up kind of being expected of us. Like you just do, do, do, do, succeed, succeed, and then you can have the reward. If you work hard enough, you can have the reward. When really, if we just are good humans each day, we can celebrate the little rewards and enjoy those on a regular basis instead of waiting 20 years to like go on some

51:43
you know, exciting vacation, which is great that you got to do that. And it was a great reward. But, yeah, slowing down and seeing that there's a lot of cool stuff around us that in the everyday. That's amazing. Well, thank you for sharing your story on the show. I know there were hard parts of sharing that and and reliving some of that. But I think, you know, what people might not go through the same exact experience as you, but they can take away.

52:11
something very similar, in the sense that we need to put ourselves first. We need to recognize what brings us joy, recognize what matters to us, what are our values and what's serving us each day, so that we can be a full person, so that we can help other people in the way that they need to be helped. So thank you for that. Thank you. It was so great to talk to you, even if you brought me to tears. It's a good thing. It's therapeutic. I'm not taking that blame.

52:41
I'm a crier. I'll take the blame. Yeah, I love to cry. And if you've never seen Marcel the shell with shoes on, please do yourself a favor and watch this movie. Everyone, I am not getting paid to promote this, but I watched it on a whim last weekend and I cannot stop thinking about it. So please take the moment to do that. I think you'll really enjoy it. And I think it actually weirdly enough aligns with a lot of the things that we've been talking about in this.

53:11
in this episode. So again, thank you for being a part of the LifeShift Podcast. Thank you so much. And as Michelle knows, you know, us podcasters, we love a review, a rating, those kinds of things are helpful, I guess, in some capacity. So if you like what you're hearing, please take the time to give a rating and review. Five stars is usually nicer than three or four. But...

53:36
Whatever you're feeling is wonderful. And we will link to all of Michelle's information in the show notes. So if you want to connect with her, see what she's doing, see where her world is taking her, please do that. And with that, we will say goodbye until next week when we have a brand new episode of the LifeShift Podcast. Thanks, Michelle. Thank you.

54:08
For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com