How Viso Turned Tragedies Into a Life of Joy

00:00 When Viso was 10 years old, his mom dropped him and his brother off at the bowling alley and told them she'd be right back. But she never came. That moment changed everything. But out of that loss and later through a cancer diagnosis, Viso has come to see joy as something you have to build with intention. He calls himself a joy architect and today he shares how those early heartbreaks shaped the way he lives now and how he helps others find more light in their own lives. 00:27 She took us to a bowling alley that we used to go. It was very close to home, around maybe less than a mile. So she dropped us there and she left. She said, I'll be back in an hour. Okay. And to make this story short, she never came back. I'm Maciel Houli and this is The Life Shift. Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. 01:00 Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift podcast. I am here with Viso. Hello, Viso. Hey, hi, Matt. Nice to meet you and nice to talk to you. It's a pleasure to have you on the show and to share your story in the way that it will unfold however it does today. The concept of the Life Shift stems from my own personal experience when I was eight. I was visiting my father. My parents were divorced. I lived with my mom full time. 01:27 live states apart. So I was visiting my dad, my mom was vacationing and my dad pulled me into his office one day and he sat me down and he told me that my mom had been killed in a motorcycle accident. And at that moment at eight years old, everything that I knew about my 24 seven day of living with my mom and living in a different state was suddenly gone. And I had no safety besides my father who I really only saw every once in a while because he lived far away. 01:57 This was late 80s, early 90s. People weren't really talking about grief. were, and I'm, you know, we'll talk about your story, but I'm sure there's some things that you can relate to there. And I always wonder, do other people have these sudden line in the sand moments in which in one moment life was rolling on like normal. And then the next second, nothing that they had imagined for themselves would be possible anymore. And so that's where this show comes from is just. 02:26 that growing up period of like screwing up in grief and just trying to figure out how to live in that world without grieving. And now I get to talk to people like yourself and people all over the world about all these different life shift moments, whether they're external and something that like happened to me, or I talked to so many people that like one moment they wake up, they read a line in a book and all of a sudden they decide to quit their job, move to another, you know, like 02:54 and make a life shift for themselves. So it's been just such an inspiring journey from something that was really hard and all along, I just want other people out there that might be feeling alone in their circumstances or looking for a little bit of inspiration to hear these stories and conversations and feel like they can move differently in the world because of someone else's story. So the power of storytelling is just so strong. 03:20 And I'm sure you've realized that through your journey, not just telling your story, but hearing other people tell their stories. Yeah, no, for sure. I actually, before you'll get to know today, but I also started a podcast that I stopped doing this cancer situation, but the name of the podcast was in Spanish and it was telling extraordinary stories of ordinary people. Because everybody has a story and many people 03:49 If it's not like a tragic story or you believe it's not a good story, most of the times, well, everybody has a story and they are very much interesting, even though you don't realize it because it's not as, again, as tragic or as, I don't know the word to use, but everybody has a story and it's great, great hearing people's stories. It's amazing. And when you relate to some part of it, it's much more important. 04:19 And sometimes it's not the big extreme part that we relate to. Sometimes it's the monotonous, whatever they're doing or feeling. And I've really learned that like, because everyone's story is so wildly different. But I think the through line of emotion is so relatable and the way that we react to things and feel, you know, your story has all those elements, right? Like, I feel like you have the ups downs and and probably all the in betweens as well. So 04:45 I'm people will relate to yours. And too many of them from all around. So yeah, I have tons of stories to talk about. Well, before we tell your life shift moments, maybe you can just tell us who Viso is in 2025. Like, how do you show up in the world? How do you identify these days? I'm a joy architect. I try to help. 05:08 I don't like the word teach. We talked about this before, but there's nothing to teach. You don't teach anything. You just tell your stories, your situations, and you hope people grab part of what you're trying to share with them. And I'm trying to help people enjoy more what they do. I think that people go through life making lots of money, accolades and positions in work and doing this and that, but they're not enjoying. 05:38 If you are living just for the sake of living, it's in my mind, it's pretty sad. So I'm trying to reach as many people as I can and help them enjoy what they do. That's me in 2025. mean, I love that. And a joy architect, is that what you said? Yeah, joy. I give speeches, workshops, coaching. And that's basically what I'm doing right now. 06:05 Yeah. Could you have imagined that job 20 years ago? No, no, no. I've always been even in my corporate jobs. was like the when somebody wanted to talk about it, even it was the janitor or the CEO. It was in my office. I spent 80 percent of the time in my office talking to people. So one way the other, I did it. But I mean, it was different than not as. 06:32 Intentionally. Purposeful as it is right now. Yeah. I even created now this space that I'm launching, is called Joyful Living Lounge, which is a space exactly for that, to enjoy, not to hear all the sound, all these heavy, terrible news that you hear all day long and be frightful about something. And that's not life. So that's who I am right now in 2025. 07:00 That is admirable. I think it's really easy to get into a uh doom spiral of some sort. And it's easy to stay in it too. And it's hard to intentionally move out of that space. So kudos to you for helping me. the word actually, intention. You have to do it consciously. The same way you consciously exercise and you become good at a job and nutrition-wise, you have to... 07:29 consciously and intentionally enjoy what you do. And it takes work. It doesn't come natural. Let's enjoy writing at all. Because most of the things that you're surrounded with is bad news. So yeah, it's much easier to go down the negative route than the other side, for sure. I'm sure that a lot of your story will inform why you 07:57 why you that way. maybe however you want to do it, I would love it if you could paint the picture of your life before the first big life shift in your life that kind of changed who you are. The first moment, the first life shift in my life was I was 10 years old when my mom died. And I'll tell you the story because everything has to do with it. I had a normal childhood before that. I mean, 08:26 My dad worked a lot. He's a doctor. So he was not home that much. I mean, we didn't do many things with him. Even when we went on vacation, he was there for a couple of days and then he left. So we had a lot of family reunions or travel with my mom and cousins and my grandma was there. So I had a normal life. I could put it that way. My mom was always 08:55 controversial character. She was funny as hell, but she got depressed very easily. So she had these ups and downs. But it was normal for us. We didn't, because we got, again, a good support group around us. So we had a normal childhood. And when we were 10 years old, and I'll tell you briefly the story, but my mom, she normally had days when she stayed in her room and we heard her crying and when I'm out, 09:24 A cousin of her arrived. It was getting worse because she needed that help. So she arrived, she left. And then, this was uh May, and then she took us to a bowling alley that we used to go. It was very close to home, maybe less than a mile. So she took us there and she said, well, I'll be back. I'll leave you guys here because the owner of that bowling alley, my dad used to have tournaments there. 09:53 They knew us pretty much. So she dropped us there and she left. She said, I'll be back in an hour. Okay. And to make this story short, she never came back. Actually, we called the owner called home. There were no cell phones on those dates, if you can remember. he called home, our nanny answered the phone and she said, oh yeah, I'll go and pick them up. So we walked back home. And that night, my dad... 10:21 showed up and go what happened this is what happened okay so we we realized something was going on but that's it my dad took us to a to this aunt's home where we had a cousin that we got along pretty good we stayed there for the weekend and my dad told us that my mom crashed that was the the story at that moment that's why i can relate with you she she was being in an accident and by monday he told us you know what he 10:50 didn't want us to live through the funeral and all of that. she never told, he never told us before she was buried that she could die. Wow. He didn't, he didn't. So on Monday, he, he called us, he, went to his room and he told, well, your mom, actually that's the way he put it. Your mom started a journey where she's never coming back. I was 10, my younger brother was seven. He didn't, he was like, oh. 11:19 Okay, and he went to bed. And I remember that anybody that hasn't experienced it, you feel like this emptiness inside of you that's unexplainable. I felt it was like, what's going on? So three weeks after that, I was with my cousin and he showed me a newspaper clip where it said that my mom committed suicide in a hotel room. So I was like, what? 11:48 So I went to my dad and he told me, well, yeah, it's true. Your mom, I didn't want to tell you guys, but yeah, she committed suicide. And in every sense of the word, everything changed after that. We've had a very good relationship with my grandma, my mom's mom. Actually, she was like my rock all of the next years and she was like the most important figure in my life. 12:16 What I started to do was like talk about the situation a lot. It was like I needed to get it out. I cried a lot. I do remember I cried a lot, I really, I told the story. Yeah. I mean, in the end, when you see it today and you realize what I did at that age, it was impressive. And I 12:41 It's admirable in many ways, because I talked about it so much that in my mind it was like, yeah, it's a normal thing to do. it's brought me like this. It wasn't that tragedy anymore in my mind. It was like, well, this is what happened and it's sad, but. And you were allowed to talk about it? Yeah, completely, completely. My dad never, but we were very, we were not close to our dad. Our dad wasn't there for the first 10 years of our lives. And still at this time, 13:11 needed to work as a doctor, know, it's like there were no hours at that time that he worked weekends. Those were the days all where the doctors made home appointments. So he was there. He was all over the place. So we relied a lot on my grandma. And then my dad got remarried pretty soon, which was really good. Oh, was it? Yeah. Yeah. The person, the person he married was amazing with us. So she helped a lot. So basically, 13:41 changing again in every aspect in your life that you can imagine and moving a little bit forward when I was in my 20s and it was like and I told people it was the worst thing that happened to me but it was the best because nothing at that moment that could happen in my life was gonna be worse so it was very hard to see me worried about stuff or really it's like growing up to this date it was like 14:10 these guys never upset. Yeah, because why should I be upset or sad about something that I've already experienced the worst? Yeah, I've already experienced the worst and nothing worse can happen. So and I did really see it that way. So everybody was at that. How can you do it? Why are you upset? Well, so when I saw people worried about their their grades or that they're going to be punished, I was like, come on, it's. 14:39 I only laugh because my experience was so different. It was and like I'm I'm so it's so admirable that at that age one you felt comfortable enough to ask the questions talk about cry all the things because I feel I don't know why it's great it just happened you must have also had the family and the people around you that 15:08 were equipped enough to my grandma was amazing with that. Yeah. Right. And I think the people around me, they also didn't know how to grieve. Like my father wasn't familiar with that process. And my dad's mom was not familiar. She was very loving, but not a great griever. And so I like unlike you, I didn't get to talk about it. And so I pushed it down. I became all the things that you talked about. I became the perfectionist. So I couldn't 15:37 do wrong. And for me, and I wonder if you had any sense of this, and it sounds like maybe you didn't. Because I wasn't able to grieve, I found that I became a perfectionist because I was afraid that my dad was also going to leave. That that did happen. And actually, it's fun that you say these because my brother was the opposite of me. He did what you did. He never talked about it with anybody. He just became his own person. And he was very quiet. 16:07 He was not, socially speaking, was not, he didn't like people that much. He had friends, but he didn't like socializing, and I was the opposite. Even the very, let's call, pretty much the first two, three years, when my dad was not home at seven, eight, I was so Right, because your mom said she would be right back. Yeah, yeah, it was like, oh, something happened to my dad. And again, there were no cellular phones, so you just needed to wait. 16:36 And those moments were so bad. And my dad as a doctor had this pager at that time. And I sent, you needed to call a call center, say a message for nine, blah, blah, and give them this message. And I called 10 times and my dad keep telling me, don't worry. Well, I can't, I just can't handle it. I just feel terrible when you're not here. Cause I think something's happened to you. But that did happen for a long time. I bet. 17:06 Did you have, this is just a curious question because your father didn't tell you the full truth at first and kind of, did you hold anything against that or that you didn't get to know ahead of time? No? I never, and I honestly didn't talk about it until recently. And recently is when I understood his way of seeing that. 17:34 I mean, when I hear your story and people there's and I can imagine that would have happened to me when I mean my dad was 36 years old. How can you explain a 10 year old kid and a seven year old kid that their mom committed suicide? It's like whatever you do. And I told my dad because he said, no, I feel so bad that I didn't tell you. And just to give you another piece of the story, my brother learned. 18:02 that my mom committed suicide 15 years after she died because my dad never told him and he didn't talk about it so nobody told him and I told my dad because I heard him speaking with some friends and you know what my brother doesn't know yeah yeah I'm gonna tell him he never did and my dad told me I was he was scared and of course later he was he was scarier because I haven't told him 18:30 five years, so how is he going to react? And the way he find out was because my grandma, my mom's mom, was talking with us about it and she never talked about it as well. So at that moment she was, yeah, when your mom committed suicide, and my brother went like, like, she's not. And I turned to him and told him, no, she's saying the truth. And he just stood up, left and went directly to my dad. 19:00 But I never felt again, there's there are no rules in these. cannot again, it's how would you react? You never know. You can practice and you can believe, well, I would do this and that. That's not true. You never know. It's a very hard situation. He wasn't doing it out of any, like, intent. He was trying to protect Not at all. Yeah. No. And and again, it's the important thing about this. And that's the other thing that I realized. And it changed me a lot is 19:30 We try to protect kids in the most... 19:38 the worst way we do and today is worst because we believe that by not allowing them to feel, to learn about the bad situations in life, you're protecting them. You're not. You actually you're crippling them. And kids understand much more than we give them credit for. I perfectly, I can tell you, when my cousin told me, I perfectly understood what happened. I understood this. I might not understood at that time 20:07 the complexities of the mind for sure. But I did understand what committing suicide was. And by not sharing it with your kids and everything, they're going to find out some other way. And at this stage in time, it's worse because they can look it up anyplace. So if you don't open that conversation, and that's something that helped me, I have a relationship with my kids where there's no topic that it's off limits. 20:36 They can talk about everything. See, they were very little, very young. And I heard stories from my kids that normally most of the parents would go crazy. And I don't. I personally listen to them and then I say, what the hell is going on? Then I try to find out and talk to them. But so every time there's a problem with them or their friends or their dad that it's always on call, it's me because they feel they are. 21:05 They feel the trust that they can tell me all the bad things that are going on and I love that. Yeah. Well, you also had this, I mean, I just look at that situation. Yes, your dad didn't want to tell you, but eventually a couple of days later, you asked him and he said yes and confirmed it. So you have this like he trusted you, you know, to do that. But you also had the ability to emote and do the things that you needed to to heal yourself. So I can see how. m 21:33 you look at that and you're like, that is a healthy way to live because you can't control all these situations. And it's good to share how you're feeling. Because I'm sure you saw your brother and you probably a little different than your brother because of the he processed versus the way you did. No fault of anyone, but just the way that grief kind of lands with people. And if we don't feel safe, we can't do it. We can't talk about it. So you're doing a service to your kids, which eventually will 22:01 you butterfly effect out. So I can imagine though that that journey is hard, but at the same time, you said in your like 20s, you, you look back and you're like, well, it was like hard, but also served me in good ways. Again, it's to say that. But, but I'm not even people wasn't local. How can you say that? But I told them, and it's true, this is the worst thing that happened to me in the past. Because again, I 22:30 to this day, I never dwell on the bad situations in my life. And I have plenty. Again, I told you, we can talk, we can record 10 different episodes of 10 different things that happened to me that are really bad. I just don't get knocked down because of that. Because I realized that that's life. You're gonna get so many different bad situations and again and again, and from some different places. And you can't control those. You never. 23:00 And you can control how you feel, but you always can control how you react to those feelings or to those things that you're thinking that you can. And that's what I work and I've been working for a long time. So when a bad moment comes, I feel it. do, it knocks me out. But then I find, again, all those cliche words, but the silver linings, I just say, okay, yeah, this is terrible, but... 23:30 I can realize that this, this and this is happening in a good way and let's focus on that. And that's what happened with my mom. It's the worst. Yeah, man, nobody. And I don't want anybody to have that feeling because it's terrible. But again, it helped me in that time and now process it differently, but it helped me realize that I should and I want to enjoy life because you never know what's going to happen. You never know. 23:59 Certainly. And before you carry on with your story, I'm curious if there was ever, and the way that you talk now, I'm like assuming no, but was there ever a period as you were growing up that there was a concern if your mother had, you know, mental health struggles and things like that, was there ever a concern that you were, that you were either hyper vigilant about it for your own self, or were you just like, no, I'm good because I feel good. I feel like I would be. 24:28 stressed out and worried about that. I never, but again, now you bring my, my brother was when I had all these difficult situations, he always asked me, Rick, but you're okay. You don't have these feelings of, no, no, I've never, I honestly, didn't, I've always since that data and since then can remember how I process the bad situations or it's honestly, I don't dwell on them and I don't go that path almost. 24:58 Never I Great. Did your brother have a similar relationship with your grandmother? No, not as close as I had she was pretty good with both but I See she and I talk so much. I actually go when they're every week even in my twins I always spent and he didn't He went there when there was like all the family were there but I visited every week and I she was a very very wise woman 25:27 And she had, she never fully got over my mom committing suicide because in one way the other, she felt part of responsible, even though when you know about the things, there's nothing you can do about it. Absolutely nothing. Even in today's, again, the way they parent and they want to be this overprotective because I want to, you cannot avoid. 25:55 most of the bad things that are going to happen, you cannot. So it's very funny because instead of preparing your kids to deal with the bad stuff, you try to be an umbrella for that when suddenly and sometime bad things are going to happen. And if your kids are not prepared to deal with them, it's much worse because you're not going to be there and you cannot be there. Not even when they're young, they're going to fall and you cannot. 26:22 If they fail, you're not going to be there. Whatever. So it's much easier to talk to them and to show them that there are bad things. But again, I've always teach my kids the same thing. Okay, something bad can happen and you can be worried and you can be frightful, but don't focus on that. Focus on what happens if you beat that fear, if you go the other way. Always think about it because then your mind... 26:51 gets trained on that. So it received the bad sentiment or the bad moment, and then it starts looking for the good part of it. And that's the way my mind works now, honestly, most of the times. Yeah, it's curious. I only ask that because I was like, I was wondering if it if we could play a nature versus nurture game. But if but you kind of ruined that by saying you didn't have quite the relationship with your grandmother, because if you guys had the same, then I would be like, OK, well, maybe maybe the way that we react to these moments is 27:20 really deeply ingrained, but maybe not in this situation. just curious. I know. But I don't know. Because again, it's and I don't have an answer for that. But I do believe again, you can see it one or the other. Me and my brother are three years apart, not that much. But it's two, three years. And we were raised basically the exact same. mean, my dad was not there. My mom was off of the time the other time she was. 27:48 We spend most of the weekend with my grandma and my cousin. And the way we reacted to my mom's death was completely different. And that's part of who we are. In some ways it's ingrained. And I can tell you even by now I've worked so many different ways of my mom's death because of the cancer. I trying to go deeper and deeper and my brother has never gone deep. Has never ever. 28:19 Even when he found out, like I've talked to my uncle and different people to learn how my mom was. I love again, love my dad, my brother, nothing. He just, yeah, well, she did, that's it. Yeah, it's hard. I will tell you from personal experience, it was really hard to break through after pushing it down for so long that I would imagine that's kind of how your brother, it's like. 28:47 you are the version that you are because of all that like your brother is the version he is now because of that. And unless like we were talking about before with the joy architect element of being intentional and like, unless you're it's a lot of work. It's it's really hard. So I empathize with your brother in the sense that if you are conditioned for that long to feel that way, it's really hard to be the other way. So yeah, very curious of how 29:17 how you both had different reactions and it makes sense we're all different humans but was curious about the relationship and the safety that maybe And she had a good relationship with her but not as close because I look out for her a lot. wanted to. And she was a wife woman. Yeah, with my dad's mom though, not my mom's mom. But same thing, I became like we were like best friends which is kind of weird to say but like so close. We do the same thing you did. 29:45 She was probably the savior. She was probably, like you said, the rock for me as well. So I totally relate with with creating that relationship. But you have more. And I think that there are other parts of because I think this really informs. It's this really tragic event for you early on informs how you've I mean, you've said it approached life since and how you look at. Tragedy or things that other people might fall apart. 30:14 because of so I mean, maybe you can lead us into another one that you feel like has really kind of rocked your world in a way that changed you. other one was I was I was diagnosed with cancer four years ago, 2021 in June. And again, I, I live my life up to that. The way I told you was like, I got corporate jobs, then I became an entrepreneur. And I, I've always 30:42 like learning stuff. I've never been in the same job or doing the same thing for more than two years, I think, not even two years. And that's the way I lived. And I was in the same pattern of everybody doing this and that and all speeding up. And then 2020, well, first the pandemic came to everybody slowed down. And I was at that time launching a new venture of e-commerce. 31:12 We were helping Mexican companies to sell their stuff in the US and that completely died. We shut it down because nobody was doing anything at that moment. And I started having problems. I used to be overweight, way overweight. And I dropped weight in a very good way for all of 2020. But I was having problems eating. It was like strange. It kind of felt like food stock. It was strange. 31:42 And so I started like, it doesn't feel, my dad's a doctor. I called him, but there was no way to do like regular screenings because of COVID. So my dad told me, well, it looks like when you're very fat and then you lose weight, something comes losing, blah, blah, blah. It ended up with my dad, no, I don't like this. It doesn't sound good. Come here to Mexico and we'll examine you and I have a friend. And if it's what I think, then you'll get surgery, but it's very easy, blah, blah. Okay. 32:12 So I went to Mexico and they did an endoscopy and a biopsy of what was going on there. And it was clear that it was a tumor. And indeed we went to the oncologist and it was a big tumor, advanced stage cancer. So all bad news. Before that, I've never ever in my life been sick. m 32:42 I mean, I had some minor headaches and cold, but I never missed work. I've never done this. was actually I I used to tease my kids and my wife like that. I will. I never get sick. Yeah, I never I never get sick. And I didn't. So this was the first time and it was with a bang. Yeah. And the way I manage that also is when you get confronted with the news, it's it's sobering. It's like 33:12 What? And the process in your mind is, of course, the way we hear things and we learn about things. Cancer equals death. That's it. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And you cannot keep those feelings away or those thoughts. That's not the way to go. You cannot just, I'm not going to think. You do. It comes to your mind. You're a human. Yeah. So the first thing I did was I told the doctor when he was going to 33:41 revisit after the biopsy results to confirm. I told him, okay, I don't want to listen to what the statistics and probabilities and decided I don't want to I just want to know what I have and what I need to do to get healed. And he was like, Well, yeah, but you need to I don't need to understand anything. I just want to learn what I have and what I need to do. Because the other parts don't matter, right? And the reason behind that is exactly that because 34:11 Okay, normally, how much do I... What's the prognosis? You have an adenocarcinoma and normally three out of ten people live and blah, blah. All the news you're going to receive from the doctor are bad because that's the way they're trained and that's the way we learn things. Like with COVID, what's the news you got every single day? How many people are dead? Which is stupid because they can tell you the exact same, you know what? 34:40 10 million people have lived and your mind thinks different when it hears that. So my purpose was I don't want to hear about that because I don't want my mind dealing with your words that only three out of 10 people are going to live with the tumor I have. First, because I don't want my mind thinking about that. And second, those statistics are stupid because my tumor and where I get treated and how I get treated is not the same as a person in 35:10 I don't know, in a town in Mexico or a place in India, it has nothing to do with it. So the only way it would help if you tell me the exact same things that I have at the exact location that you know that that makes it a little bit, but it doesn't work. So I said, I don't want to hear about anything. Good. Did he listen? Yeah, yeah. He told me okay. 35:35 I told him, want to talk about this? And my wife or my dad, my dad was there all the time. And you want to talk to them about this? More than welcome. I'll get out and you guys can talk about it. My wife wanted to listen, my dad as well. So I went out, they talk about it, came back in. They told me, okay, this is my idea is you need to do this. Okay, I'll do it. And the same with the, I was then going to receive a very heavy treatment of radiation and chemo. 36:05 So they need to give you all these after side effects. told them don't need to listen to the side effects. Why? Because what for? If I have a headache, normally I would process it, have a headache. If you give me all the 10 different reasons I might have a headache because of the side effects, I'm going to start, oh, maybe it's going to blow. What for? There's no need for that. So I went through the chemo and the radiation and the very... 36:34 Again, very aggressive. I felt perfectly fine. I just had, I mean, you get tired, it drains your energy and that's, you cannot fight that. Again, it's better just let it go and rest and, but that was it. And then I got surgery. I got my stomach removed completely. I don't have a stomach. It's been, again, it's been a journey. I found out at that moment, and I told you before we started recording, but it's also, 37:04 I realized during that period of time when I was getting healed, you go into this limbo because I was not working. So I took a look at all the people I know, friends and not friends and people that I've known through my life. And honestly, it's so sad to see the life, the lives they have. They are not enjoying anything that they're doing. So I started to give. 37:31 speeches to moms with kids with cancer actually to put in perspective my situation and it helped me a lot because these women their situations are so hard that those are moms in Mexico so you I mean you have they have no resources their husbands most of the times abandon them because they don't know how to deal with it they don't have money the place where they are 37:59 The kids that are being treated are terrible. They don't have the medicine most of the times. They still need to take the other kids. It's, mean, impressive sad stories. And they are there. They are fighting. So it makes you like, okay. What did you share with them? I share with them different ways that again, I realized it helped me. Actually, the speech was called the gifts of cancer. 38:29 And what I said, again, the same way with my mom, it's terrible. And you cannot put it any other way. But again, there's good things about it. And you can learn to put in perspective. And the same way I'm looking at you and you help me get perspective into my situation, you find perspective in other ways. You need to find humor. And doesn't matter how hard 38:58 that moment is you can still enjoy part of it. And you should try to enjoy a little bit because if not, again, it's, and the kids, be honest, show you that it's very hard to see a kid with cancer in a bad mood. They're in a good mood. Yeah. Usually they're the ones bringing everyone's mood up because they're the positive. Well, they are kids. don't understand what's going on. They do understand perfectly well what's going on. 39:27 But they choose as a kid, the way you do it, normally as a kid, but when you're an adult, you lose that. You're living in the moment. You're fine with it. You're feeling good. They give you toys. You play. You're not thinking, oh, I have toys right now I can play, but no, what happened? But if I die tomorrow, they don't give a shit about that. Being a little cynical here, I was wondering if some of the positivity of those kids are seeing the adults around them not. 39:56 smiling and feeling the obligation to also help them where kids are. course. Yeah, I feel like that's what I did. That's why I became a perfectionist because I was like, everyone wants to see me happy. here it is. I'm curious if any of those, mean, to what you're saying now. to do. It is. It is. But one way or the other, again, it's you can talk about it in many different ways, but you always have an option. You always. 40:27 It's hard? Yeah, it's much harder. It's easier for me to tell you a sad story that comes from cancer or my mom's death than to tell you good stories. It's much, much easier to bring the bad story. And the same way you can bring to tears anybody telling your story about your mom, I can do the same. I can grab somebody in the street and tell you this sad story and I can make him or her cry. And what happens after that? Well, this is a way, poor guy, yeah, so bad. 40:55 Life goes on and you feel sorry for yourself and suddenly you're gonna die. And what happened? You just spend the rest of your life, whatever amount of time it is, feeling miserable. What's the purpose on that? I mean, you're not here to do that. You're here to enjoy what you do or at least focus on that. It'd be nice, yeah. I feel like we're so conditioned to do it. And it sounds like I rudely interrupted you when you were saying that like it really, when you were... 41:24 doing these talks for these mothers, it was like really giving you a lot of value. And what I would equate to that is just like sharing my story and not necessarily the story of losing my mom, but the story of the journey after and what I've learned because of it has taught me so much about myself, like that ability to honestly reflect on the things that I did and not like, quote, them or just and then go, Okay, what did I learn? How did this make me better? 41:52 Why did I do that? You know, like certain things like that. it sounds like by putting together maybe that talk and doing the talk, you probably learned a lot more about yourself or helped you through it. No, for sure. For sure. And that translated into today to do the Joyful Living Lounge. It's I really my purpose now on my it's that honestly is to reach as many people with the message that you can enjoy more your life. That's a fact. 42:20 It's not something and there's science behind it now. There's a lot you've seen it the last few years all these happiness see if happiness officers and people focusing happiness and because we need it and we are so conditioned as you will put it to to live and to be again, I mean there's Here in the US it's become so impressive. You need to feel fear about something. It's sad because 42:50 Look, there's no moment in history of humankind with better outlooks than today. Honestly, people are living more. There's so much things you can focus on, but you don't. People focus on uh Trump, anti-Trump, MAGA, anti-MAGA, anti-vaccine, vaccine, Republican, Jesus, mother of God. What's the purpose of that? And the only reason I have, I'm the one that knows what's going on. You don't. 43:19 And there's so many good news all around the world that if you focus on them, you get a better day. But if you wake up, look, you seem to how people normally start their day, they put an alarm. The alarm normally it's not a nice alarm. It's a beep beep. I put a song when I need to wake up for now. I have a song. Then they start listening to the news. There's nothing good about listening to the news. 43:46 And people say, well, I need to be informed. You need to be informed that there was a bombing in that Mandua. You don't. But at that moment... conditioning. I know. I know. It's not that we want to. We're conditioned. But you can fight it. You can at least realize that that's what's going on and focus again on... The intention here in my mind is to... 44:16 use the correct words in the very beginning, to condition and to intentionally try to enjoy more what you do. You have, and you have examples all over the world and every single day, the same exact job. Let's talk about a job, not about a personal situation, because of those also, but there's a job that you think it's the worst job in the world. And you have two people doing it. One of them, 44:45 is miserable and the other one is enjoying it a little bit more. It is how they choose to do it. It's not that, well, he jumped, no, it's the exact same job. And you can tell me the worst possible job you can think of. And I can give an example of a person that's miserable in it and another one that's not. You can talk about people that are terminal with terminal illnesses that are one, they're feeling miserable and terrible and some of them are not. And it's a choice. 45:13 I don't mean to be rude, honestly, but it's much, much harder to go down the positive way because you need to put a lot of work into it. The other one, it's easy. Hey, Matt, I'm going to die. What? Yeah, I'm dying. OK. Yeah, well, I understand how you feel. It's terrible. Yeah, it's so sad. And then you die and you spend or you wasted the last month feeling miserable. 45:41 There's a phrase that I learned during a clinic I visited, alternative treatment clinic, that it's don't waste your cancer. And it's such an amazing phrase. And it hits you because exactly why should I waste my cancer? I have this opportunity to really enjoy the amount of time I have left, whether it's one month or 10 years. But that applies to life because you don't know what's going to happen to you. Yeah. 46:10 You really don't know. And you spend time, again, anxious about this or that. And the only thing you're going to leave behind when you die, again, no matter when. And the other thing, the only thing you're going to leave to your age, your family, your friends, whatever, is the experiences you had with them. Nothing else is And your credit card debt. Yeah, and your credit card debt. that, the only thing they're going to remember is that. 46:40 When you die, that's it. But let me tell you something. we talked about it in the beginning. It's why doing exercise every day is not natural either. Actually, most of the times your mind tells you, you're tired today, let's not do it. Eating very healthy, it's not natural either. There's many things that you do in your life in regards to different things, aspects of your life that you are, you actually 47:09 focus on them and consciously make a difference and you create a discipline for that. But for these, for enjoying, you don't. And it's the exact same process. And there are different ways to do it. But, it's hard, yes. But once you realize, I can tell you, and again, I'm not an expert in any way, but most of the people that 47:40 are living better lives even in the very advanced age and everything are the people that are stressed the less. And what I mean by that is that they're stressed about things that there's no way not to be stressed. But the way they manage that stress is completely different. So you see them enjoying life much more. There's a stressful situation, a terrible moment. But once you being 48:09 disciplined enough to make fun or make joy a habit in your life, it becomes easier to deal with those things. And even it becomes easier to solve a problem when you're in a positive state of mind than when the negative one. That's also true. But it takes... I mean, the hardest part is probably starting. Yeah. 48:35 Again, you need to do it consciously. It's not gonna come over just by, oh, tomorrow I'm gonna be joyful. You make it a yeah. But it's the same. If you wanna drop weight, you cannot just, okay, tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'm gonna be thin. No, or I'm gonna be fit. You can't, you need to work on it. You need to work on making fun or joy or both a habit. And there's... 48:59 Why are you here to live for? No, you have a purpose. Many people don't, and they don't think about it, but you have a purpose. No matter if you don't, if you have or you don't a purpose and you'll find it, but you live to enjoy what you do. If you don't, come on. That phrase that people use, I need to sacrifice. It's the most absurd thing I've ever in my life. You're sacrificing your life because you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. 49:29 And if you go, you never again, you make you know, I need to leave my kids and my family provided for and these and yeah, we all need to do that. We all want to do that. But when you, if you die and you don't leave them with any experiences with them, they won't remember you at all. They never going to say, Oh, you know, my dad was an amazing lawyer or he was great making. No, they're going to say, I remember when we did this, we did that. We enjoyed this. We did have. 49:58 That's what you remember 99 % of the time. So you need to look for those moments of joy. you think that it is easier for people that have experienced a tragedy to have this perspective or do you think it doesn't matter? I know you were going to ask that and that's an amazing question. it's the answer is. 50:23 The real answer is it's easier, yes. Because you get confronted with a situation and you realize, but the opposite of that is one, it's basically not, I don't understand why you have to wait for something like that to happen. And also there's many people that have been confronted with life or death situations that they never change. 50:53 Not even that makes them change. So the quick answer for your question and the honest is, yeah, you're right. It's easier because at least you get confronted with it. But it's and that's one of the things that I'm so hard trying to do is don't wait for something that because once it happens, you might not even have a chance to change it. Right. Well, and I think 51:21 To your point though, too, it is still intentional even if you do have that tragedy. Like for me and your brother, right? Like we lived in the hard part for a long time and I eventually found my way, but it was very intentional to get out of it because it was so much easier to stay in it. So not to say that because you have a tragic moment in your life, you will find this because it again, like we said, it's so easy to stay. I mean, it's hard, but it's so much more. 51:49 comfortable or something to stay in that hard space because it feels like a blanket. It feels like a comfortable space. it is. Yeah. I'm just curious if you felt that way. No. Completely. Because it becomes your blanket exactly. It's like it's easier to tell the story with that blanket on and say, it was hard and it's very hard. And nobody's going to. 52:15 say, oh, Matt, I get over it. Yeah, they're going to say, yeah, I understand. And I mean, Matt, look what he's gone through. But that doesn't make any good change in you. It's never going to help. It doesn't help. And I think once you get out of that cycle and people start to say those things to you, you don't want them to anymore. Like you don't want like if someone is like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about your mom. 52:44 I'll say thank you and very kind, but it's not a necessary, like I don't need that. Whereas maybe the 22 year old version of me that was deep in a big hot mess probably needed that. Probably needed someone to acknowledge how shitty it was. Yeah. So, yeah. Very curious. mean, it makes sense why you have such a passion for this at the same time as you're going through something really hard that a lot of people 53:14 would be really challenged by and I'm sure that, or I'm making assumptions, I guess, that your attitude and your feelings about life are helping you through this battle that you are going through with the cancer now. In a different way. Completely. And again, the positive attitude and the good don't kill you. There's no assurances about anything. And that doesn't... 53:44 I would be so, it would be terrible for me to say, no, you know what? That's the way you get cured. It's not. But whatever happens with my life, I'm living a better life because of that choosing than if I choose. Exactly. So I really don't care in the end. I don't care again. I do. I want to live. want to do. 54:13 lots of different things. But if I do die one day, which again, we're all going to die. We're all going to do it. Yeah. I'm living a much more joyful life than many people that are not confronted right now with my situation. So it boils down to that. I have a lot of bad days, the same as everybody. But someday they'll get that. I get over them. 54:41 much, much easier and faster than many of the people. Right. And you don't push them away. Like if it exists, you acknowledge it. of course. No, there are days that I say, the hell with everything. Exactly. And it sucks. And it does. Like Monday, Tuesday, last Tuesday, I had chemo two days ago, yesterday. And I just felt like, why do I have to go through this? I hate it. 55:08 Because all the process of going to the chemist's table, the place is horrible, everything is sober, everybody's feeling bad. Everything helps you feel bad about it. And that was I. And then in the morning I woke up, I meditated, I said, okay, let's do it. And let's get over with. And it helped. Normally, most people that go there, you just see them going down and down and down and till the end. 55:38 What's the purpose in that? It doesn't help. I don't know how I think I kind of know how you're going to say this, but if if 2025 version of you could bump into the version of you in the bowling alley when you got dropped off before things change, is there anything any kind of anything you would want to impart on him for the journey he was about to go on? 56:01 What a good question. I would love to say so many things, but honestly, I think that child. 56:15 a very good way to deal with it. And I think that by me trying to give him advice that I would love, I would say, hey, you don't worry about this, that I might change the way he actually did it. yeah, and so it's to answer because- You wouldn't interfere. No, I think I wouldn't. I would love to. 56:44 I would love to say, hey, look, these are the five things you should focus on and don't worry about this and that. But you wouldn't be this version, I think, if you interfered. No, no, no. It's not that I did it perfect. There's many things that I've done wrong and so many things that I. But what is perfect? I messed up big time. But in the end, I am a person, I'm a good person, which I like. 57:14 I'm a person that enjoys people. I trust people. I don't ever go through people thinking that he might do this and he might do that. I never, my wife is like, come on, you have to look into these. I don't. It's not that I don't believe there's bad people. There's plenty of bad people, but to be honest, most of the bad people don't want to be bad people. They learn and you and I might be much worse than they are. 57:43 if we have their lives. So it's much easier as well to say, he's such a bad guy and he's terrible. Well, you don't know what he's gone through and going through tough situations, it's hard. And many people don't have the tools nor the love nor anything to help them in those moments. So they become bad, but they are not bad in the end. think there's very few really bad people. 58:12 I think it's the less, but. A lot of circumstances that bring us to this point and sometimes we have to realize that all the decisions we made brought us to this and if we like it, then the bad ones brought us here too. So thank you for sharing your story in this way. If anyone's listening and connects with a certain part of your story or just feels really inspired by you or wants to reach out to you and tell you their story, like. 58:39 Is there a good way to get in touch with you? Like how do people find you and get in your world and learn more about you? Yeah, they can visit my website is experienceviso.com and I'm on Instagram at the same as experienceviso and those two I look at it everything. I have a Facebook page as well, joyful living lounge. Okay. And that's launching this September. And again, it's a space where the intention is to forget about 59:08 the negativity and the idea of that is to become a movement, one or the other, where you can have a co-working spaces. So many things that I want to do about it that, cause there's nothing focusing on that. And again, I think it's very important for us to enjoy what we do, at least a little bit more. It's not that you have to be happy all day long and no, it doesn't. little at a time. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It doesn't work that way. Yeah. But at least focus on that. 59:37 and try to have those moments to enjoy. We'll put those links in the show notes so people can access them and connect with you. Yeah, for sure. And anybody that wants to reach out just for the sake of reaching out, love to. Yeah. Again, highly encourage that. Highly encourage anyone to share your story or how Viso's story connected with you or made you think differently. This is why we do it. This is why we share our stories. This is why we have these conversations. I think they're so valuable. So thank you for just being a part of the show and sharing your story in this way. 01:00:07 Thank you very much for inviting me, Matt. I really enjoyed it. Thank you very, much. I did as well. And thank you for letting me ask the questions about my own personal experience. think it's so interesting to see similar feeling stories, but how we as humans approach life in different ways. different. Yeah. And I appreciate everyone listening. And with that, I'm going to say goodbye. And I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Viso. Take care. Bye-bye. 01:00:44 For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com